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:#!marseybutt::#marseygossip:

Finding a new booty call is about as hard as interviewing candidates for a new job. Not only does he have to be completely sexy and know that you just want to have a good time, but he needs to understand that you deserve respect.

You are proud of who you are and what you do! It takes a certain kind of guy to understand this.

Beyond this, the key to a successful booty call is having the perfect array of men in your rotation so you don’t get bored, and so that each time, you experience something completely different. (Come on, if I wanted the same s*x every time, I would get a boyfriend!)

Here are 6 types of booty call experiences every woman should have (and how you can find each with one simple text).

1. The Crazy, Sexy, Kinky One

This is the one that you don’t even have to talk to. You text things like, “What are you doing later?” — and he responds with, “You."

So you jump into your car, get there as fast as you can, and realize your panties are on the floor faster than he can ask you how your day was. The s*x is out of this world and you wonder how he can possibly even move his tongue like that.

He doesn’t even flinch when you throw him your brand new cheetah furry handcuffs and tell him to lock you up because he knows all about your kinky side and thoroughly enjoys taking care of it.

When you are done with all of this amazing s*x, all you have to do is throw your clothes on, grab your car keys and blow him a kiss while walking out the door, because you know he’ll be waiting for your next text. You are just that good.

Most likely found: At your local s*x shop, stocking up on new whips and bondage

2. The Smart Foreign One

His accent in itself has the power to turn any girl on, but when you throw in the fact that he actually cares what you have to say, it brings it to a whole new level.

I love writing, so when I find someone who can actually talk about literature and other things in an intellectual way, it makes me want to not only share my views but also share the view of what I look like naked.

Lucky for me, it just so happens that my current intellectual lad is gorgeous, British, and has a love for red wine. Sometimes, you need that guy who will make out with you for hours and cuddle you with clothes on, because hey, even the most sexually active girls need a little cuddle sesh now and then.

Most likely found: Huddled in the poetry corner of your campus library

3. The Throwback One

A week before each Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring, and Summer Break, like clockwork, you get that text, “When do you get home?” which we know truly translates to “When do we get to f*** like we are seventeen years old again?”

You’ve been having s*x with this guy for as long as you can remember, and he was probably the rebound hookup from your first heartbreak, so you can never say no to him.

The fact that you go to his bedroom at his parents’ house, and it hasn’t really changed since high school, really takes you back. It makes you remember exactly what it was like to be an awkward high schooler.

Then, you show him all the new moves you’ve learned since the last break, and you leave with a hug.

Truthfully, you will probably see him at a house party that weekend, where you will act like nothing happened, and you are just two old high school friends.

Most likely found: Playing football with his friends at a local park the first weekend day of Thanksgiving break

4. The One With The On-Again-Off-Again Girlfriend

At one point in your life, you thought this guy could be your next boyfriend, but then he ended up getting back together with his ex... again... for the fifth time that month. But for some reason, you keep answering the phone whenever he calls newly (and temporarily) single.

He is always ready for a good time — and he also swears this is the final breakup. Occasionally, he will cry to you about said ex.

You smile and nod, and tell him that he is better off without her, but he goes back to her anyway, at which point he stops answering your calls... until they break up... again.

Most likely found: Crying and extremely drunk at your local bar. But don’t worry, you’ll see his sexiness under all those tears.

5. The Older Rich One

Every girl deserves to be spoiled a little bit, especially by an older man or Sugar Daddy who has his stuff together financially.

He can take you to dinners where you can actually put to use that overly expensive dress you bought and swore you would wear someday. He loves that you are a young, free-spirited woman who knows what she wants in life (oh, and he loves that your breasts are still perky, unlike women his own age).

You’ll feel like complete arm candy when you are with him, and he won’t stop complimenting you... and who doesn’t like being told they are beautiful?

Most likely found: At a swanky bar in any major city, after five when the corporate jobs are let out

6. The Best Friend With Benefits

He’s the one you actually spend hours laughing with. You can take him around your friends, who claim you will end up together, but you know that you’re just keeping each other’s s*x lives entertaining until someone else comes around.

You go out for drinks and maybe even dinner, but whenever you think it's heading into relationship territory, you quickly remind yourself he’s only your friend — a friend who just happens to come over, eat you out, then watch the new episode of "American Horror Story" with you.

That’s normal, right?

Most likely found: You’ve known him forever! Now you just have to cross that line...

Now that you know what kind of guy to look for, and even where to find him, go out there and get him!

