We spent $20 million on a Sesame Street show in Iraq. It probably looked something like this Lmaooo pic.twitter.com/BGkKEFSjaf

— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) February 6, 2025

Kiwi Forums

This is Mavis

This is lime (fruit)

This is Calcium Hydroxide (lime or pickling lime)

These are not the same

0:26 Start of video. Jack is blown away by this thing his brother sent him about Amish egg preservation with lime water

1:00 1L of water, juice from 2 limes, and 24 farm fresh eggs appear in the jar because his gimpy stroke body can't do it.

1:40 Surely this will keep them fresh for 15 years. Jack plans to try them in 1 year

2:00 Jack wonders if the eggs will taste like limes. Talks about the Amish having basements full of lime eggs

2:40 The fake news bird flu is making them jack up the prices of eggs, but they can't get Jack's egg jar

3:00 Jack is going to leave it in the background of all his videos. Place your bets for how long it will take him to realize they're rotting

4:00 Oh yeah, this is part of his Amish month because he apparently fancies himself an expert.

Thanks I'm just trying to get brunch tomorrow

YASSSS QUEEEN let me reiterate that abortions hurt but I have no regrets and fully support them

This guy is suggesting buying bricks and hurling them at Catholics. Based or nah?

https://www.lowes.com/pd/8-in-x-4-in-Clay-Red-Cored-Standard-Brick/5013595093

https://old.reddit.com/r/sanfrancisco/comments/1i8z4bc/beware_anti_abortion_folks_marching_from_civic/m8y5ik0/?context=8

"Hand them glasses of chunky milk" huh?

Based? Finally someone pointed out Latinx are the dominant Catholic community. What does it mean, though? Will they connect the deportations with the pro-life latinx demographic?

AHHHHHH unironically gross and if you don't know they're talking about throwing a menstruation cup

I can't believe I'm just now finding out that the ASCII code for the letter "X" is 88. Before I would've thought it was a coincidence but now....

— Alejandra Caraballo (@esqueer.net) 2025-02-04T19:57:08.732Z

Concerning.

Reminder that Garbage Human is literally jewish and pushes these posts not for the reasons you would, but to mock White people, discourage them racially in the dating market, and because he probably fetishizes Whites race mixing. https://t.co/dIXm9g2awV

— Gnoticer Media (@GnoticerMedia) January 7, 2025

For the record, I AM NOT JEWISH. Yes, I have a Georgian/Jewish surname because my paternal great grandfather was a Georgian Jew from the Caucasus Mountains region of Georgia. My mother is a Russian woman from Leningrad (now St.Petersburg). I am married with 3 kids who all attend…

— Garbage Human (@GarbageHuman24) January 8, 2025

Neither you or anyone else know anything about my ancestry, you r-slurred dumbass cute twink.

Not embedding for some reason

"I'm not a Jew!" Admits he has Jew blood lol the joke writes itself

Also have some West African blood. Guess that gives me an N word pass

When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

This is embarrassing.

Just give it up.

His nazi friends aren't happy

this one hurts 😢

Such an awful betrayal

Sounds like you give a frick a little bit. Just saying

Not in the slightest, fren.

71 words to tell people your not Jewish.

You sure are desperate LMAO

You counted the words?

Maybe joining the nazis as a jew is a bad idea?

Depends whether or not you want to listen to a bunch of r-slurs

You are an ethnic jew and I was correct. I may be r-slurred but at least I'm not jewish. Thanks for proving my jewdar, jewish chad.

The two combatants face to face

Reminder that Yeshua, who Gnostic Media worships, is literally jewish.

this doesn't work in 2025 anymore you God darned jewish chad

interesting how the (((pagans))) who defended Adam Green also are simping for this jew and not even retorting what I'm saying. Most of the dissident internet is ran out of Tel Aviv.

I need to spend more time among the chuds, I don't even know what jewish chad means

thats jake shield's employee, who also has been calling everyone jewish whether there is some proof or he makes it up entirely to slander them. total piece of shit

You are arab and he is a kîke

No aryan should listen to your drama, get a job stop farm engagement.

And ye, i blocked the jew aussie already

I'm White and have posted my picture several times you fricking r-slur

See?! Fricking happy now? GOD it's so exhausting listening to you fricktards call literally ANYONE you don't like a jew. You know what that does? It's like when libtards started calling everyone racist. It loses its meaning. And we are WAY too early into the Great Noticing for 1/

any of that shit. Stop fricking self-sabotaging us. Or wait, maybe it's because you're.....

