The real Asian Street Food was not the Michelin Bib Gourmand awarded Oyster Omelettes I had in the morning

Nor a similarly Michelin awarded pork innards noodle soup that seemed to be hit so hard by inflation that they served us this in a huge bowl (we paid extra for the egg too)

But the random unsung street hawker hero you'll find at a random 7-11 or convenience store all around Asia (except Singapore because ) in the wee hours

Who might be smoking and talking shit with his buddies at the side but still notices you looking and asks you for your order

Whose menu probably made in notepad is simply "chicken", "pork", "beef", "seafood" with rice or one of the 819 types of asian noodles

Who then whips up the obvious choice of seafood instant noodles on the grill and tells you to frick off to the 7-11 first if you don't like to wait

Whose fricking culinary masterpiece hits you right in the nose when you take it out of the takeaway bag and into a proper bowl

Who mogs your cooking because your supper avoidant wife finishes half the bowl when you offer her a bite

Whose mastery of cooking 4 types of proteins with 820 types of carbs you'll never beat because you were never from the favelas

Sadly the only proof I have of him existing is this random chopstick, wedge of lime and random thai/asian seasonings in a non-descript plastic bag, but IYKYK

This post is fricking gay and unnecessary but enveloped my soul as I had the first REAL asian street food meal ever since fricking covid broke

And I still vividly remember it being a warm and comforting bowl of congee that I had while severely hungover/drunk in Phnom Penh a couple hours or five after midnight

That's why I know how to make congee: https://rdrama.net/h/food/post/229447/marseyitsoverwerebackchingchon-chiobus-silky-cantonese-congee-recipe

They even help to keep Asians relatively slim because:

• The serving sizes are just perfect

• 50% of the time it'll give you the shits anyway

!goyslopenjoyers plz try the asian goyslop if you ever come across it

God I feel like just taking that walk down a dark alleyway just to order another bowl right now

Neighbour did I really longpost over a $5 bowl of instant noodles

Worth it

Frick it I'll just do it for the pics brb

They were literally just cleaning up when I reached FRICK

AT LEAST I have some more proof of his existence

And the name of his stall is literally just "pad thai" bro I love you but that's not gonna help even if your genius was operating in Finland or something

But at the end of the day the absolute balls to call yourself "pad thai" because you know that you're the best and deserve it

Ok I'm going to bed sad now because it's like some love story where you missed "the one" by 5 minutes due to longposting on a orange cat enjoying homo forum good night

Also I should have lied that the noodles had thai estradiol or something so the !jannies would pin my effortpost but alas I guess that would be too many posts for their tastes thanks

Lmao suddenly thought of the "Sorrowful Rice" dish

went back tonight and was shocked but not really surprised that it was packed full of locals another testament to the chef's skills

gonna dig in now with some thai whisky for the full thai experience too, the place also makes oyster omelettes so I had to try since the Michelin ones were pretty meh

Update: Pad thai was amazing as usual and they should stick to that IMO oyster omelette tasted bad to me but maybe that's their style since I didn't like the other ones too the noodles though O M G

edit: alcohol purchase hours are so weird here because you're allowed to buy booze from 11am onwards till midnight except for a 3 hour period between 2-5 pm lol

something to take note of if you ever come to thailand

@chiobu was taunting me with delicious singaporean food while i was away from my kitchen, now that i'm home i made a bowl with his marsey on it + tried my hand at the recipe i've been thinking about for 2 weeks

original recipes: https://www.singaporeanmalaysianrecipes.com/bak-chor-mee-singaporean-noodles/#recipe https://www.singaporeanmalaysianrecipes.com/bak-chor-mee-singaporean-noodles/#recipe

my mayo version with subbed ingredients i could find here:

(most of the ingredients + marinating meats + soaking shrooms, u don't actually need 5 spice i got it out on autopilot)

120g flat egg noodles (dry), i used half wide, half thin

ground pork:

50g ground pork

2 tsp soy sauce

1/4 tsp white pepper

1 tsp cornstarch

1 tsp toasted sesame oil

sliced pork:

50g thinly sliced pork

1 tsp soy sauce

MSG MSG MSG

white pepper

broth:

pork stock from my freezer, ~1L (to make your own just boil bones and water)

1 bunch spring onions, use the butts

10 black peppercorns

1 star anise

2 tsp salt

MSG MSG MSG

2 tbsp dried spicy anchovies

shrooms:

30g dried shiitake

250 ml water

2 tbsp soya

1 tbsp fish sauce

1 tbsp chinese black vinegar

1 tsp sugar

toppings:

LARD

spam lmao

soya

chili oil (the fermented kind with peanuts :drool:)

shroom liquid

chinese black vinegar

broth

fish balls i made an undetermined time ago from my freezer

chopped spring onion

instructions

night b4:

soak shrooms in hot water, cover

day of:

meats: marinade the meats in separate bowls with the ingredients called for

stock: put everything from the broth category into a pot except the anchovies, cook for at least an hour, skimming if you notice blech on top. add anchovies, cook another 15 minutes, strain and keep stock hot

shrooms: put all the stuff from the shroom category in a pot, simmer for an hour or until the liquid has mostly absorbed, keep warm and keep extra shroom liquid

noodles: cook in boiling water silly

toppings and assembly: fry spam in lard cus you're a fat piece of shit, slice some shrooms, put fishcakes in your broth and cook them for a few minutes, put your meat in a skimmer in the broth and cook for ~1 minute (or until done to your liking) while stirring it around with your chopsticks so it cooks evenly, serve all of it over noodles along with however much vinegar/lard/chili oil/broth/shroom liquid that you like, add spring onions because vegetables means it's healthy

notes: would make fewer shrooms next time (maybe 15g) as my ratio was off, would figure out what pork i'm actually supposed to use (this actually a lie i would use spam 100% of the time because spam is the best), maybe use less fish sauce with the shrooms next time, i bet vinegar in the ground pork marinade would go hard

compared to the photos from the recipe i don't think i did too bad! < theirs mine>

overall 10/10 so glad i prepped extras so i can have it for a few days, no clue how people there stay while having this easily accessible, thank you chiobu for telling me about this!!!!

Title

https://www.reuters.com/business/healthcare-pharmaceuticals/us-requires-bird-flu-tests-any-cattle-moving-interstate-commerce-2024-04-24/

!goyslopenjoyers I saw this one at the gas station when I saw the dr. pebbah flavored one but I didn't buy it until recently

out of desire for completeness, even after being burned by the soda stick, I returned to mr jack link's loving arms to be fed more meat

conclusion? this onen was pretty much normal. frito chili cheese blends well with the concept of meat stick

in fact I ate it last week but I took a break from marsey due to a deat h in the family

and I don't remember anything about it.

I was also eating ground beef with cheese in it that night (homemade slop)

it all blended together

far and above the dr pepper meat which still sits on my desk to this day, opened, bereft one tiny bite, ever enduring. I'll see how long the preservatives last.

if it isn't useful as food it can be of use to science

today i went out to a taco restaurant and ordered the strangest item i've seen on their menu

chicken tendies breaded in hot cheeto dust, hot cheeto aioli, macaroni and cheese, and fruity pebbles

rated 6/10

the macaroni would've been much better and slop-pilled if kraft rather than their queso fresco. the fruity pebbles were good.

ended up not eating the other taco because this was a behemoth

!goyslopenjoyers

Fried Spam (Great Value luncheon meat) with egg on rice w/corn, feat. sriracha & mayo, drizzled w/soy sauce and wrapped in nori

I have a confession to make. I watch cooking youtubers. I'm sorry, I understand if you block me after having admitted that. I made the thing from this video:

I like Sam the Cooking Guy. He's funny. He posts almost every day because he's a sperg (also because I believe he's the #1 cooking youtube guy right now). You have to take his reactions with a grain of salt. He will make a salisbury steak or something and act like he's jizzing in his pants on camera because it's so good. It probably isn't really that good. This recipe is pretty good, though.

I did everything as described in his recipe link, except for two things. I followed the directions for my rice cooker instead of whatever he said, and I omitted his sauce, because it seemed unnecessary. There were already green onions, garlic, and ginger in the rice. I didn't see a good reason to put a sauce made out of mostly just those same 3 ingredients on top. I just squirted this (awesome) crap all over it instead:

This was a good recipe. It was extremely low effort, and it was very good. I barely spent any time in the kitchen at all. Highly recommended.

PS: sorry about the weird blur, I guess Samsung was feeling artsy today.

The review is a bit weird for modern standards, it never tells the readers if pizza is tasty.

thanks queen for inspiring me to go to the store and buy chef inspired pork to make a gourmet bardfinn sandwich

going to cut the rest of the quality pork filets up and throw them in some fried rice tomorrow with some spicy cabbage

does anybody have any soggy green beans btw

I'm going to put as much effort into this rereview as they put into their menu revitalization, which is to say not much.

They didn't actually fix or solve anything of substance. All they did was remove mustard from all menu items, add cheese to a couple sandwiches, and call it a day. I'm serious, they did jack shit. I only went here with other people, and they like mustard so they don't want to go back. By extension I'm not going back to Panera either. Good riddance.

Also: https://www.reuters.com/business/panera-loosens-animal-welfare-ingredients-standards-ahead-ipo-internal-documents-2024-03-06/

Lmao that was about the only thing they had going for them... I'll stick with Subway if I want low quality sandwiches.

Takoyaki

Tastes amazing. Just love going down my local Chinese owned, Korean employee sushi joint and getting some takoyaki skewers.

!grillers

Stumbled across a thread full of upset kitchen workers sharing experiences working with a well known chef with many series and specials on Netflix - David Chang.

He recently popped up in news over attempting to trademark his version of a commonly used condiment (chili crisp - the most well known brand is Lao Gan Ma) as “Chili Crunch” and has been aggressively litigating against anyone attempting to use that name for their version of the condiment as well.

