this is the original twox thread: https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/16hll0e/im_unsure_if_i_should_tell_my_boyfriend_this?sort=controversial

even that thread is not that supportive of her

I don't see anything wrong. She didn't cheat on him. And she told him the truth. He has a right to not want to date her. Seems like they both behaved reasonably.

I mean she acted irresponsibly if her attention was to keep that guy. She couldn't close the shop down for 2 months while scouting a potential life partner? Seriously?

Personally that wouldn't bother me.

Technically if they weren't exclusive, she wasn't cheating. Was it implied at any point?

To me if neither party declared themselves to be exclusive I don't really see what the issue is here. Non-exclusivity to me means you're able to meet up with other people for a date, and yes, to frick your friend with benefits. I would presume the other person is doing the same, and if they aren't that's their prerogative. Once you're exclusive, if not once the relationship starts to get more serious, people tend to cut off the fwb and stop casually seeing other people.

You don't have to declare normality

And how is normality being defined? Seems like casual dating is now practically married levels of exclusivity.

>I wanted to build slowly with this man

that doesn't really sound like casual dating

I really don't get this "exclusive" nonsense? is it a particularly American thing or am I just too old?

I would never tell someone I'm going exclusive with them because I would always be exclusive with them. If I'm dating someone then I'm dating just that one person, I'm not at a sampling smorgasbord, trying everything all at once. that's just being slutty, whatever your gender is...

From the point of asking someone out and going on a first date to the point where we agree that we're not a thing, I would automatically and only be with that one person... is that not reasonable?

Slut shaming bs aside, that's all fine and dandy. Your experience does not correlate with a vast majority of adults. You're in an exclusive relationship with someone the moment you meet them for the first time? If someone said that to me at one point a first date I would leave immediately. Creep behavior

>You're in an exclusive relationship with someone the moment you meet them for the first time

Why are we assuming poster is a she?

Name of the subreddit (twoX)

POLL:

Was she cheating

YES - 273 votes

NO - 41 votes

Millie Bobby Brown reveals to Glamour that she credits her feminist awakening to a visit to a psychic, who informed her that she was, in fact, a feminist. pic.twitter.com/4YXXnQseul

— Pop Base (@PopBase) October 16, 2023

The top choices of lies that men tell women that infuriates women are:

1. Once he has a child, he'll be forced to grow up.

2. "The relationship will work if you just try harder!" from Long TDS sufferer /u/kittykowalski

3. "Women don't get along."

4. “I want a submissive gf/wife” he says when he can't even lead his own darn life || this one is from fauxmoi poster /u/ditovontease who has accumulated half a million karma in a few years by posting to subs like /r/30plusskincare and /r/AdvancedAstrology

5. “You'll want children one day” by /u/rosegoldfern who just posted a thread 30 minutes ago seething about age gaps, in between posts about Monster High dolls and children's television shows.

6. An actually valid one at #6 with “You don't like this sexual act because you haven't tried it with me yet." although this is invariably correct when it's said.

7. Whenever they try to tell me I'll end up living alone with only my cats for company like that's a bad thing 😂 B-word, that's what I aspire for my life || Basic literacy indicates that this is a true statement, as she literally says it is, so????

8. “I don't know how to use a washing machine you have to show me” which seems to be a constant refrain in TwoX threads to the point where I'm actually starting to believe that there are scrotes who say this? !fellas is this true?

9. Man with blue balls: “You have to help, it hurts!” || Also not a lie? Do the women misunderstand their own thread or am I out of touch and missing some slang here or

10. This is actually nowhere near as interesting or funny as I thought it would be and I realized that very quickly. But I need dramashekels for vaccines so I'd appreciate it a lot if you pretended this was a really good thread and upmarseyd it anyway please.

Life is just so expensive, like even the basic things that shouldn't be classed as luxurious (eg. Having a car, renting/getting a mortgage) that I don't know how a single person would manage to have these things and not have to share the costs with someone unless they're on an insanely high salary. I just feel at such a loss with life right now

First story

Do y'all have a weird, off-putting thing that gives you dopamine

>In a conversation with my therapist, I joked about the unhinged thing I was doing to cope with my existence. I have a blown glass snake statue that contains some of the ashes of my brother. We usually put a Santa hat on him around Christmas, but at the pet store the other day I saw that they were selling small animal costumes!