Anyway, we love you fren! Keep up the good work!

Nazi complains that nazis are r-slurred

Australia

I'd rather you be jewish 🥴

Yuck.. Take your trash opinions elsewhere

Ooops friendly fire

Which one is the surname Garbage or Human?

Well all Jews are garbage not so sure about the human part

Since it's j*wish, we can immediately rule out human

Wait until these guys figure out how many of these based noooticer accounts are actually white

Since we're doing this: What religion was your father? Did he identify as part of the Jewish community? What about your grandfather?

Your a fricking idiot catholic catholic and they don't never liked Jews

mothers side Latvian fricking hate Jews and my opa (grandfather) was in the ss Latvian legion my grandma (oma) called Jews rats till they day she died because of what they did to her country

This is not the jew guy btw. Dunno what triggered him

show us ya peepee!

Says the wack leftist brain...

Something is truly wrong with you mate..

Get some help..

Lmfao you're a fricking idiot

No, you don't understand, the peepee pick is for research purpose only!

No way you're from Perth, I'm down near Bunbury. That's a spin out 😅 love your content brother, frick these r-slurs making baseless claims about a surname 😂 you're the man.

He admitted he was a Jew you fricking r-slur

Mourning stage: denial

The determining factor is whether you speak telepathically to your own children,and if they speak telepathically back to you. If your parents spoke to you telepathically while you were growing up, and you spoke to them telepathically, this is the determining factor to be a Jew.

I see

LOL every single Nazi, Groyper or Wignat is a Jew or a Mexican. LMAO.

Frick you guys are funny.

Saving the white race by being forever alone. ROFL.

Thats totally r-slurred

True, he forgot to mention the and the

Ignore the schizo claims, but we'd appreciate it if guys like you and @lporiginalg

and many others stopped posting mudsharks.

We all know, you don't have to incessantly post about it.

It's counterproductive & paints a distorted image of white women, who race mix the least.

FINALLY someone says it. I've been seeing the same 10 mudshark pics on rotation from not just this account but others too. We get it.

Guys stop being against race mixing, how am I supposed to find a based trad white woman?

1/8, good enough for the Reich. Good enough for me. But I'm watching you.

The rest of him is slav tho, Hitler would have killed him either way

The master race is in full cope mode

One drop

Wouldn't that make u part African bc the first humans came from there

That doesn't count!

I am from Serbia and we were independent under Milošević. Jews didn't like our self control so they called NATO bombing on us. Milošević was not ideal but he knew about enemies and he actively fought. Yugoslav army was trying to keep banking cartel out of country.

Look at what jews did to Serbia

how do we know that pic is the account owner? I'm not saying the post is a lie I'm just genuinely curious where the info is from. Also some people can have physically Ashkenazi features from ancestry but are still not raised in a Jewish culture because the Jews r-worded Europeans so if a Jew r-worded an aryan in the 19th or 20th century the child may end up having the lineage while his great grandparents were mostly all Christians and every family member he knows being white Christians in the USA

Jews mass r*ped based aryans all across beautiful Evropa

Frick man definitely Jewish that fricking nose is almost as big as my schlong 😂

Imagine willingly admitting this

Is there any evidence of this claim? I just see one account going after another.

He admitted in an interview. Look it up

I hate it when people make claims and instead of proving it by citing a source they tell others to do so.

Be the helping hand you so desperately need and do something for yourself for once.

You're the one who wants to know it. Not me. Dumbass.

I know the way the world works and know that 9/10 whenever someone is behaving like you they're just making it up.

Why are chuds so angry all the time?

Aren't Jewish people white tho?

No

Yes

That settles it I guess

You have an Asian profile picture 😂😂😂😂😂 lmao

I'm white stupid n¡gger lmao

White with an Asian persons picture ??

I'm a happy educated neighbor :)

Bet you won't have that energy in person you'll get spit on and stabbed up. Lol

All sorts of interracial fights are breaking out

I knew he was Jewish the moment he kept posting anti Muslim sht . It's fine to not like Muslims but constantly promoting that crap is a dead giveaway for being jèwish.

Islam is Judaism for Browns

Islam is for all. Christianity came from the same region, is that only for browns too?😂 Read the Quran if you don't believe me. Only then you'll see how stupid your statement is.