Here is the thread of various opinions on that particular incident

That thread does have a few references and an article about his dramamaxxing and love for punching holes in walls

Some fun excerpts of the perfect scary asian husband from the article:

“The slightest error or show of carelessness from a cook could turn me into a convulsing, raging mass”

Dave's rage for cooking what was deemed a subpar family meal: “I will scalp you,” Dave screamed. “I will murder your fricking family!”

“It didn't matter to me what your personal needs were. Any needs were indicative of frailty and I was of the mind that there was no place for weakness in our company.”

Various Chang seethe threads:

I knew David Chang was an butthole, but this is ridiculous…

David Chang buying the company that sued him for using their trademark, then proceeding to sue small businesses. Frick this guy.

PBS on David Chang's ‘Chili Crunch'

A review of David Chang's memoir by a former sommelier who suffered his abuse during his early Momofuku days

Young . Big Ego . Narcissist. Well you need to work with the shit heads before you appreciate the nice bosses you meet further down the road . Character building ! . Why you guys get so worked up anyways ? He's just a tv chef. Commercial money . Strip away all the glitz and glamour and social media tv validation . Not much of a chef there . Agreed ? Be happy for him he's succeeding at something . Somewhat like a Jamie Oliver . Not too much of a skilful chef but plenty of success . He found his niche .

David, it's time to put the internet down for the night.

Nobody liked him at work, everyone actively tried to stay out of his warpath. His whole m.o. was to “catch” any minor mistake in the name of quality assurance and then proceed to throw a level 10 tantrum. Swearing, death threats, throwing shit, kicking/denting anything in sight, it was a common occurrence. His style is 100% combative, he would never pull you aside to teach/train one on one. It was always a public humiliation, simply put he enjoyed being the victimizer/chief overlord.

Honest question, did no-one at any point just punch the fricking guy's lights out? Back in the day I worked with some genuinely scary, ex-con types who would have zero issues with fricking up an Asian Napoleon with a sautee pan.

I'd just wait for or even bait him to throw something my way so I can claim self defense and beat the ever loving shit outta him. Frick it if I'm gonna be blackballed anyway might as well be the dude who broke some ribs.

CHANG BANG'D

I worked 4 months as a dishwasher and it convinced me to never work professionally as a cook. It was so fricking toxic and I, at 16, was treated so horribly I had to blackmail my way into quitting

As someone with Korean heritage and the Asian flush gene I've been wondering - was he also half drunk all the time? Every time I happen to see a second of his cooking show he's always red. (I never watch that crap deliberately it's like stumbling on someone's home security feed)

I saw so much racism, bigotry, and homophobia from him. We would call it Chang Banging when he'd scream at someone. He would belittle the CDC in front of the cooks completely undermining their authority

I timidly ask, “hey chef can I get a picture with you?”

He stands in the dining room and shouts into the kitchen space, “who are you?” (He knew who I was as we had interacted multiple times and call me by my name)

I tell him I'm an intern. “No, why are you here?” “To learn under you.” I respond.

He asks about how long i have before i leave, and i tell him. To my surprise, he actually then offers me a job right then and there. He talks about the grandeur of taking me under his wing and will teach me everything he knows. Only catch is, I will not go back to school. I have to break up with my girlfriend (now my wife) and work for him. As temping as it was, I fumbled my words spitting out, “I have to talk about this to my girlfriend”.

3 management level chefs stood by me as this conversation continues. David points to each of the chefs and asks them if they have girlfriends. They all basically say no because they have no time for relationships. “If these frickers are willing to sacrifice their relationships to achieve this level of cooking, you should too if you will ever amount to anything.”

He loudly shouts for someone to get a timer and then says that I have 5 minutes to decide. I run downstairs and run into my chef. Explain the situation as fast as I could as I'm freaking out. Once in a life time opportunity but also the terrible feeling of leaving behind my girlfriend , friends, and potentially letting my family down by not finishing out a full ride scholarship.

I ultimately decided that I will not take his offer. Before I finish thanking him for the opportunity, he yells at me and tells me “good fricking luck. I can't wait to see you on an employee of the month placard in a motel 6 in bumfrick Wisconsin. And no, you don't work for me anymore, so you will not get a fricking picture.”

He left an oven door open without calling "oven" and one of our line cooks walked into it when trying to get out of his way and got a serious burn on their leg from the over door. Chang laughed at them and told them to "get over it."

He sounds dreamy.

As a bonus, here's one of my favorite of his recipes for mul kimchi.

• 1 head napa cabbage, roughly chopped into 2 inch pieces

• 1 tbsp salt

• 2 scallions with bulbs trimmed & halved lengthwise

• 1 thinly sliced carrot

• 2 large red Fresno chiles, seeded and thinly sliced

• 1 tbsp rice vinegar

• 1 1/2 cups 7UP soda

• 1 bunch of watercress, leaves only

Toss together cabbage and salt in a large bowl, and squeeze to slightly soften leaves. Place a small plate, weighted with a heavy can on top, directly on cabbage to release liquid. Let stand at room temperature 1 hour.

Drain and discard cabbage liquid. Add scallions, carrot, chiles, and vinegar to cabbage; toss to combine. Pour soda over vegetables, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate overnight. Mix watercress into kimchi just before serving.

The banana slices are on a layer below the top layer