And in my heart there is COOM.

I am a HEDONIST. ALL IS NOTHING COMPARED TO MY GLORIOUS COOM.

If cooming has billions of fans (it does), then I am one of them. If there are only ten coomers, then I am one of them. If there is but one coomer, then that is me. If there are no coomers, then that means I am no longer on Earth. If the world is against cooming, then I am against the world.

If think about it, cumming is literally the PERFECT hobby. You don't need anybody else to do it. You don't need any "thing" else. You don't even need your clothes. It's just you and your body and coom. It's like a connection with god. Maximalism through minimalism, or vice versa.

I coom to genocides and abuse neighbor I desecrate the sacred. I blaspheme and spit when I coom then I coom some more. I'm an untrollable maniac if we're talking about the C*M scale hard peepee BBC porn human trafficking nigguh I corrupt the next generation by spreading drugs and STDs all around them.

You don't know what's made me coom so don't try me. This new generation of coomers annoy me. My generation is the one of true SOULFUL gooning. Everything else is just an imitation. Real shit, you think it would be a good business to open up a longue where I don't sell any drugs or alcohol, just provide calm music, chilled water, and a table where distinguished folks can talk about the finer aspects of gooning. What stroke you use, what new kink you've developed, if you're sick of one kink just keep GOONING until a new fetish lights your fire. TRUST THE PROCESS.

And you'll have some of the most amazing cooms imaginable

And to the admins of this shithole site: Yes this is an effortpost because you best believe I was gooning HARD when I wrote this. Headset on, "open video in smaller tab" shit nigguh I took my fricking shirt and pants off for this shit, we don't take half measures when it comes to gooning. I'm trying to start a C*M gang, you interested in signing up?

I GOON when reading the Bible

I GOON when I'm eating

I GOON when I'm on the phone

I GOON whenever I have even a vague sexual thought or my hand happens to brush upon my peepee. That's enough to derail my entire day with just coom. As you can imagine, it gets hard to deal with all the laundry when you COOM so much but I've learned to just keep a lot of towels lying around the house. Goon and wipe yourself as you see fit.

By the end of my reign, you'll be calling me Satan's Nightmare.

https://old.reddit.com/r/MTFSelfies/comments/1e4401e/i_know_im_thicc_but_do_i_at_least_look_good_wo/

This b-word is literally a redditor. Used to extend respect til I figured it out. Basically british bardfinn

Giving away condoms makes us popular

We may not have high speed rail but at least we have rap

Black people are cool

More censorship please

Trump is so dumb he's gonna do this tarded thing bc I don't like him

Long covid is real actually

What a life

This is all from the past day, she literally can't stop poooooosting

Double digit posts daily for four years. Basically a crack addict. At least she pays aevann's bills

Conclusion:

!nooticers !metashit

when a content creator you used to enjoy watching ends up being a toxic asshole 💔💔💔 pic.twitter.com/3FnMBoZMz5

— The Worst of Twt (@TheWorstOfTwt) January 26, 2025

You might know this guy from a recently posted thread from @BussyBoy where he says some mean things about a dead minecraft youtuber. I don't know if he wants his channel to be associated with rDrama so I'm going to refer to him as Brian.

Apparently BB/Brian NOT ONLY made fun of a dead guy BUT two weeks before he also made a very insensitive joke where he refers to a black minecraft pig as a "pigger". In fact, this issue was so massive that the part where he says it is the MOST REPLAYED part of the video AND sponsorblock has it marked as the highlight of the video.

This generated its own sneeding with many users calling this joke really insensitive.

Not long after posting the drama died down (because preteens have the attention spans of flies) and everything was fine... UNTIL someone brought it up again in the drama referenced earlier.

Ironic that this guy is trying to be a moral authority when he posts trash like this: https://t.co/e2LBLQCO8M pic.twitter.com/b0hgLELlqR

— Matt (@Owehttamy) January 25, 2025

The replies are pretty boring because, like I said before, we're dealing with children.