You're Prophet was brown and r*ped kids

He was from the same region as Jesus. So I guess you don't like him either. And you're factually incorrect about the second one. But I understand many people are low IQ and believe things without reading for themselves.

Jesus is White, Muhammad was a shitskin. Jesus is the Son of God, Muhammad was a Camel Jockey Male feminist.

Like I said, low IQ

Many arabs have white skin, doesnt make them white you r-slur

I'm not saying Arabs are white, I'm addressing him specifically talking about the prophet, retàrd. He claims Jesus was white when Jesus came from the same region. Both you and him are retárded

Jesus was white though and descended from Joseph. Such as King David. He also spoke greek lol, if you have anything against to saying to it show me one blue eyed blonde "arab (even though arab actually means mixed) or a 100% jew

vs

I don't debate with apes. Shouldn't you be smoking a Newport and plotting some petty crime?

good thing i'm not an ape.

shouldn't you be sleeping with your sister and keeping an eye on the trailer ?

we don't have animal DNA like you

Look it up

Blacula , that's hot off the press. Lowland gorillas have higher IQs . You are a bio weapon directed against white Europeans by caiques

really?

only fans was started by a white man.

interracial marriage in the united states was started by a white man.

pornhub was started by a white man.

all white politicians kiss the wall in israel and push laws that destroy our country.

wouldn't the whites be a bioweapon against blacks? ☣️

You're so close yet so far. . . Jews aren't white.

everyone i mentioned weren't jews.

only fans guy was british, other guys were American.

what do you mean?

Blacks can't even be understand per capita, and the last thing i want to do with my time on earth is to educate blacks.

are you coping and saying the jews made the white man start pornhub? 💀

sure have a victim mentality for someone who preaches "pick yourself up by your boot straps"

Based black dude tries to teach chuds accountability

There's a lot more drama but my browser started acting up so that's all you get

!jannies rightoid infighting

THAT'S AMERICAN HOCKEY. 🇺🇸🦅 #4Nations pic.twitter.com/l68FFiNsmn

— USA Hockey (@usahockey) February 16, 2025

Someone ping more !hockey !chuds !burgers

I bought a 400/5.6L which will give me long reach to shoot wild raccoons, birds, butts, cars racing and boats. On my Canon R5 I can also shoot in crop mode which will give me a 1.6x multiplier without losing light like you would using the 1.4x teleconverter.

But here's the stupid part.

I've been really getting into video lately and most of my lenses aren't geared towards that. I have the following.

TS-E 17/4 - Manual focus, ultra wide architectural lens. Smooth focusing but you have to do it by hand.

TS-E 24/3.5IIL - Manual focus, wide architectural lens. Smooth focusing but you have to do it by hand.

EF 16-35/4L IS - Ultrawide zoom, great for video but with a stiff zoom ring which sucks because the camera ends up twisting when you try and pull a zoom

EF 17-40/4L IS - My first "expensive" lens, great sharpness and smooth but light zoom ring.

TS-E 45/2.8 - Manual focus, normal architectural lens. Smooth focusing but you have to do it by hand.

EF 50/1.4 - A really great, normal lens if you're shooting stills, but has an archaic autofocus motor that's too slow to keep up with video.

EF 85/1.8 - Great short telephoto lens with fast focus and great low-light capabilities.

TS-E 90/2.8 - Manual focus, telephoto architectural lens. Smooth focusing but you have to do it by hand.

EF 70-200/4L IS - Great for shooting video but only for tight spots. The largest lens I can balance out on my gimbal.

I had the 17-40/4L first and when I got into video, I thought I should have an ultra wide zoom with image stabilization, thinking it would work in concert with the cameras in-body stabilization. I was wrong. It's one or the other. So the upgrade to the 16-35 was for naught. In fact, I like using the 17-40 more, since the zoom ring is very low resistance and it's much lighter weight (not that I'm a kitty, it's just easier to balance on my gimbal).

Some of the more photography-knowledgeable people here are going to realize what I'm missing - a good mid-range zoom lens, like a 24-70mm. Especially since I've been doing a lot of documentary style filming and plan on continuing my Geezer Group doc this summer. Otherwise I have to be constantly switching lenses while trying to capture things in the moment, between the 17-40, 50, and 70-200. So what I'm saying is, I should've bought that. However, it still feels kind of redundant being a focal length I already have covered with other lenses, while the 400mm is something fresh and new. Especially after running into the limitations of the 70-200 during my recent trip to Florida while trying to film boats from the shore.

