If you're really not an abuser then why do you have a problem with her putting together an abuser escape bag hmm sweaty

Just got back from a happy hour date that I cut short because the woman showed up and was noticeably larger than she was in the photos.

Half way through the first beer I told her I don't think this is going to work and we should probably end it early and she was taken back as to how fast I ended it

She asked why and I told her she doesn't look the same as she did in her pics

She got super pissed and called me shallow.

She tried to make me feel bad because she drove 20 miles to meet me,

I let her know that if she would've been honest about her current body size either via text or new photos, we wouldn't even have met in the first place.

This proceeded to make her even more upset

It's absolutely a ridiculous thing to do.

And when I got home I googled her since I had learned more about her, her main profile pic was from 2016… like cmon

Women, why do you do this?

Do you think men won't notice?

Do you think we'll look past it?

I'm genuinely curious

Original Post recovered with rareddit Nov 27, 2023

Throwaway, even though I'm absolutely certain my husband would figure out it's about us if he ever came across this post.

Also, before I get started, I am NOT interested in leaving my marriage. Our relationship is otherwise loving, respectful, kind, and balanced.

Now to the story:

This turned into a lonnnnnng diary-like post. My apologies for the length.

Me, F35. Him, M37. Married 16 years.

We had a threesome. Two, actually, with the same person. I set it up. It's always been a fantasy of his, and although I was on the fence, there were things I wanted to explore, too. We lost our virginity to each other, so our outside experience was very limited

I went on my first "solo" vacation earlier this year. I don't know if it was the whole "absence make the heart grow fonder" or what, but my husband and I were like horny teenagers again when I got back. That's when the whole threesome thing really took off.

I set up the dating apps. I wrote what we were looking for. I initiated all conversations. Once I confirmed our match was 100% on board, he joined the chat. He let me lead, because in his words, he was happy either way. I've always been bi-curious, and he's fantasized about threesomes. Seemed like the only way to flesh it out.

We met a few women in person. Our approach was conservative: talk, go on a date, go from there. Everyone was great about discussing boundaries, and I felt safe. We chose one woman, because I didn't want to manage multiple "external" partners.

The first encounter was great, mostly for them. There was equal attention between all parties, but I was extremely nervous and uncomfortable. Nothing felt enjoyable to me, but they both came, and my husband and I went home. He was very affectionate and encouraging. I chalked my discomfort up to first time jitters.

The second encounter was two rounds.

The initial date was amazing. Dinner, sightseeing, drinks, great conversation. I legitimately like her.

Round one: I was more open. But still nervous. I realized then that I wanted to experience a woman on my own, not with an audience (my husband). I felt awkward and inexperienced and embarrassed. They again got along well. Great chemistry. He finished in me, and she and I took a shower together. If the night had stopped here, everything would have been fine.

Round two is what broke me. It was late. We were all staying in the hotel this time. The three of us, in a king size bed. I didn't want to sleep next to her, so my husband was in the middle. At some point, when I was mostly asleep, I could tell they were messing around, just the two of them. I FROZE. This was a boundary that he knew about, but I didn't discuss with her because I trusted him. ("I don't want to wake up to you two messing around.") He asked my "permission" to have s*x with her. I should have said anything other than "sure", but I was legitimately frozen. I don't know how else to describe it. Couldn't move, couldn't speak. Paralyzed by something - I still don't know what. I was lying on my stomach at the edge of the bed while they fricked. I could see their shadows on the wall. I heard everything. She said I was a lucky woman as she came a third time (something I've never been able to do). He finished.

It made me sick. Right there. I finally got my senses back and ran to the bathroom and was sick. She offered to leave (I'm sure it was awkward), but I asked her to stay. We gave her a ride home in the morning. Hugged goodbye. On the ride back home, my husband and I talked. He made a comment about how the second round was good for his ego - he's lucky if I come at all, let alone multiple times.

I SOBBED for hours after we got home. I don't know why it hurt so much. My husband was gentle and kind to me after. Apologized repeatedly for violating the boundary, and for the "ego" comment. It broke me deeply, but I felt there was nothing to forgive. I set myself up for this.

She ended things a couple weeks later. She said I wasn't ready, and she's right.

It's been about four months since the incident I call "Round 2". I canNOT let it go. How can I measure up to that? How can he be satisfied with me anymore?

He has reassured me whenever I've brought it up. Which was only a couple times, because I don't want to burden him with this. It messed me up to the point where I have almost no s*x drive, and I'm numb when he's inside me. I miss our s*x life...

