I'm in love with a character I made in my head and it's making me depressed because I know I will never meet someone like him. Maybe once there could have been a chance, but it's gone now. If I can't be with someone like him or at least meet someone like him, just once, I don't want anyone at all. I've loved this character for over a decade. He's basically an "invisible" friend/boyfriend. I pretend he's here and talk to him every day. Even though I never seen him, only in my mind's eye. I wish I could see him, and hear him, and feel him there. I have a memorabilia relating to him which I keep next to me at my bed, and a plush which my dad made of him which I hug at night. I actually had a lucid dream about him last night, and I kissed him and stuff. It was the first time this happened. It still didn't feel quite real or right just because since yesterday I have felt really depressed and down and a loss of hope. Because I know I will never find someone like him, ever. Or even meet someone like him. It's impossible because of the specific traits he possesses which I am only attracted to. Other than someone like him I don't even find people attractive at all, if a guy is not like him I feel the same way towards them as I do to girls - meaning I'm not attracted to them at all. If I was with someone they'd have to have something "special" about them as in, they relate to one of my special interests in some way, like my character I'm in love with, otherwise I'm just not interested. I'm crying because I just wish he was real. Or that one day I could meet someone just like him. But I don't think that is possible now. It feels like the roses I held that once bloomed vibrant and bright, have all now withered and died.

Everyone I know knows about my character and how much I love him, it's not like it's a secret. But I would never tell a professional about this, because first they would never understand, they'd laugh and if I told them exactly why I am upset, they will ask me why it is so important to me. This character is so special to me and important to me. I just wish I could have some kind of proof I met someone just like him one day. But I know this will never happen and this is why I am crying right now.

I used to find joy in him and hope, and was trying to actively work towards my goals which would bring me closer to my dream. I found myself mirroring his admirable qualities, such as bravery, perseverence and an upbeat attitude even in bad times, finding joy in the small things and never taking things for granted. Always trying to work hard, like him. He was an endless source of inspiration for me, I would write countless stories about him and our adventures, and draw many pictures of us together. But now I don't feel like doing anything at all. I don't feel like writing any stories now or drawing pictures of him because it reminds me that I'll never meet someone like him.

The reason I'm so upset now is because I found out that no one exactly like him exists anymore. It's stupid, but it feels like he's died. And it's crushing me inside.

Other bangers:

Does anyone else have imaginary people they are attached to?

i have been daydreaming since a kid but it got worse since the pandemic...i created this fake world, fake situations filled with fake people who have extensive backstories, personalities etc...i feel absolutely pathetic that they are essentially my only friends. They pay attention to me, support me and i have become so attached to them that they are the only source of any 'happiness' i feel. I'm nearly 20 and feel embarrassed that i have to resort to this still...if anyone has overcome this, please do share how<3

Helpful advice from other users:

I'm 30 and have had 22 years of being with someone who is essentially imaginary. You are valid OP. And learning to accept that it's okay will be healing. I learned to accept and love that part of me with my Fictional Other

Thank you Chessa, the way to heal is to double down and spend all day on fictional love subreddits ☺️🤗

Hi :) often these vivid daydreams were the only way we survived our childhood with our dignity in tact. Not trying to dx CPTSD but this is a very natural coping mechanism for a child. Imagine how hard it would be for a 4 year old to understand and accept the deep pain of being discarded by their guardian. We rely on that guardian for everything. Shelter food water. So to survive in the world where we don't feel safe but need to get our basic physical needs met - we must suffer immensely. The only escape is the daydreams because it removes from the world where we are forced to be isolated and alone.