Was buying the 400mm a mistake? Probably in the short run, but I can always save up and buy a midrange zoom sometime this spring. I have money, but I can only access a little bit of it each month and there are a lot of things I want and need.

I dunno.

Most Based Comments

Basedness: 🔥🔥🔘🔘🔘

26M and 22F. You've been dating for 5 years meaning you were 21 and she was 17 when you started dating?Is no one else going to mention that? (252)

Yes thats correct. In hindsight, should've been a red flag that she didn't want to date people her own age. At the time, my peepee was doing the thinking. (-69)

Basedness: 🔥🔥🔘🔘🔘

The only way I'd say your girlfriend might be right is if your hygiene was lacking due to the phimosis. Noone likes an UTI given by old smegma, and then you'd need a real good plan how to address that.Other than that - time for you to find someone else to fulfill your dreams. (141)

I rinse my peepee thoroughly with warm water and it looks fairly clean to me. (-56)

Basedness: 🔥🔥🔘🔘🔘

Why did you go after a minor? That's the real red flag (50)

She went after me and I didn't say no (-50)

Angriest Comments

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

Of course not. It's clear that her preference is "I don't want to get an infection." I can't believe how many people demonize her. One of my friends' ex had the same issue as him, and she said it stunk really bad, and she was getting infections because of it (this never happened with other bfs she had). Ultimately, she left because of this (149)

Yeah there's a lot of stuff missing here. I had a boyfriend once who's toenail wouldn't grow. He didn't have a rampant fungus problem but that one toenail did. My first suggestion was to go to the doctor, they have easy solutions for it. He kept googling household hacks and trying to fix it himself. It wasn't even a „his body is bothering me" issue. It was that I was just so freaking tired of it as a constant topic of conversation, ie him telling me he'd made progress, he thinks apple cider vinegar would work, he is going to shave it down, no it's gotten worse now etc etc etc etc. it was so freaking stupid. My response to all of it was „go to the doctor". He finally did and it went away right away. It wasn't a topic again. But I did break up with him anyways just because of the frustration. I can imagine if this is something that bothers both of them, and the „self help measures" are constantly a topic and taking over their lives more than it should, and the self help mea... (48)

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

The amount of people jumping at the chance to tell you to dump her...sheesh.The whole thing reeks of "I love you and i don't want to leave you, but your peepee stinks so bad I'm going to have to do it if you don't get it fixed."And remember,  just because she doesn't love the smell of your fromunda cheese smelling peepee, doesn't mean there aren't millions of other women out there that will also not love it. Just snip it and get it over with. If she's not worth more than a piece of peepee skin to you,  maybe the next one will be.  (51)

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

She apparently keeps getting UTI's I heard from other comments OP is a knob head (125)

Dude straaaiiight up OP has a nasty peepee if she's getting nonstop UTIs.My wife's ex gave her UTIs all the time and she really thought something was wrong with her til she stopped fricking him and stopped getting UTIs.Dude was lazy, didn't clean shit, barely cleaned himself if ever, truly pathetic.And the rest of ya, watch your mouth if you come asking why she stayed, abusive people abuse people into thinking they'll never find a way out of their situation without the abuser's help.Like my first thought is OP is a nasty little dude who's mad his gf wants him to shower or do anything that makes her life easier. (78)

Biggest Lolcow: /u/Unhappy-Pineapple459

Score: 🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮(+4🐮)

Number of comments: 20

Average angriness: 🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘

Maximum angriness: 😡😡😡😡🔘

Minimum angriness: 🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘

NEW: Subscribe to /h/miners to see untapped drama veins, ripe for mining!

autodrama: automating away the jobs of dramneurodivergents. Ping HeyMoon if there are any problems or you have a suggestion

😉#SonicTheHedgehog #SonicIDW #SilverTheHedgehog #WhisperTheWolf #tanglethelemur #SilverxWhisper #WhisperxSilver #Silvisper #Whispilver pic.twitter.com/VWxfwcb1rr

— Draws (@Drawzzzzzzz) February 9, 2025

Context: There's two characters that are comics only. Usually they're headcannoned as lesbians because of course they are. Silver is often seen with them, so some fan drew silver railing one of the female characters as the other watched lol.