>So me I immediately buy a lobster costume, go home, and dress up my snake brother in the costume. My husband looks up and sees it and I'm like "brothers name is a lobster" like it's common sense and I'm not losing my mind.

>And I send a picture to my mom and she's like "this seems like a good topic for your therapist" 💀

>Jokes on her, because my therapist said that as far as ways I can be forced cramming dopamine into my system, this is probably one of the safer, if not slightly unhinged routes and it has her full approval lmfao. She's tasked me with crocheting more outfits for him since it's my current craft hyperfixation.

Second story

Wtf even is this?

https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/17882rf/i_got_tired_of_going_through_the_child_proof_pill

Third story:

Suck at veggies & nutrition in general? Life Hack Alert!

>Maybe I'm late to the party but I saw these for the first time at my grocery store & it was like a light bulb went off. They taste great too! I particularly suck at lunch which results in being so hungry that dinner is gross, so then I binge on junk all evening. Sure its just apple sauce with carrots but it's got more nutrients than 1/2 a bag or doritos & a few handfuls of shredded cheese!

Fourth and Final Story (Extreme WordsX3 Post)

I've started asking men with ADHD at what age they were diagnosed..

...and the answers have made me EXTREMELY bitter.

All of them casually said between the ages of 5-10. The age of 7 was the most common answer from male friends, acquaintances, coworkers, etc. The oldest age I received was 12 years old.

However, with women? The most common ages I've heard from those I've personally talked to are mid-20's to 30's. If you google it, most women are diagnosed with ADHD in their late 30's to early 40's.

The youngest age I've ever heard of a woman being diagnosed with ADHD is 15 years old, and that would be me. However, I still believe I was diagnosed incredibly late.

My mom told me she sought psychiatric care for me when I was as young as 3-5 years old. She even told the worker she suspected I had ADHD. Kudos to my mom for recognizing what took the psychiatric system more than a decade to determine. But, unsurprisingly, they didn't take her seriously.

I began receiving regular psychiatric care at the age of 7. I'm bitter as heck, because I was the textbook definition of a child with ADHD. Yet, it took them 8 years to even consider the diagnosis and test me for it. Funnily enough, they first diagnosed me with ADD. After 2 weeks, they changed their minds, I don't know why. How typical isn't it for women to receive an ADD diagnosis instead of ADHD?

During that time, I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was on countless of medications, antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, the list goes on. When I look back at my teenage years, all I remember is misary. I was deeply unhappy, and I truly believed that life was just not meant for someone like me.

I asked my psychologist for the medical records from the time I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and couldn't help but laugh at the notes.

"Patient is showing symptoms of hypomania: can't sit still, talks excessively, jumps from topic to topic, and has trouble staying focused during the appointment." Hmm, I wonder what a more reasonable explanation for that might be?

Although I was diagnosed at 15, I don't feel I was given enough information about ADHD. I didn't understand ADHD affected so many aspects of my life. I believed having ADHD simply meant I struggled to focus in school, and that there must be something else that's "wrong" with me.

I began taking Concerta at 21. At the same time, I started researching ADHD. Learning everything about the condition, combined with the medication, changed my life.

Now, I'm in a good place. I can manage my ADHD, I'm happy, and I no longer feel lost. Yet, the bitterness remains. I'm resentful that the system let me down. I can't help but wonder what my life would've looked like if I had been a young boy attending those countless psychologist appointments, instead of a young girl.

Every time I see a young woman struggling as I did, I'm filled with rage. Born in 2000, I should've been part of the generation where the system finally took women and girls with neuropsychiatric disorders seriously. But I continue to see the same pattern, and it breaks my fricking heart.

"The reason for the gender gap in ADHD is due to a lack of research on women and girls with ADHD." THEN START THE DARN RESEARCH! How many women and girls with ADHD need to fail in school, struggle to hold jobs, and find daily life unbearable before the issue is taken seriously?

I remember scrolling through the comments on a Reddit post where a man argued that women are more privileged than men. One reason he cited was that men are significantly more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than women.

I wanted to scream.

Neglect by the system is not a privilege. Dismissal is not a privilege. Underdiagnosis due to inadequate research on women and ADHD IS NOT A PRIVILEGE.

Men aren't more likely to have ADHD, men are more likely to be diagnosed with it.