Just wanted to include this screenshot because it's so fricking funny that this dude doesn't get the joke after like 3 replies.

HAVE NO FEAR, ANOTHER YOUTUBER IS HERE! Totaling at 770k subs, TheMisterEpic chimes in to defend Brian!

Every tweet of gerg I see makes me like him more and more https://t.co/nVrWXrk8aT

— TheMisterEpic (@TheMisterEpicYT) January 25, 2025

He whiteknights for Brian like a good friend and mentions the obvious fact: it's ragebait made to generate discussion

Here's his whole discussion with OP

Now, back to the main tweet. Xitter user TheWorstOfTwt informs everyone that TME is a heckin chud and that nobody should subscribe to him.

I don't care for minecraft so all of this discussion is boring. Feel free to mess with people, maybe deny all the atrocities that happened? Maybe claim these youtubers are black? Idk

editorial note post writing: the guy who made the callout thread is suicidal lmfao https://x.com/Owehttamy https://www.twitch.tv/owehttamy

Most Based Comments

Basedness: 🔥🔘🔘🔘🔘

A big sorry to you from the U.S.Just know that at least half of us want nothing to do with these tariffs. (-37)

Basedness: 🔥🔘🔘🔘🔘

As a red blooded 'merican. I'd flip it off with you. (-11)

Basedness: 🔥🔘🔘🔘🔘

And a flappy head. (199)

Can confirm. We all look exactly like South Park portrayed us.  (31)

Angriest Comments

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

He even has Canadian hands (927)

Bro I'm so glad this was the first thing I saw 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 (4)

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

Just because a president is dumbo, and 30% of voters elected him along with his team, doesn't mean you should hate an entire country for it. This is the problem with people today—you don't realize that hatred starts from small things. Then one day, you wake up wondering, why do they hate us back? and suddenly, there's a war. Hate me or disagree with me all you want, but today it's this guy, tomorrow it will be another, and so on. This is how hatred toward an entire nation grows—because of a single person who comes to power. One leader's actions shouldn't define an entire people. (1)

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

There are a lot jokes… but in reality this post is sad.The orange frick, his administration and the policies they are enacting has made an average citizen in arguably our closest ally nation feel it necessary to give us the finger.Instead of "making America great again," these pieces of shit are destroying our standing on the world stage (which was already shaky to begin with). (1)

Biggest Lolcow: /u/CaBBaGe_isLaND

Score: 🐮🔘🔘🔘🔘

Number of comments: 2

Average angriness: 🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘

Maximum angriness: 😡😡😡🔘🔘

Minimum angriness: 🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘

NEW: Subscribe to /h/miners to see untapped drama veins, ripe for mining!

autodrama: automating away the jobs of dramneurodivergents. Ping HeyMoon if there are any problems or you have a suggestion

WANTED THE UPMARSEYS BEFORE Y'ALL REALIZED WILL EDIT WITH MORE INFO + DRAMA

This is what a burger would see before the app shutdown

Visiting TikTok in the US now leads to the following:

(website)

(app)

The ban relies on your tiktok account's region. Using a VPN won't do anything unless you're signed out.

Rising posts are a great place to find nice dramamines, it's currently full of ban screenshots but there's also gems like this:

https://old.reddit.com/r/rant/comments/1i4od06/the_fact_people_are_more_enraged_about_tik_tok/

VARIOUS DRAMAMINES:

https://old.reddit.com/r/Tiktokhelp/

https://old.reddit.com/r/TikTok/

https://old.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/

https://old.reddit.com/r/Tiktokhelp/comments/1i4pk5g/how_to_get_around_the_ban/ (links to a groomercord that supposedly teaches how to "get around the ban", not joining cuz r4 but ik some of y'all are secret groomercordians)

https://old.reddit.com/r/TikTok/comments/1i4nh5y/does_anyone_else_think_this_is_all_propaganda/

https://old.reddit.com/r/TikTok/comments/1i4fjd6/just_my_thoughts/ (doesn't talk bad about reddit for some reason )

Apple has removed TikTok from the U.S. App Store ‼️ pic.twitter.com/YFpa2g1BJ6

— Apple Hub (@theapplehub) January 19, 2025

BREAKING: TikTok has officially shut down in the US pic.twitter.com/vbxbiMwyJq

— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) January 19, 2025

🚨#BREAKING: TikTok has officially been banned and shut down in the United States.