David Hogg is being a pig, according to Democratic National Committee insiders who are already slinging mud at the new party vice chairman.

Barely two weeks into his tenure, Hogg has been leveraging DNC contact lists to blast out messages soliciting donations to his own political action committee — from which he draws more than $100,000 in compensation a year, according to Federal Election Commission records.

...

Hogg co-founded "Leaders We Deserve" in August 2023 with the stated goal of electing young progressives to Congress and state legislatures across the country. It also provided him a six-figure income job right out of college.

Since the PAC was founded, Hogg has pocketed more than $175,000, records show, with more than $20,000 in salary payments coming in December alone, the most recent month for which public data is available.

BREAKING: Newly elected DNC Vice Chair David Hogg is using party resources to funnel donations into his own PAC—where he pays himself a six-figure salary. pic.twitter.com/2p1RY7PfGq

— Clown World ™ 🤡 (@ClownWorld_) February 15, 2025

Documents show that not only did the “Leaders we Deserve” PAC pay David Hogg $16,351.39 in May, he is also on the permanent payroll.

THIS MEANS HIS PAYMENT WAS NOT a donation. He represents the PAC with every single statement, post and speech he gives.

CALL OUT HIS LIE. pic.twitter.com/fRNDdMzkL8

— Sarah Fields (@SarahisCensored) August 9, 2024

DemocRATs learn the grift early

https://old.reddit.com/r/unitedkingdom/comments/1itweig/report_muslim_community_leaders_blocking_women_in/

No hezbollah in the government

https://old.reddit.com/r/lebanon/comments/1ijsb1v/morgan_ortagus_us_envoy_live_from_lebanese/

Syrians hate hezbollah

https://old.reddit.com/r/Syria/comments/1ij3g1o/syrian_forces_clashed_with_hezbollah_members_on/

Lebanese cope that they suck and are about to be killed by Israel

https://old.reddit.com/r/lebanon/comments/1igbqr2/strict_us_warnings_to_salam_and_threats_of/

Syria hates hezbollah

https://old.reddit.com/r/Syria/comments/1ijwq9h/syrian_military_buildup_in_hawik_on_the/

Wikipedia sucks

https://old.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/1il1zci/lebanon_forms_first_government_since_2022/

"Frick the syrians! Long live palestinian"

-average braindead redditard muslim

https://old.reddit.com/r/AskMiddleEast/comments/1iklmys/syrian_forces_clashed_with_hezbollah_members_on/

Lebanon begs Trump for death

https://old.reddit.com/r/geopolitics/comments/1ilsdqb/defying_us_pressure_lebanon_welcomes_hezbollah/

Well I have no friends who are open enough to talk about this with me so here we go good girlies in my pocket screen

Ever since starting E 9 mths ago my libidos been all but shot, and since then its only ever been relieved like once or twice???

I'm lesbian so I like to read yuri in my free time and my favourite title rn is Green Tea B-word (up top to any of my girls who peruse) and oh my oh my the latest chapter was so STEAMY that i just HAD to, i could NOT stop myself

And good fricking GOD I have NEVER EVER experienced a girl-horny like this, when I was pre-HRT climaxing used to be a purely lower-body thing but ever since E, I've started feel it in my EnTiRe body and it really SWEEPS over me, especially in the chest and head,,,, its just so much fuller and overwhelming

I ended up going 5 or 6 rounds on my own until my legs were trembling and I was a puddle of useless gender fluid on my bed and I have never been SO fricking glad I'm a girl now

My heart is still pounding but thats all I just wanted to share with someone what a fricking wild experience that was because it left me so giddy and exhausted in the best way ever

!transphobes Remember, it's not a fetish.

!nooticers

Canine beauticians, DJs and pilates instructors are among the categories of overseas workers eligible to apply for UK skilled worker visas, an Oxford academic has found.

As the government promises a white paper later this year to slash the numbers entering the UK to work, a list of specific and in some cases unusual "middle-skilled" jobs to which foreign workers can still apply has been identified.

Analysis of Home Office data over three years to March 2024 shows that 334 visas were granted for "animal care service occupations", which include dog groomers, dog walkers, stable hands, kennel assistants and veterinary nursing assistants.

Over the same period, 167 fitness and wellbeing instructors, who include pilates and yoga teachers and lifestyle coaches, were given skilled worker visas.

Keir Starmer is launching an immigration policy drive amid a poll surge by Nigel Farage's Reform UK party.