Put on a sexy outfit, apply that hot lipstick, and wear your best push-up bra. Then flirt with him like heck, give him your number, and wait for him to text you. Don’t worry, he will!

These six guys will be a great time while you’re waiting for Mr. Right to show up!

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Would you vote for Hillary in 2024?

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@Sasanka_of_Gauda wow congrats sweaty!

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Dating again

Okay I broke up with my bf and I don’t wanna do online dating but I guess there’s no other way really :marseysigh: any tips?

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Found a fun sub for new fashion ideas!

Please check out /r/oldhagfashion if you haven’t already! The gals there have a sense of humor almost as great as their sense of style! It’s very inclusive and everyone is welcome so come check out this season’s new fun looks!

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https://x.com/liljulsie/status/1571936543568457730

today I learned that Adam Levine is married to a VS model

then I learned that he cheated on her after 8 yrs of marriage while she’s pregnant w/ their 3rd child

and 3 secs after THAT I learned he wanted to name the child he’s expecting after his mistress

hold on I need a minute

https://x.com/sonnyrose31/status/1571907419797868544

Adam Levine is dead wrong for what he did, but this girl needs to take accountability. One google search would’ve shown he was married, so I don’t understand how he manipulated you into an affair for a year? Only victim is the wife and children. Like bffr

https://x.com/dizideee/status/1571925862110625797

Gerard Piqué cheated on Shakira and now Adam Levine cheated on Behati Prinsloo. Doja Cat preached when she said that men ain't shit.

https://x.com/kelsaywhat/status/1571901907089739777

the "adam levine wants to name his baby after the woman he cheated with" allegations are wild. also wild? why did he send a 🤷‍♂️emoji 3 mins after sending the most bonkers message i've ever seen in my life

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Reminder that scrotes of all species are vile! Thankfully the queen got away!

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Leonardo DiCaprio is now dating a 27 year old

He's still a vile scrote in my book

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https://x.com/byefeliciachan/status/1569334105577234432

white people are so evil to have some shit like #GoHomeMeghanMarkle trending. you’ll all meet that old lady in heck since you love her so much

https://x.com/smoldumblesbo/status/1569348440479666176

One black woman truly gets British people in a tizzy #GoHomeMeghanMarkle

https://x.com/lsmdolls/status/1569334366521933824

I’m here to tell the bitter yt folks that Meghan isn’t going ANYWHERE -

CRY

#GoHomeMeghanMarkle

https://x.com/theObi_OfLagos/status/1569341374226472963

Not white UK women trending #GoHomeMeghanMarkle bcus a black women took a prince they all wished they had.

So sorry, but she’s your princess and you would always bow when you meet her. Sit your racist butt down and be humble!!!

https://x.com/remembrancermx/status/1569342392087748608

Check out #GoHomeMeghanMarkle to see how the British populace hates a woman for being Black far more than they ever hated a Prince for being a p-dophile

https://x.com/NanaBerg8/status/1569080328140083200

Do one decent thing #GoHomeMeghanMarkle #GoHomeMeghan

#QueenElizabeth deserves to be laid to Rest In Peace surrounded by royals who loved & supported her & citizens of UK who loved her

Let them mourn in peace!

Without your drama!

Bongs are attacking Queen Meghan because they're racists and pickmeishas!

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Heavy is the crown for a queen like TrailerParkBride

Frick the haters @TrailerParkBride. Queen trolling shit. An inspiration to us all.

If you were a loser incel like the dudes hating on you, then they would cheer you on.

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Scrotes absolutely seething in the replies!

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thank you dramanauts

the date was awesome, a W for dramanaut kind. the encouragement helped

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My boyfriend is the best thing that happened to me in a long time. He is the sweetest, most non-judgmental person I know, and I love him so much, but my mom keeps being a fricking butthole towards him because she thinks he's sooo ugly.

The first time my boyfriend had met my mother, she bursted out in laughter and called him "frog face" right in front of him. Not only was it incredibly embarrassing, but it also hurt my boyfriend's feelings. My mom has always been an immature POS, but I honestly didn't think she'd say something like this.

After I confronted her about what she had said, she still continues to insult his physical appearance, telling me that I can do much better. The more and more this woman keeps this shit up, the more and more my boyfriend becomes distant. He barely wants to see me anymore because of my mom.

Reddit, what the heck should I do?

Should she: (Keep in mind that there IS a correct answer!)

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