Can tell ur a special person and this is a gift. The maladaptive part is understanding how to make your body understand it is safe to use your imagination to empower self <3

Yes, being an obsessive daydreamer because you're too much of a loser irl is a GIFT. Thanks for your advice, e-steph 🥰😘

A slightly more real (and much sadder ) collection of takes can be found here

Ive been alone for as long as i can remember. No one has ever given a darn about my existence. My presence really hasnt ever impacted anyone. I have never been loved by anyone, not even my own family.. Loneliness has really aggravated my MDD , and now this disorder is raging...but i also owe my life to it, without having the ability to daydream i would've perished. It's really sad that most of us on this subreddit conjure up people and stories in their heads to feel loved...

😔😔😔

My made up family, friends, and lover are one of the few things in my life keeping me from yeeting myself off a bridge honestly.

I understand MaDD can be toxic in how it keeps us from being apart of reality, but when reality is against you(broken family, financial instability, health issues, etc.) It really helps keeping me sane more than anything. I'm sure if I could afford medical help, and had more emotional and friendly support id be more apt to quit it.

"Made up family, friends, and lover" 😳😳😳

Has anyone else ever thought they'd do well in solitary confinement because of their MD? I mean, we'd just be labelled the "crazy person" talking to themselves, right? Technically we'd be alone, but not really.

Sweaty wth 😬😬😬

I think about this a lot. Without it, I feel like I would've gone insane (also from child abuse, seeing a pattern I dont like), but now I feel like constantly daydreaming, pacing around, making expressions and sounds as I daydream definitely doesnt make exactly make me seem sane.

This guy might be onto something, maybe the people on this subreddit are, after all, NOT sane??? 🤯🤯🤯

Hey chuddies what happened to the "japanese people hate it" talking point

Total !nonchuds victory

"Emotionally intense" is a hilarious euphemism for the stuff posted here

So many posters were being told to leave (and apparently going through with it) that they had to ban saying "run" as a response. Every post has this disclaimer right under it

I had to make an account to view account histories and I now sexually identify as BDSM

Choice Posts

The Silent Treatment

Link

I had to put up with silent treatment for very random things, she had a dream about me leaving her (3 days silent treatment) I accidentally kicked her one night in my sleep (a weeks silent treatment) made worse because I felt really bad about it so decided to sleep on the sofa one night after she told me so I didn't do it again, that led to another 3 days silent treatment.

Now she has had almost one years silent treatment from me after the divorce and she isn't liking it one bit. However, it was her who told everyone who would listen that I was to never contact her again. She can't say I'm not respecting her wishes

I'm currently going through silent treatment with BPDgf, not seen her for 3 weeks. She asked for space because she is going through a difficult time so I have given her that space. I do send her a text every few days to ask how she is doing but think she is getting angry now that I'm not chasing. I learned a valuable lesson from exBPDw, so not falling into that trap again

This guy married and divorced a BPD hoe, but don't worry, he isn't "falling for that trap again" with his new and current BPD gf

Back into No Contact - For Good

Link

Plain and simple.

There has been hot/cold behavior, breadcrumbs and recycling BS.

I am no longer participating.

I said a lot of very blunt, honest things I have been holding back.

Im done not holding her accountable for her actions.

I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN FEAR OF LOSING SOMETHING I ALREADY LOST MONTHS AGO

and it has had me acting like a scared child.

I have not been respecting myself, and I have been putting her happiness before my own.

Nobody is attracted to someone with no self respect.

That crap ended this morning.

You go, King! Kick that emotional parasite to the curb!

We did have a further bit of contact earlier this week... I still greatly fear her moving on with someone else.

Uhh, that's not how no contact works, King

Figured I would pop in for an update. Not much news, but she and I did end up hanging out 2 weeks ago, for one night.

Ughhh

I stopped reading there, but OP posts 45 more times in that thread, so I'll let you guess how well his "No Contact" went. I imagine it's like when @sneedman makes a post about quitting benzos

I Have Hospitalized my Husband Twice

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Confession time.

1. I have hospitalized my husband twice. First time he had punched me...I ran him over with his jeep...it was not by purpose. He threw himself on the hood and would not get off...and I refused to stop...I was bleeding like a stuck pig. Two weeks in ICU with brain hemorrhage for my H.