The list of occupations also includes "costume interpreters" – the people wearing period dress who greet visitors at museums and National Trust properties.

The anomalies were unearthed by Robert McNeil, a researcher at the University of Oxford's Centre on Migration, Policy and Society. "Many of these roles may well be challenging and require particular skills, but they might not be the sort of things that are front of mind for most people when they imagine roles that are critical for UK employers to recruit from overseas," he said.

He found them among more than 300 designated jobs on the "eligible occupations" skilled worker visas list, after flitting past professions usually associated with visa applicants such as nursing, care work, the civil service, the diplomatic corps and banking.

In a blog post on Tuesday, McNeil said the jobs were on the list because of changes introduced after the UK left the EU. "At the same time as ending free movement, the government reduced the skills threshold to allow middle-skilled jobs to qualify for work visas. Previously, only graduate jobs qualified in the system that applied to non-EU citizens.

"When people think about such middle-skilled jobs, roles like plumbers, bricklayers or engineering technicians spring to mind. But defining what is actually middle-skilled is not straightforward," he said. "Some of the results are surprising."

The "middle-skilled" list also includes "air travel assistants" – cabin crew and staff who check baggage at airports. In the year ending March 2024, 869 visas were issued for these roles. Cemetery managers, homeopaths and cycling instructors are also on the list.

Ministers have promised to tighten the rules around visas after repeatedly saying they want to reduce overall migration. Starmer accused the Conservative government of conducting an "open borders experiment" in November after revised official figures showed net migration to the UK hit a record 906,000 in 2023.

The white paper is expected to be published in spring as part of Starmer's plans to see off the political challenge from Reform. Among the proposals included in the document will be moves to reduce legal immigration, including by linking migration to skills and ensuring more British workers are trained to fill jobs commonly recruited from abroad.

It is also expected to take into account a Migration Advisory Committee review ordered by the home secretary, Yvette Cooper, to limit overseas hiring by technology and engineering companies.

But Labour is also keen to show the UK remains open to high-skilled workers by reviewing visa routes. The chancellor, Rachel Reeves, told a breakfast event at the World Economic Forum in Davos: "We are going to look again at routes for the highest skilled people, visas particularly in the areas of AI and life sciences."

Home Office sources say that while the "eligible occupations" list is eclectic, applying for a visa is just the first step in being able to come to the UK to work. Foreign workers also need to be sponsored by an employer and most are required to be paid a minimum of £38,700. The required income drops to just less than £31,000 or lower if the applicant is under 26 or engaged in certain types of higher education.

Asked to respond to McNeil's findings, a government spokesperson said: "We are grateful for the work skilled international professionals do in the UK. However, it is clear that we must end reliance on overseas labour and boost economic growth. That's why, under our Plan for Change, we will publish a white paper to set out a comprehensive plan to restore order to the broken immigration system, as we aim to link our immigration, skills and visa systems to boost the domestic workforce."

Libs ownership status: pwnd

has no threads abput this lol

Edit: as per note

https://old.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/1iqwbok/defense_stocks_drop_after_trump_says_pentagon/

https://old.reddit.com/r/news/comments/1iorzko/defense_stocks_drop_after_trump_says_pentagon/

this guy is running around with the president (also r-slurred, to be fair) and actually dictating policy to some extent. Does anyone here know how absolutely bat-shit insane Elon's poe lie attempt was?

Anyone that has ever played the game would have instantly realized he had no idea what he was doing, yet he still decided to stream himself playing.

the level of just pure r-sluration this requires is off the charts.

White People Love Kanye West

September 12, 2008

Daniel O'Brian

Cracked pictures replaced by carefully chosen gifs to imitate their clever impact

I think I might've gotten Kanye West arrested, and now I feel like such a doofus. Especially given my history, I mean, this isn't the first time I got a hip-hop star in trouble with the law, (devotees will recall that, several months ago, I may or may not have convinced Vanilla Ice to beat his wife). In fairness, if I had known Kanye was going fly off the handle and get so aggravated that he'd smash an expensive camera at an airport, I probably wouldn't have said what I said. I should back up...