I hate that I get so angry when I meet men with ADHD, because I haven't met a single one who has the amount of knowledge of the diagnosis that women with ADHD have. Because women NEED to be their own advocates. We didn't have the privilege of being taken seriously. We've had to become our own experts, doing the work the psychiatric care should have.

I hope to see a day when girls and women with ADHD are treated equitably. If I have a daughter with ADHD, I wish I will be able to trust the system without fearing they'll dismiss her needs as they wouldn't do if she was my son.

For change to happen, we need to talk about it. Not just among us, but our male ADHD allies need to speak up aswell. This issue should spark as much outrage as ADHD medication shortages, yet it rarely sees discussion outside of female ADHD forums.

Lastly, I'm grateful for all of you, compassionate, strong, loving, and incredible women and girls with ADHD. Watching you thrive after having to fight so hard for you to get to that place really warms my heart.

Seeing you all support each other gives me hope. I'm so happy that women and girls with ADHD have a space where they can be seen, heard, and understood, after being dismissed and ignored for so long. Thank you, all of you.

EDIT: Guys, please stop giving examples of men in your life who have been mistreated by the system and follow that up with "If that makes you feel better". Because no, that doesn't make me feel better.

Pointing out that ADHD is frequently misdiagnosed and underdiagnosed in women compared to men is not about comparing individual experiences. It's about addressing a systemic issue. I don't take pleasure in anyone being misdiagnosed or mistreated, and it's genuinely hurtful that so many of you think I would.

jfc the fact that she can shit out this much of text makes me think she's not an adhd tard.

Anyway !besties !pings !pinknames and !schizos I implore all of you to look around that sub. It has a lot of hidden jewels.

R-slurred foid @FrozenChosen has finally blocked me after my brutal assault of words.

Yes, this happened 6 days ago but I've been busy IRL doing shit and also on-line laughing at Aussies on the referendum.

Let's do a deep dive on what I actually said to her that made her tap out.

Offense 1: Calling Out Her Non-Drama

@FrozenChosen made a post here titled "Read this post to instantly feel better about your life." It was a drama-free post but fairly amusing and entertaining, it's just a loser (even by Reddit standards) telling everyone what a loser he is. Good times.

But in this exchange, the demented hole seems to think that it is actually dramatic:

Actually feel bad for the foid, med school is a b-word especially in the US and it sounds like she was pushed through her childhood by her parents or something which probably set her up to fail from the start. She could have saved lives and helped society and now she is a drain on it. Truly sad.

I honest bet she's like bipolar or smth, something really hard to cope with. I do feel bad for her. Still dramatic tho

dramatic, there's literally no drama here

"Dramatic, there's literally no drama here." That's a bridge too far my friends.

Strike 1.

Offense 2: Calling Out Her Stupidity

In a post about why men (males) are invading women's (male) spaces, she opines that she's not like other girls and that men just need a place to get away from women, like men's-only country clubs. Except, that's not the argument about why men's-only country clubs shouldn't exist. I'd call it a simplification of the facts, but it's more like an r-sluration of the facts. Let's look at the exchange.

Omg it was a big scandal at this super fancy golf club where I grew up. They were forced to admit women/let women play. I'm a feminist/equalist but darn just let the men escape their wives for an afternoon.

Like usual, you don't fully understand the situation because you have 4 holes with your brain being the bonus hole. The argument about the country clubs specifically is that many business meetings and deals are made in exclusionary clubs and that this put women at a disadvantage in the business world. This may or may not change your opinion (it doesn't for me) but it's a lot more complicated than "hurr durr getting away from nagging front holes"

Strike 2.

And that's it my friends. I'm out with 2 strikes, the overly-sensitive clitoris with a bonus hole for a brain blocked me for my insanely brutal bants.

getting some action from the wifey tonight 😍

I am Australian and have lived in Japan for a long time. I recently got divorced from my Japanese husband (he cheated). Now I am on the apps and am having absolutely no luck. I very rarely see guys who interest me, and when I do, they don't swipe right on me.

I think I am pretty cute, but I started to wonder if it was me and if I am just not as attractive now that I'm older (34). As an experiment, I set my location on one of the apps to Seattle. I thought there would be more of the type of guy I am looking for (handsome, educated, artsy, liberal hipster with a good job). I immediately got so many matches with guys I would be really interested in.