📌#UnitedStates | #USA

Just moments ago, TikTok released a message to its users announcing that it has been officially banned and shut down in the United States. Upon opening the app, all 170+… pic.twitter.com/IJliuF5IVb

— R A W S A L E R T S (@rawsalerts) January 19, 2025

TikTok has officially shut down in the U.S. pic.twitter.com/jbgayWYUFo

— Dexerto (@Dexerto) January 19, 2025

Nature is healing pic.twitter.com/OMNTbObkZr

— Wall Street Mav (@WallStreetMav) January 19, 2025

TikTok has officially been banned in the U.S.😳‼️ pic.twitter.com/BsBfZJBHHa

— RapTV (@Rap) January 19, 2025

BRAND NEW UNTAPPED DRAMAMINES:

Breaking : CapCut has been shut down in the US TONIGHT after TikTok Banned pic.twitter.com/hNBg9jnKqU

— Raphousetv (RHTV) (@raphousetv2) January 19, 2025

TikTok has officially been removed from the App Store in the U.S.🇺🇸😳💔 pic.twitter.com/fCK0inALrd

— Raphousetv (RHTV) (@raphousetv2) January 19, 2025

🚨#BREAKING: Here are the following apps shut down in the United States tonight:
• TikTok
• CapCut
• Lemon8
• Gauth
• Hypic

— R A W S A L E R T S (@rawsalerts) January 19, 2025

https://t.co/CBXYNeC12Y

— R A W S A L E R T S (@rawsalerts) January 19, 2025

well tiktok is gone now 💔💔 pic.twitter.com/5676UcpKAy

— 🕐HOURLY🕑 shitpost (@hourly_shitpost) January 19, 2025

VARIOUS THINGS THAT I FOUND THAT I FIND FUNNY:

https://old.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/comments/1i4ph8x/the_last_video_i_got_to_watch/

They finally soyjakked the America is Fascist for banning TikTok girl pic.twitter.com/XAMxcwrF9F

— Spinachbrah 🥗 (@basedspinach) January 18, 2025

First Tik Tok now calculator app… this day can’t get any worse pic.twitter.com/MpURFLcOfA

— greg (@greg16676935420) January 19, 2025

MrBeast, Kai Cenat, and Soulja Boy failed to save TikTok. pic.twitter.com/d608wXy2wf

— DramaAlert (@DramaAlert) January 19, 2025

Unsurprisingly, all the bot nsfw tiktok subreddits are not talking about the ban.

!burgers !chuds !coomers !fartneighbors !g*mers !humans !pantspoopers !pinggrouplovers !pings !transphobes !wincels

I really, really, REAAALLY wanna drink right now, but I have a super promising date tomorrow, so I can't

But I'm defo going to the casino and getting fricking wasted after the date, regardless of how it goes (It's just our first date)

Are you drinking, frens?

!metashit :D

Current HP: 117/120

Current Mana: 160/180

Inventory:

• 1 Cookie

• 5 Marleycoins

🚨BREAKING: Chinese national who organises pro-Palestine rallies at UCLA, Liu Lijun, has just had her visa revoked

The Trump admin isn’t playing about. pic.twitter.com/DdozRjzE6n

— Inevitable West (@Inevitablewest) January 31, 2025

!asians is that at least like a Uyghur name? Do Uyghurs look different then Han?

Okay so this is just a full on Chinese. Weird!