Thursday, September 11, 2008 6:00am I stumbled into Rutt's Inn, this amazing pancake place in LA, and Kanye was already there, waiting for me. He stood up and waved me over enthusiastically. "OB," he shouted, "My man, get over here, we got just oodles of shit to discuss." Ugh. He's a lot of things but, above everything else, Kanye West is a morning person. I am not. I sat down across from him, rubbing my eyes, my head throbbing and my throat dry. "Thanks for meeting me, Dan, this is really-" I silenced him with a hand wave. "I'm gonna stop you right there, 'Ye. This conversation isn't moving another inch forward until I get at least two cups of coffee in me. My eyes feel like fricking pinecones." Kanye started laughing. If I had to guess, I'd say it was because he was picturing two pinecones fornicating. That was, of course, not my intention, but Kanye probably couldn't tell that there was no hyphen between "fricking" and "pinecones." Because this was a spoken conversation.

OGs know this gif

I digress. Aside from the giggling, Kanye graciously allowed me several minutes of silence while I wolfed down two cups of black coffee. Kanye was such a fan of mine and I think he's alright, (I guess), so we both agreed it would be a good idea for the two of us to work on a project together. It was really more his idea than mine, but I figured I'd at least hear him out. I was, after all, writing a pilot for an animated children's TV show about a genetically-enhanced mouse that gets elected president; Kanye could easily do the voice for the sassy bird that becomes the vice president.

"Now," I said, after I'd finished my coffee, "what kind of project did you have in mind?" His eyes lit up. "First off, I just wanna say how psyched I am that you're meeting with me. I'm such a fan of the blog and your early mixtapes, from back when you used to rap. I mean, you're the Statutory Rap, man! I am so honored to be in your presence." "Settle down, Kanye." "Right, my bad. Anyway, I was thinkin' we could do an album together. You and me, you know, I bring you outta retirement, and we change the game, you know? You're still tight with Jay-Z, so I'm sure he'd be down to guest on a few tracks. It'd be tight, we'd get Weezy in there, Swizz Beatz. This shit's gonna be hot!" Rapping? That was the last thing I thought this meeting was going to be about. To be honest, I had no interest in the project and I made no attempts to hide my dissatisfaction. Kanye noticed immediately. "What's wrong," he asked. "You can still spit fire, right?" "Don't be a child, Kanye, of course I can. That's not the point." "Well, what is the point?" Now, before I go any further, I want you to know that I didn't think I was saying anything revelatory. I honestly didn't think I was telling any tales out of school, and I didn't mean to surprise or enrage Kanye West in any way. I mean, he says things like "psyched" and "oodles." I figured what I was about to say was common knowledge... "Well, Kanye, I was considering making a comeback, but I'm just not sure it should be with you... I mean, I want to make rap music but, you know. Not for white people." Kanye seemed positively shocked. "I don't understand," he said after some time. "Oh, uh, it's pretty simple. White people love you." I thought he was gonna have a heart attack, but it's true. White people love Kanye West. So much so, in fact, that I find it amazing that the foremost experts on stuff white people like have never mentioned it.

that was a real website in 2008 that white people posted on Facebook

Kanye West, still somewhat in shock, was ready to speak. "You're messing with me. This...this can't be. I'm... I'm from the street, I-" "Everyone knows where you're from, Kanye. And, hey, it's nothing to be ashamed about- you're selling a ton of records, you're a dynamite producer and you've sold out shows all over the globe. And there's nothing wrong with making music white people love, plenty people have done it in the past. James Taylor comes to mind." Kanye West threw up all over the table. "You lyin', DOB, you must be lyin'." Has he seriously never suspected this? "You don't believe me? Alright, as an experiment, go ahead and ask any average, suburban middle class white person if they're into rap. Go ahead. Right now. Pick someone off the street, anyone, and ask if they like rap music, and I'll tell you, (unless they're an actual hip-hop fan), they're gonna say 'Eh, I'm kinda into rap. I think Kanye West is great.' Trust me. Just about every white person who's worried about coming off as either uncool or a racist, which is to say, 'every white person,' will say almost that exact sentence, verbatim."

white hands at the ye show

"Stop it. Stop it! I don't believe you." "Well now you're just being a baby. Kanye, man, do you have any idea just how many high-maintenance white girls have 'Stronger' memorized? Fricking all of them, man. And, I mean, haven't you noticed that the way you dress informs the style of idiot white guys everywhere?" He put his fingers in his ears and started shaking his head violently. "Look, there's just something about you. You're just gangster enough that white people will listen to you and feel cool and edgy, (yet comfortable), but not quite gangster enough that white folks will be afraid of you. Or, you know. That anyone else will actually like you. There's nothing wrong with being liked by white people. Heck, some of my best friends are white. But I'm just saying that if you decided you wanted to feature Regina Spektor on an upcoming single, two things would happen: no one in the hip-hop community would be surprised or impressed, and white kids at colleges across America would absolutely lose their shit.

