This is for all the people I've seen on this very site, as well as redditors (who aren't people) who happen to stumble upon rdrama, who keep commenting about how they don't know how to cook, or it's too time consuming, or too expensive, or whatever other dumb excuse you've invented in your head about why you can't prepare your own fricking food like a basic adult. This is how you cook something good with zero preparation time, for like $5, and it tastes better than heating up a hot pocket or whatever you normally eat.

Ingredients: Broccoli, chicken thighs, salt, oil, butter

Cost: $5

Prep time: 1-4 minutes depending on how r-slurred you are with a knife

You can use any pan for the chicken except a non-stick, as this requires too much heat. Use a cheapo aluminum or stainless steel pan you have laying around, neither the chicken nor the broccoli will stick to it. The broccoli won't get that hot so you can use whatever for that, including non-stick stuff (although it isn't necessary), as long as you have a lid for it.

Salt the chicken thighs on both sides and leave them on the counter for about 40 minutes so they're not ice cold.

Preheat your oven to 375F.

Heat the chicken pan on pretty high heat. I have an electric stove and I don't use the high setting on it as it will instantly burn everything, so if you also have an electric that goes from 1 - 9, put the pan on 7 1/2. Let it come up to temperature for about 10 minutes. Put a small amount of vegetable oil in the pan (like small enough that it just coats the surface). Put the chicken thighs in skin side down, trying to have one quadrant of the pan empty. In this empty spot, dump some butter (like 1-2 tbsp). Cook the chicken thighs like this for about 7 minutes. While they're cooking, spoon the butter and chicken fat over the top of them whenever you're so inclined (as much as you want, it's not possible to overdo this). After 7 minutes, flip the chicken thighs over and put the entire pan in the oven. Set a timer for 20 minutes. That is it for the chicken.

When there's 15 minutes left on the chicken, turn your burner under the broccoli pan on medium-low, put a small amount of oil in the pan, dump in your broccoli, sprinkle some salt on there (don't worry about how much, you can always add more later) and put the lid on the pan. The broccoli will steam itself, you don't even need to add any water or anything.

Everything will get done around the same time, and it will look like the picture. It's not exciting, nobody's going to think you're the iron chef, but that's how you cook when you're busy because it is nearly zero effort. Now never comment on one of these posts about how you don't know how to cook ever again.

Suggest some cool recipes please

Yes, the title is mildly cringe, but I need your attention!

I am a yank (shocker for this site) , and since this upcoming weekend is going to be the weekend for celebrating nearly 2.5 centuries' worth of freedom from those posh-butt br*ts - and for that, I am trying to cook up something good for it

That's where YOU come in! So I plan to gather my ingredients tomorrow for preparing it in my slow-cooker on Friday, and I need your recommendations of what to prepare! It could be anything, really - just as long as it's something I can do in said slow-cooker. I will admit that it will be my first time ever doing something with it , so I will also appreciate any advice/tips about how to use the machine as well.

One last thing though - because it's 4th of July, I'm specifically looking for good ol' fashioned AMERICAN food to prepare - no foreign crap for me! Well, nothing too exotic anyway...

Thanks in advance!

This recipe is for a weekend lunch or for people who work from home (like me) and can just frick off to the kitchen for an hour in the middle of the work day. This is what I'm eating for lunch right now. Please note: this recipe makes ONE serving.

Ingredients:

• One skinless, boneless chicken thigh (or just rip the skin off and cut out the bone like I just did)
• An egg
• flour (enough to coat the chicken thigh, e.g. not that much)
• panko (same)
• salt (just a little)
• Peanut or vegetable oil
• Half a cup of rice
• Half a white onion
• Another egg
• 1/4 cup dashi (you could make it but this is fast food, so instead I'd suggest 1/4 cup water and 1/2 tsp of instant dashi)
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tbsp sake, or if you don't want to keep it around, use ryorishi, which is just salty sake that stays good forever in your cabinet)
• 1 tbsp mirin

How to do it:

1. Start cooking your rice since that takes the longest.

2. Put some oil in a cast iron skillet, dutch oven, or dedicated deep fryer if you have it. You don't have to deep fry this - you can, but it's ok to shallow fry it too if you want to use less oil. I used a 32oz jar of peanut oil in a cast iron skillet, which is just a little over halfway deep enough for a big chicken thigh. That's ok, you can just flip it halfway through. Set the burner on medium-high heat. It'll take about 10 minutes to get hot enough. What's hot enough? If you happen to have a thermometer handy, the answer is 350 standard burger units, if you don't, go all Martha Stewart on it and stick the back of a wooden spoon in the oil, if it creates a lot of excited bubbles it's hot enough (probably). If the oil starts smoking, DON'T PANIC, just turn the burner down and wait 5 minutes until it stops doing that. Jeez relax, buddy, you're going to give yourself a stroke.

3. Dredge the chicken thigh in flour. You did remember to rip the skin off first right? No? Take the skin off, IDIOT. This isn't KFC, it's katsu. Beat one of the eggs, then dip the thigh in there and get it all nice and wet all over. Put the panko in a separate bowl with some salt (not too much, especially if you are subbing in the ryorishi). Dip the eggy thigh in the panko. Use your dry hand to dump more panko all over it while turning it over and over in the mixture, or save yourself the time and just shake everything in a plastic bag. Get it nice and coated. Unlike with american fried chicken, which is coated in flour and you have to shake off the excess or it gets lumpy, panko will stick all over your chicken thigh like glue and that's exactly what you want. Set the chicken thigh aside until your oil is hot.

4. If your oil is hot, fry the chicken thigh now. Otherwise, skip to step 5 and come back later. Lay the chicken thigh in the hot oil. Turn it after 3 minutes. Cook the other side for 3 minutes. That's a total of 6 minutes if you weren't paying attention or are r-slurred with numbers. If at any point it starts to look darker than the picture by too much, turn your burner down. It's not a big deal, don't worry about it, unless you aren't watching it and you BURN it in which case you should immediately keep yourself safe by dumping the peanut oil over your idiot head.

5. Slice your onion. Half an onion will make this recipe pretty darn oniony. Feel free to only use 1/4 of an onion per bowl if you'd rather.

6. Mix together the dashi (or water + instant dashi), soy sauce, mirin, and sake. Beat the other egg loosely and set it aside.

7. Start up a pan on medium heat (nonstick or aluminum or stainless steel). Sautee the onion in some olive or vegetable oil for 5 min. Like the last time I wrote one of these, this is the step you won't see in the online how-to videos, because it's not traditional. If you want to be traditional, just dump all the liquid ingredients in the pan immediately with the onion and put a lid on it for 5 min. I've tried it, and I don't like how it turns out, the onion flavor is WAY too assertive. But feel free to try it for yourself!

8. Regardless of your decision in #7, now chop your chicken into slices (as pictured), add it to the pan, and dump the beaten egg on top of it, then put the lid on there and leave it for about 5 minutes or until the egg looks solid. If you don't like the egg whites in my picture, beat the egg harder and it will have both the appearance and texture of scrambled eggs, if that is your preference (it's good either way, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT).

9. Fill a bowl with rice and dump the entire contents of the pan over the top of it. Done.

10. If you're feeling like a fancy pants, garnish with some green onions (not pictured because I am trying to fricking eat here and I didn't have time for that shit).

Some of you might remember that I made this post a while back where I shared a cool video I found on how to make South African cured meat called biltong. I also said in that thread that I will try making one myself. Here are the results!

Apologies for the trashy drying setup . The stuff on the plate + the drying rack is the modest amount I got out of 1 kilo of beef. I also couldn't find the right cut so they're a bit smaller and of irregular geometry. Taste pretty good though! They go well on toast

In the video they also said you can toss it into sauces, so once I got tired of eating it as a snack, I made a batch of marinara sauce and just chopped biltong into it while it was cooking. The result was very pleasant, the spices from the meat gave the sauce a much deeper, meatier flavour, and the chunky pieces themselves which have a strong beef taste were just . If it didn't take so long to make, I'd recommend everyone try it.