I don't particularly love or hate Japan, but I am comfortable living here and have a good job here. I also have a dog and it would be hard to move with her. Should I uproot my life and move elsewhere just for the sake of finding love? Is it common for foreign women to struggle with dating in Japan? Maybe the type of guy I am looking for is too rare here and/or they are only into Japanese women?

I think after your 30's you kinda have to lower your expectations. I mean educated, good job, handsome ; That right there eliminates like 80% of people worldwide 😂

Everyone over 30 who checks all of those boxes is either married, gay, a total butthole/slut, or some combination of the three.

Especially in East and Southeast Asia, where there is an endless supply of young attractive women who want to get married in their 20s.

And if you are further limiting your search to non-Asian Western people, your potential pool of partners is infinitesimally small...

I don't see how slut is a disqualifier. It can be a very positive attribute in a loyal context 😩❤️ Everyone deserves a wholesome slut tbh . Treat yourself.

A loyal slut is an oxymoron.

Only if youre monogamous and lame.

oh boy....

poly and fat

at least she's trying to lose weight i guess

Apparently lack of relationships is the number 1 reason western women leave Japan, as it's common for western women to struggle with dating in Japan.

from what my Western woman friends have told me, it's largely because such traits as a strong personality, assertiveness, career-oriented mindset, refusal to be submissive or traditionally feminine, and expectation of equal contribution in the household are generally not very desirable female traits in the Japanese dating pool.

kinda fits with my own observations as well. Bunch of foreign dudes I know have Japanese partners, but hardly any foreign girls I know do, and basically all of them have horror stories about the shit they've put up with and been told by men when/if they tried dating in Japan. And the misogynistic shit I hear from Japanese guys when they're talking about girls is often pretty darn shocking.

obligatory: no, I'm not saying all Japanese men are like that, and no, I'm not saying non-Japanese men are never like that, before the white knights come in to protect the glorious reputation of Nippon

Nah, most Japanese men are garbage. I say this as a Japanese man myself.

There's a lot of garbage dudes everywhere, but Japan has some seriously embedded cultural sexism to reckon with.

she's not gonna frick you, dude

good looking, smart/disciplined, cultured, liberal and succesful. It's a high bar in Japan. I think a lot of guys in their 30s that check all of these boxes are already married. Are you willing to date younger?

>Are you willing to date younger?

lmao

why would a younger man who was that successful want to date a divorced woman significantly older than him though.

Like, dating is hard unless you're a young attractive woman or a wealthy attractive male. OP may still be attractive but she's out of that easy mode window now, so she's just going to have to temper expectations and figure out which quality she really can't give up on.

Op also described herself as "pretty cute". Most people of the same age here are(they're generally slim so that helps). I've been to seattle and a lot of mid-30s people have really let go so I'm sure there might be more demand for someone "pretty cute" there. Reality is harsh but people in japan can be pretty appearance focused.

any woman that describes herself as cute and not hot is mid at best.

Jada Pinkett Smith calls Tupac Shakur her “Soulmate” pic.twitter.com/Erk8jFhyO9

— Daily Loud (@DailyLoud) October 13, 2023

At this point Will gotta play Diddy in the biopic killing Tupac

Amber Heardtold her therapist Jason Momoa was purposely dressing like her ex Johnny Depp while filming the 'Aquaman' sequel ... one of many claims just now coming to light.

The news comes courtesy of new legal docs from Amber's defamation trial last year, which were recently made public ... and detail some startling allegations she made in therapy sessions back in 2021, when she and Jason were working on 'A2.'

A rep for DC denied these characterizations, saying ... "Jason Momoa conducted himself in a professional manner at all times on the set of 'Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom." A separate source told Variety, Jason's fashion sensibility naturally reflects a bohemian style ... pushing back on Amber feeling he was trying to torment her.

There are a lot more juicy nuggets in the docs ... including the allegation Warner/DC tried canning Amber ahead of filming of 'Aquaman 2' -- but not because of her Johnny drama, but more so over a perceived lack of chemistry with Jason.

Amber's then-boyfriend, Elon Musk, fired off a letter to the studio on the heels of that ... threatening to "burn the house down" at WB, according to Variety.

If true, you'd have to say it worked ... they did keep Amber, although a handful of her scenes were cut down in the final edit of 'Aquaman 2; -- including a love scene with JM.