and it could be on the 500 days of summer sequel soundtrack

" Seriously. U-Mass Amherst might have to shut down while all the students clean up after their simultaneous orgasm. Kanye was, understandably, having a difficult time with this new information. "But...but I'm from Chicago, man, the streets of Chicago." His eyes started to well up. "Oh, right, that's another problem. You reference Chicago a lot, and in your songs, sometimes you call it 'Chi-town,' which is fine, but other times you call it 'The Shire.' Now, uh... I know you think that's a cool nickname but...I don't know if you know this, but the Shire is where the hobbits lived in Lord of the Rings....Do...do you know what type of people love Lord of the Rings, Kanye? I don't think I need to tell you." "Oh my God." "Yeah. It's pretty awful." "I don't mean to rap for white people. I don't want to make white people happy." "Of course you don't, Kanye, nobody wants white people to be happy." "But why do they like me so much?" "Love, Kanye, white people love you. And I guess it's because you're catchy, uncomplicated and generally inoffensive. Let's be honest, all of your hits are pretty mom-friendly. Also you're very clear. White people are crazy about diction." "But still, my lyrics. I rap about life, man, and the streets. Doesn't that count for anything," he pleaded. "B-word please. You rap about working at the Gap, smoking pot and having s*x with drunk chicks. Those are the only things white guys do." "Why are you saying this," Kanye said with tears streaming down his face.

"Because I figured you knew!" Honestly. I assumed everybody knew. White people love Kanye West, Middle Eastern people love Lionel Ritchie, and Chinese people are afraid of Smash Mouth. These are Pop Culture Commandments, I don't presume to understand them, but I acknowledge them all the same. I spend plenty of time around white people, I've even been mistaken for white. But I'll never quite get why white people are so fascinated by Kanye West. Also Michael Phelps. White people are obsessed with Michael Phelps, I just don't get it. "But I sold so many records...." "That's true, you've got some insanely catchy joints, no one's taking that away from you. But, you know...Blink182 had some catchy shit too, but I don't think anyone would argue that they helped out punk music in any way. Do you see what I mean?" He did. And it hurt. He looked practically catatonic, sitting at that table, watching his world crash around him. I tried cheering him up. "Hey, on the bright side, you're bringing rap music to the whole world. You're introducing an entire generation of pasty, soccer-loving white folks to rap. Music History will look back on you fondly but, uh...the same way it looks back on Hammer." If the Rutts Inn had sharper knives, I think Kanye probably would've used one to stab someone at that point. I never was too good at comforting depressed hip-hop stars after a pancake breakfast. I know, that is an oddly specific flaw to have, but it's true. It's my one weakness. "Listen," I said, paying the bill, "I guess this a lot for you to digest, so I'll just leave you alone. I think you have a plane to catch anyway. But, hey, gimme a call if you have any interest in voicing a cartoon vice president named 'Dan Quail.' Do...do you get it?... Okay, I'll leave you alone." An hour and a half later, Kanye got arrested for flipping out at an airport and breaking a paparazzo's camera.

Whoops. *** So, uh...State of California...hopefully this should explain why Mr. West acted out the way he did. Have mercy on him, this is a tough pill for ole' Kanye to swallow. Please, take pity on him and be lenient in your sentencing. It's like Kanye finding out for the first time that there's no Santa Claus. Or, that there is a Santa Claus, and he just loves Kanye's music. Because he's a fat white guy.

This is the most female Reddit thread I've ever read.

https://old.reddit.com/r/starbucksbaristas/comments/1ibmuqn/iced_cherry_chai/

Also average /r/starbucksbaristas logic:

https://old.reddit.com/r/starbucksbaristas/comments/1ibtwsk/double_standard_is_crazy/

"Why should anyone donate to a homeless charity that will support them when they could just hang out in my Starbucks all day and overdose on heroin in the bathroom?"

Bonnie Blue, known for sleeping with 1,057 men in under 24 hours is reportedly pregnant pic.twitter.com/w1Pv3aSARp

— FearBuck (@FearedBuck) February 19, 2025