Speaking of making biltong, if you decide to make some yourself like I did, here are 2 important points that I learned along the way that were not addressed in the video:

1. Protect it from flies. Buy yourself a cheesecloth, or a box, or stick it in an oven that you're not using. Flies will swarm to it for the first couple of days, and you don't want them to infest it. At the same time you also don't want to restrict air circulation too much because it will inhibit drying and exacerbate problem 2 which is

2. Mold. It starts to grow if there is improper ventilation, or if it's too humid, or for variety of other reasons. I caught it early and looked up online what the deal is. Apparently some molds are ok (like the ones on salami) and others are very bad. Thankfully mine was benign, and you could remedy it by giving it a small vinegar wash which kills the fungus. Not a huge issue but something to pay attention to.

That's it. If any of you have experience drying/curing meat make sure to tell me how horribly I fricked it up.

Guy Fieri is an r-slur with burger taste buds acclimated to high sodium content. He thinks things taste good because it's smothered and processed with sodium. It's burger taste bud syndrome, thinking things are good because it has a shit load of sodium.

As a connoisseur of flavours, these people are the Fast and Furious watching equivalent who do not know kinos and are only entertaining by explosions and flashing colours.

Plus it gives you heart disease. Go out and have a run you fat fricks. Eat your fricking veggies you r-slurs. Learn to cook you fricks. Stop eating hotdogs and burgers.

This may be a turning point in my life.

Taste wise it was fine. Strong yet vague citrussy flavor. I didn't really detect notable sugar alternative weirdness that's in diet sodas

Packaging/presentation great. The can has a premium feel with it's embossed logo, detailed high quality printing, and large size

But effect wise it was great in ways I didn't predict. Contrary to normal caffeine beverage making me jittery and hyper this elixir really made me feel like a boomer. Calm, contented, superior. Yes I am a better man now that I've had Monster Zero Ultra. I can't exactly say how but I know it's true. I attribute this effect primarily to memetic power.

If you don't believe in memes. If you just laughed at "literally me" instead of strongly relating to Ryan Gosling performances then this drink is not for you. It will just be another one of dozens of overpriced energy drinks. But if you have been infected by or even just witnessed the powerful boomer meme then this drink will let you ascend to a higher state of being. I urge you to try it even if you believe that you are not, in fact, a boomer. I didn't know this meme had such an power until I tried Monster Zero Ultra

Verdict: I like it

I predict the objections now.

@garlicdoors you're a marketing manipulated normie

@garlicdoors your diet is terrible you haven't ever had any other energy drinks. How do you know you didn't just have a taurine deficiency

@garlicdoors you're not literally a boomer

And to those I say sssiiippppppp

P.S. !boomers let me in. I am one of you now.

I loved Grimace before he was cool

It’s this new thing I’m trying out called “being gay for kitty”

An excited rioters shows off just how much cooking oil he has managed to loot during the riots in France pic.twitter.com/B609C3jYxF

— Visegrád 24 (@visegrad24) July 2, 2023

This is so good, like everything related to the Philippines except endemic corruption.

Let's pour one out for my late neighbor Honk4Tits who was the only person in this community who would fully get my jokes about Filipinos all being vice-mayors.

Those 'deens were 2,70 too... not even cheap.

Canning them SRDines is a pricey matter.

Whether you're going somewhere, or hosting - refer to this handy guide to see where your delicious main course lands!

Stolen Borrowed from /r/PCM - it's not all wojaks and rightoid-posting!

!grillers

Define season here, what does it mean?

Because I utilise many seasons, often varied, each time I cook chicken

I have a jillion spices and sauces ready to go. I think, I season they chicken more than my chocolate friends.

I started this way too late, I'm gonna be out here till midnight good thing I can see fireworks. Carp grill badge plzzz.

!vegana

!jannies badge pls

Made using leftover roast beef.

Crust pic

!grillers

Anyone else notice pictures from iPhone get a bluish tint and contrast reduction here? Maybe the newer phones shooting HDR?