It's a peek behind the curtain amid a lot of speculation at the time over how much the Amber-Johnny saga had affected their respective work prospects -- especially for Amber, who came under intense criticism in the wake of Johnny's victory. Remember, fans wanted her character, Mera, completely recast, and a viral petition got started over it ... to no avail.

Now, 'A2' is set to hit theaters in December ... and time will tell what the box office will be. The first one was a massive success, but insiders say this new one hasn't landed so well with audiences in test screenings, which has spurred a number of reshoots/new cuts.

In any case, we've reached out to both Amber and Jason's teams ... so far, no word back.

A woman who spent 20 years saving for her dream wedding has thrown herself her own big day after not meeting the right partner.

Sarah Wilkinson, 42, decided to hold a wedding ceremony conducted by her celebrant friend at Harvest House in Felixstowe, Suffolk.

The credit controller said the occasion was a natural progression after she treated herself to an engagement ring.

"It was a lovely day for me to be centre of attention," she said.

"The ceremony wasn't an official wedding, but I had my wedding day.

"I think you get to the point where you think 'I might not have this with a partner by my side, but why should I miss out?'

"That money was reserved for my wedding - it was a case of it's there and why not use it for something I want to do."

Ms Wilkinson, who lives in the town, said she splashed out £10,000 on the celebration after saving each month and adding any extra windfalls she had, such as bingo wins.

The bride was surrounded by 40 of her closest family and friends for the ceremony on 30 September and another 40 people in the evening at the tennis club opposite.

She told BBC Radio Suffolk her friends were not surprised to hear of her outlandish plan to stage her own wedding.

"No-one stopped smiling all day and everyone said what an amazing time they had," said Ms Wilkinson.

"Nearly every single one said 'that's such a Sarah thing to do'."

Ms Wilkinson said she wrote 14 vows for her to honour, with the first being a promise never to relinquish control of the TV remote.

She said she came up with the idea of the wedding when she turned 40 in lockdown and decided to buy herself a diamond engagement ring she had always wanted.

The wedding featured a traditional white sequinned gown, a tiered cake topped with a figurine of a bride kissing a frog, and her mother walking her down the aisle.

Her friend - professional wedding planner Katherine Cresswell - conducted the ceremony.

"As much as it was about Sarah, it was about bringing everyone together," said Ms Cresswell.

"There's always a need to celebrate and I think we need it more than ever right now."

Despite getting her perfect wedding day, Ms Wilkinson said she had not ruled out meeting any future grooms.

"Not at all... but it was just a case of giving up looking because it's a lot of effort," she said.

I swear I see it so often, both online and while engaging in casual conversation, that I no longer believe people realize it's an incredibly rude thing to say. If a girl says something about feminism or body autonomy rights the automatic answer is some sort of "joke" about daddy issues or "you say that because your father left you". And of course the classic "you hate men because your dad didn't love you".

It's so gross, rude and misogynistic to even try passing it off as a joke. I have taken a like to nip that shit in the bud when I hear it, replying that I, in fact, had no father growing up causing me to end up in therapy with issues with self harm and anxiety and their jokes were retraumatizing and making me consider trying again. They immediately turn paper white and start babbling apologies. The last part it's not true, I couldn't care less about my POS sperm donor and my life is happier without him.

Some people (both men and women, not only men, some women have some deranged misogynistic opinions) really need to get a grip with rude comments and how someone really struggling might perceive them.

ETA: Wow someone really reported me to Reddit Care Resources lol. I'm sorry so many of you are triggered.

This chick sounds fun, not surprised she has daddy issues.

Don't make fun of ANYONE for ANYTHING they can't control. Hoping to find some manlet seethe? I was too, but didn't see any. Found this though:

No it is not. As a matter of fact, it's not acceptable to make fun of anyone for something they don't control or can't change in their lives. As a man, I always thought it was pathetic to make fun of anyone for their parental circumstances. Men who abandon their children are also fricking pieces of garbage.

As are the women who choose to procreate with these losers.

Blaming women for men's faults. Classic, regurgitated misogynistic drivel.

Blaming men for womens choices seems equally ridiculous.

Excusing men for abandoning their children seems cruel, misogynistic and just plain idiotic.

No one is excusing men. By definition, saying a woman should not procreate with a loser is blaming the man. But the woman has much responsibility too. She is in control of reproduction.

Incredibly naive thing to say, especially in the current political climate

What's naïve about it?