Maybe I'm just not a romantic, but I think I would leave at this point

2. Moving his things from his native country to our adoptive country. He woke up in a foul mood, swore at me. Then punched me. I ran to the kitchen, I was planning to go for my AM jog...he cornered me in the kitchen, would not let me out...I was scared. I grabbed the knife..big cutting one off the block and told him to Just let me GO,...he punched me..hard. I lost it. I never felt the punch at the time..everything slowed down, time slowed to a syrup, and attacked him with that knife, slashed him across the face and barely missed his eye. Blood flew everywhere, he fell backwards holding his face in his hands with blood streaming and I RAN and RAN and RAN and hid in the forest...

Surely the relationship is over now, right?

3. Last summer...a stupid argument about the same old crap. He became very nasty and vulgar and I demanded of him ":)o you really think that behavior is normal?" He punched me. Time slowed, grabbed a tissue box first and slammed him with it, then realized all I did was really piss him off more, then grabbed a glass bottle and slammed over the head at the base of the skull...he dropped like a rock...and I RAN and RAN the rest of the night to a friends house. Returned in the AM with the police and ambulance...12 stitches across the back of his neck. I could have killed him.

Ma'am, you seem to be enjoying this

A common theme on the site is extreme self-absorbtion. Everyone tries to relate whatever the OP was saying to themselves and share silly little anecdotes. The immediate reception to this post about 3 separate murder attempts is:

My sister punched me once tee hee

What do you tell a guy with 2 black eyes? Nothing. He's already been told twice and still didn't listen. <- Actual quote

I once picked up my wife and put her back down again

It takes 12 posts before someone steps in and says, "Hey, this is completely fricking insane"

Natasha Tomicic

>browsing bpdfamily

>having an account on bpdfamily

>posting your story on bpdfamily

>posting about you and your husband trying to kill each other

>USING YOUR FULL LEGAL NAME FOR YOUR USER ID

After reading the previous post, I thought, "Wow this b-word is a lunatic. I wonder if I can use any of her other posts."

So I clicked on her profile

WTF, bpdfamily.com

That's no fun at all (every account is like this)

At this point I tried searching her name. If it is her real name, maybe she used it elsewhere or maybe I would find a news article of a lady who finally dismembered her husband. Instead I found this:

Natasha Tomicic - stop this forum spammer

The following information was assembled in an investigation of a series of 132 harassing posts on bpdfamily that occurred in November of 2019. This was not a hacker ( bpdfamily is well shielded from hacking), but rather an individual using 36 different memberships to make hurtful and disruptive posts.

The individual, Natasha Schliephorst Tomicic, a Canadian living in Taiwan, participated earnestly as a member of bpdfamily from 2008 - 2015 seeking help to deal with marital difficulties, alcohol abuse, domestic violence, and anger management. She was a bit of a disruptive member back then, but she was working in earnest and we supported her and she was openly appreciative of that support. She has not be respectful of the community rule, however, and has opened 70 accounts despite our requested that she just work from one membership.

^ (She likely shared all this identifying information in her posts, but compiling it like this in a call-out post by an admin is unhinged)

Natasha Tomicic has self-identified as being on the sociopath spectrum. She divorced in the 2014-15 time frame and participated on a number of messageboards communities for people on the sociopath spectrum. At those sites she developed relationships beyond the scope of just messageboard participation that ended in interpersonal disputes and escalated to mean spirited Internet fights that spanned a number of Internet communities, some very obscure (e.g., google for more information ), and included off-Internet fighting. We learned all this from names and links posted on bpdfamily by Natasha (people she is fighting with), from unsolicited e-mail contacts this week from people who are fighting with her, and from work done by a private investigator.

She made over 5000 posts from 70 different accounts over an 11 year period! And she was deemed too insane for a place called bpdfamily for 4 of those years!