Trump banned indoctrination in education, resulting in shit jokes and some sneeding from r-slurs like these:

This is precisely why I, a closeted transgender grad student a year away from my teaching certificate, have been contemplating unaliving myself. There is no way I can legally and safely be happy in this lifetime anymore.

It's not worth it with legal avenues removed, never able to change documents, being discriminated against and witch-hunted.

Should do it, and is an unironic threat to children.

Scary stuff for a Health teacher because I actually do teach about sexuality and gender. It's not my whole job, but it is part of it, and the curriculum we use is very lgbtq+-friendly.

Wonder where parents are getting the idea that gays are out to indoctrinate their kids into being gay... :marseywrongthink:

The sub has a few posts on this shit, it got some insane "im such a dramatic hero" posters and a few breaking that circlejerk to actually comment on why the EO happened.

https://old.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/1id7zua/update_to_my_previous_post_the_executive_order_on/?sort=controversial

I hope my trans students know I'll go down swinging for them :/ i hate that shits gone backwards since i was in highschool, we got to celebrate gay marriage being legalized and obama and biden running through the whitehouse with pride flags. They get to experience being fear mongered scapegoats for people to direct their misguided hate towards, all with the guise of "protecting kids". Just wait for those suicide rates to go up higher.

Trans kids are not the result of him pushing them in that direction at all, totally normal development...

We need a national walkout. ASAP. Between the immigration bullshit and the trans students, they want to turn us all into deliverers of a different sort of indoctrination that doesn't value, honor, or respect the individual rights of our students, and will absolutely turn us into criminals for being safe spaces.

Literally the next MLK in the making bros

Yes hello I am treating myself to a low-effort post-trump post

I plan on leaving the country or offing myself when my birth certificate gets changed back

Very masculine response

I currently live in a blue state with a republican nut-job governor. He will likely take Trump's side with every executive order he signs that can be enforced by the state, so my birth certificate and gender markers are likely to be changed back to 'F'.

ahhhh shit neighbor they gon change a single letter on a meaningless piece of paper, better crash out

What happens then? When other countries realize the US's attack on freedom of expression, will they let us in? I'm considering my emergency fleeing options right now.

oh yeah you're going to 'flee' the US are you bud?

The immigrants process is lengthy and expensive no matter where you go. There will be barriers that exist bc you are trans. For example, Korea is a no go. Iran, Iraq, Afganistán, also no gos.

Thank you for pointing out that Afghanistan is a 'no-go' I had no idea

By god do not let that sick fascist twat outlive you. You will live longer than him. Don't you dare give up.

This person uses ChatGPT as a therapist, manly behaviour

https://old.reddit.com/r/MurderedByWords/comments/1ii8swd/when_biden_was_president/mb57rxh/?context=8

Post history:

Thanos is a man, pretending to be a god. Q is a god, pretending to be a man.

BREAKING: Tesla now provides a discount of up to 10% on Tesla Insurance for customers who frequently use FSD (Supervised)

"The more you drive with FSD (Supervised) enabled, the bigger the discount is on your insurance premium." This new policy is currently only for Tesla… pic.twitter.com/Fjh0GT2fCB

— Sawyer Merritt (@SawyerMerritt) February 2, 2025

This totally won't backfire lol

https://www.tesla.com/support/insurance/fsd-discount#available

Related discussion:

https://www.cybertruckownersclub.com/forum/threads/tesla-insurance-now-offering-10-discount-for-owners-who-use-fsd-for-50-or-more-of-driving-miles.35591/

Starting now, the more you use FSD the less you’ll pay for Tesla Insurance.

Essentially Tesla is covering part of the cost of insurance when you use FSD https://t.co/Q7QT07PZkf

— Whole Mars Catalog (@WholeMarsBlog) February 2, 2025

!cuteandinvalid !lgbt !nonchuds DO BETTER WTF

https://old.reddit.com/r/ftm/comments/1icofmk/does_anyone_resent_how_little_effort_cis_men_put/

I need DC asap because the casino is fricking rigged, so you're getting a movie review! This movie is like two years old now and I still think about it to this day, not because of the pornographic scene, but because of the storyline.