Many partners seem perfectly good and responsible up until the woman gets pregnant, then they switch up and become absent or abusive. Women can't tell the future, there's no way to be 100% certain that your partner won't leave you high and dry. Additionally, women can get pregnant against their will, and millions of women live in places where they don't have access to reproductive care.

That is a myth. The signs are always there. I've seen countless stories on here of women with men who are abusive, controlling, irresponsible, and broke. And then they're like “should I leave him?” You just don't want to admit that there are thousands of irresponsible and low self-esteem women out there. And men become fathers against their will too.

I know you try to spin this as some kind of misogynistic, or incel type of deal; but that's not true. The simple fact is this: I readily acknowledge that a lot of men are buttholes. But you refuse to acknowledge that a lot of women are buttholes too. THAT'S what this is.

It's a myth huh? So you're saying millions of women are just too stupid to see the signs? Gtfo

How about how women make fun of men with mommy issues?:

And it literally just makes men look THAT MUCH WORSE

Yeah, let's put women down for the actions of MEN

That makes total sense 🙄

How often do women call out guys for having mommy issues though?

All the time….

Both of these are totally normalized.

Eh, mommy issues are almost always specifically regarding issues with the way the son behaves WITH his mother. Daddy issues rarely have anything to do with the daughter's behavior with her dad.

People aren't calling out Andrew Tate supporters for having mommy issues.

I don't agree. Trust issues, emotional availability, fear of abandonment, expecting women to clean up after them all get called out as mommy issues.

I've not heard them used in that context, the closest is "he wants me to be his mommy" for the cleaning thing (which is, again, not the same thing).

The vast majority of the time it's guys catering to their mother over their actual relationship.

“He wants a mommy, not a girlfriend”

To me, is the same as

“She sleeps around for guys attention. Major daddy issues”.

But who knows, must just be different experiences.

No, because one is calling out that he actually wants his girlfriend to treat him like a child and meet the needs he should be handling as an adult.

There's no context where a woman should be having s*x with her father.

Men's emotional issues aren't valid, unironically.

Hood neighbor comes thru:

Same way they degrade and insult single mothers but single fathers are brown nosed and hailed as saints

Maybe you shouldn't let lil Tay Tay cuminside you because he's exciting and pushes grams

Say it with me.

Womenarenotresponsiblefortheshittyactionsofmen.

I know a lot of men have a hard time hearing this; but you are responsible for your actions. No one else.

I grew up in the hood and saw many women glorify shitty violent men. So if you reproduce with shitty men then you get what you deserve

Actually, the above guy is all over the comment thread:

From your post history you're suicidal in Florida trying to buy guns. And bald on top of all that. Lil buddy you have bigger problems than worrying about who's cumming in whom.

Actually my hair made a huge come back si not even. You can go through every comment I wrote and still won't hurt me. Why are you so upset about my opinions?

Babes if I got upset every time I see a worthless man on the internet posting his bullshit I wouldn't be able to get anything done. You are not as important or interesting as you think you are.

Look here sweet cheeks you're still replying to me so clearly you are offended. Pls don't crook:(( Be a big girl ...and smile sweet heart. You'll look so much better :))

Aw, probably a troll.

I for one am getting sick of MEN shirking all responsibilities while WOMEN are held accountable for every last thing they do. Thoughts?

Most times, it seems to be because of insecurities. Fearing a past partner out performed them or had a bigger peepee. Fear a woman still yearns for the past partner and only settled to be with them. Also, fear of STIs

Edit: Reading through the comments, I wanted to add that views on shared intimacy are also a reason

I strongly disagree with this, but it's possible for some men I'm sure. It's like an intellectually lazy answer when we don't want to acknowledge most men are just turned off by it.

I'll use myself as an example. I'm statistically in the top 0.5% for peepee size, probably higher. Absolutely not concerned a woman would randomly come across bigger. But even if she explicitly looked for a further outlier, I know that's not the be-all end-all of a great experience. I'm in phenomenal shape, very attractive, and I've put in the work to be a selfless partner who doesn't wield my peepee like it's all I need to bring to the table. Point being, I'm not insecure she'd come across a better overall option...even if there always are people who are better than you in some specific way. I know what I offer. I still care about body count and wouldn't commit to a woman with a high one. That's not going to change moving forward either.

snappy material

This whole "body count" thing baffles me. I'm 46. I've slept with quite a few men. Not one of them has ever asked me how many partners I've had or seemed to care at all.

But online I see this shit all the time. So I've made the assumption that it matters predominantly to four types of men:

1. Those who have little or no dating/sexual experience and are nervous of a sexual partner being far more experienced than them.

2. Those who have low self confidence and don't want to have to "compete" with previous partners.

3. Incels and Andrew Tate type followers.

4. Ultra religious men.

I honestly believe it's exclusively the first two but men obfuscate it with the last two.

As a guy, that's my take as well. It almost always comes down to insecurity or jealousy. The justifications will vary (because it has to be someone else's flaw), but those two are almost always at the core.

>because it has to be someone else's flaw

How about men who view s*x differently and are against casual s*x? Finding someone with different values. I e rejected a few women because of this and I just didn't tell them. It's more common than you think but most guys aren't going to say it to your face obviously.

It's even more bizarre how women shame men for having preferences.

Then don't have casual s*x?

How does this make it impossible to date women who have had casual s*x?

That's just my personal preference and I have different values. Instead of trying to change my mind why not find a guy who doesn't care at all? If it's not a big deal why waste energy trying to convince me my preference isn't bad?

Misogyny

They pretend it's about the woman, but actually it's about them. If a woman has slept with many men, that means they're not special, and even if they don't want to admit it, men want to feel special too.

Women in that scenario blame themselves, where men blame women for their own insecurities.

>Women in that scenario blame themselves, where men blame women for their own insecurities

did you read the other comments?

If I consider how I'd feel about a male partner with a high body count, I'd be concerned about whether or not they're mature, steady, and likely to be faithful. It's not about slut shaming. It's that I'd worry that they're just self-indulgent and hedonistic. It's a perfectly valid lifestyle, but not really one I want to tie myself to.

I don't see why a man couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't have the same concerns about a woman with a high body count.

It's not just men that have opinions on their partners body count. I'm a woman and I care. Well for many reasons. The prospect of STDs come into play with increased partners. But, I also believe the physical intimacy of s*x is not separate from the emotional and psychological connection of s*x. I did not desire a partner who has shared that experience and therefore connection to many other women. My husband and I discussed our sexual history very early on in our relationship.

But STD you can get tested for, it is not like it will be a surprise for you and you can tell if someone has STD by their body count, and you can also wear protection when you date someone.

I mean I'm not going to argue with you about my desire to avoid catching an std, that doesn't seem very productive or really relevant. And having body count as a standard for marriage has zero impact on anyone other then the two consenting adults who enter into that relationship. So I don't understand why everyone gets angry when someone has body count as their standard.

internalised misogyny

tldr: white woman takes on $120k in debt to get a graduate degree in writing, whines about it

Get your Bingo cards out for use of "mansplaining."

I recently went to a queer/sapphic event. I had to go out of town for it, there's so very few wlw events in my area, if any at all.

The amount of cishet men who showed up, had the event explained to them, and still paid cover to stand awkwardly in the corners or tried in vain to hit on attendees was baffling.

One guy just stood uncomfortably close to a couple who were dancing and kissing, and he just stared.

The people working the door did their best to explain that maybe this event isn't the best one for them but nope. They wanted to come invade a feminine and queer space even though they were none of these things.

I used to run these types of events and we were never able to explicitly say cishet men weren't welcome because they'd get us shut down for being exclusionary.

Why? Why do they do this. Well. I know why. But on what fricking planet is this acceptable?

Just let us have this one thing.

the OP is 38 AFAB, homoromantic and omnisexual

A person who is homoromantic is romantically attracted to people who are the same or a similar gender as them.

People who identify as omnisexual are attracted to those of all gender identities and sexual orientations.

also this:

Hot take - if herpes or HPV are life-alteringly terrifying for you, nonmonogamy probably isn't for you

They also spend a lot of time reminding everyone how abusive Jonah Hills was

Hill, for his part, relied on a mixture of thoroughly manipulative therapy-speak and good old-fashioned slut shaming to keep his then girlfriend in line. What's most objectionable about the messages is his blatant use of his own mental health journey as a means to control Brady. Hill has spoken very publicly about his body image issues and his mental health, and even made a documentary about his therapist. I imagine that watching him turn on her using his newly discovered therapy language must have been nothing short of traumatizing for Brady.

Omg, that poor womxn!