The whole idea behind the movie is that a 30 year old dommie-mommie is broke asl and needs to pay property taxes to keep her mom's house. Instead of selling it off, she wants to keep it because of the NOSTALGIA o algo. To get the money, she finds a craigslist offer about a family who's giving away a car for a hot single in their area to "date" their son. The whole reason behind this is that their son is an incel (not a he-man woman hater incel) and they want to get him used to socializing before he's sent off to college. After this, the movie is mostly comedic filler that doesn't really expand on the story, but is still fun to watch. She goes to the place that the son is working at (as the parents don't want him to know it's all staged) and tries seducing him. I forgot how it happens but she ends up getting him in some van and he pepper-sprays her thinking she's going to r*pe him (friggin sweet!). The only other memorable part is the scene on the beach where they go skinny dipping for some reason, a group of teens steal their clothes and a NAKED JENNIFER LAWRENCE beats the shit out of them. After that she tries having s*x with the incel but he refuses, so she then steals HIS clothes and tries to drive off which results in him jumping on her (borrowed) car and fighting for some reason. The scene is both funny and arousing (to me at least). I also now permanently associate Maneater with this scene, which is somewhat nice.

Later in the movie, the incel finds true love and ALMOST has s*x with someone who wasn't trying to use him, but SHE ends up barging in and ending anything that was going on between them. The next day, the incel overhears his parents conversing with the MC about how she needs to convince him to go to college and not stay with the actual love of his life. In a fit of rage, he calls over his groomercord buddy to crash the reward car and tries to scam her into having s*x. He ends up prematurely ejaculating because WHO WOULDN'T? The movie then becomes boring as they retract from the main point about the incel and go back to the MC's useless self-inflicted issue about paying off the house. She decides to sell the house and move to California because her friends are moving away too and this makes her start to think if soying over nostalgia is actually productive to her life.

This movie did have it's own fair share of drama (albeit wasn't that big) where the film was accused of normalizing grooming.

Xhe almost has a point, the part where it falls flat though is that I would be happy to be in his position.

During the whole movie, I felt a huge connection with this dude. I suggest giving it a watch if you're ever in need of a laugh/feeling down/feeling romantical.

You can just go into reddit subs and suggest that they’re nazis if they haven’t banned Twitter links and they roll over. I literally have a chudjak pfp and I got r/xxfitness (3 million subscribers) to ban them in 6 minutes with 0 effort.

Horrid website. pic.twitter.com/uird4D37mX

— rDrama.net (@rdramanet) January 29, 2025

It's OVER.

They're still seething

so... you were able to do it in an hour, you're just used to it taking ten to twelve weeks

just 16 hours! give these poor babies some slack

DHS spooks parked at the little TSA booths

Also

>CDC

>entire 70+ member team has been fully remote since 2000

How can blurmpf expect elite government functionaries to work in these compliant but outdated spaces

>do not comply

>stay and do our jobs

If they're so critical, why are "data calls" needed to determine who and where the frick your employees are

/u/el-corneador don't let the door hit your culo on the way out esé

We banned their app, now they hate us

Bonus content

https://old.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver40/comments/1i7v7g3/what_are_we_going_to_do_about_this/

>women over 40

>plan b

https://old.reddit.com/r/somethingiswrong2024/comments/1i7vhdw/what_groups_will_this_affect_and_what_do_you/

Last but not least, the smartest pooner:

https://old.reddit.com/r/transplace/comments/1i7v2e7/what_does_the_executive_order_about_trans_people/

>Ok, do you know about changing the f to a m tho? If that's still ok

"no"

>That's gonna suckkkk

So masculine

Important poll !chuds !nooticers