How do I move on from this experience?

TLDR: we had a threesome, that was more like a twosome, and I can't get over the hurt.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION FROM OOP

Comment Here

Last night:

More of the same. He does seem genuinely remorseful. He apologized again, but doesn't know how to make it right. I'm not entirely sure, either. I did say he needs to seek me out more. A lot of the affection in our relationship is one-sided: I seek him for hugs, handholding, quality time, etc. He reciprocates, but rarely initiates.

What I'd really like to hear is, "I cheated". I want him to own it full-on. I gave him about 15min to read the post and top comments, and asked if he noticed a theme. Crazy how it took a boatload of internet strangers to help confirm what I knew, but couldn't admit. But I still don't think he grasps the gravity of it.

Today is a little different. This was all over text.

He threw the shower thing back in my face, even though there are texts well beforehand saying he was ok with she and I having some alone time, as long as he was in the room. And he also watched.

He also reminded me that I said "ok" when he asked permission. I saw red and sent a barrage of angry messages. No name-calling. Just a lot of f-bombs about violated boundaries, lack of awareness, and overall selfishness. He hasn't replied yet.

I'm not innocent in this. I really, truly acknowledge that.And like I said, if we had ended the evening after Round 1 and the shower, I'd still be completely interested on more threesomes. But I saw the side of him that couldn't give two shits about me when he has something to gain, all while I'm in an incredibly vulnerable place - a place where he should encourage, protect, and advocate. So heck no, not giving him that opportunity again.

I know my marriage will never be the same. Maybe in the long run, that's a good thing.

Update Dec 10, 2023

I deleted my original post, but I'm sure it lives on somewhere...

Long story short, I came to Reddit two weeks ago to hash out some feelings I had following our second FFM threesome (July 2023). My husband broke a boundary by having a "twosome" with the other woman that started while I was sleeping. It felt like infidelity right in front of my face.

Thousands of people reacted to the post, most stating that his actions were cheating. Another large portion believed I gave consent, because my husband asked my "permission" and I froze and did not say "no". Many people called me stupid. I can understand all perspectives.

I agree, it was cheating. You don't ask to change a boundary in the act of breaking it. He understands that now - hindsight is 20/20. While I disagree with him believing he had consent, I forgive him. He has since genuinely apologized and is remorseful. I agree that a threesome was stupid for us to do, and that none of us three was ready for a threesome. I lack a spine, and they lack impulse control.

In my original post, I said our marriage was otherwise good. I really truly mean that. We are not perfect, but our relationship was respectful, kind, loving, and balanced. We discussed a threesome for months, going over feelings and potential negative outcomes, but felt the benefit outweighed the risk. Stupid, I know. Again, hindsight is 20/20.

I spoke with a marriage counselor. I explained how I feel traumatized, how my body doesn't respond to my husband since that night, and how I desperately want to stay and leave at the same time. I started looking at apartments and embraced the thought of having space to heal, but my heart was breaking, too.

In a nutshell, the counselor said leaving is the easy thing to do. She didn't blame me for wanting to walk away. The pain is real and living like this is hard. The harder thing would be to stay and work to repair the damage, and rebuild the trust that we had for so many years.

I am going to lose a TON of karma for saying this.... but I choose to stay and rebuild. My marriage is worth saving, and my opinion matters more than the words of strangers. I will continue individual therapy, and we will see a marriage counselor.

And no more threesomes. What a sh*tshow.

TLDR. I'm staying.

I have a detachable shower head and I used it to clean my vulva. Not only did it clean my vulva, but I think the shower spray gave me an orgasm. I never had an orgasm before, but I think I had one. I then switched from the standard mode to the jet mode, and it was intense like an electric shock going through my body.

I take Zoloft, and it was still intense. The shower orgasm would probably be even better for those who aren't on a medication like Zoloft.

From her post history:

Forever Alone Women are the real third class citizens

Is INTJ really a high valued personality type?

I think I might be bisexual

Actual lonely women get ignore in comments section on a post on lonely women

Animal House is a Sexist Movie

Why is Ok to Judge S*x Repulsed Asexuals.

Women in relationship judge FA women, but expect sympathy and support in return

Women are insulted for just existing

!foidmoment

Imagine spending $2k to go on a cruise and having to lock up your room like you’re in the Last of Us pic.twitter.com/TLptm4I4pJ

— Asscela Express (@biz_socks) December 25, 2023

!foidmoment

Imagine spending $2k to go on a cruise and having to lock up your room like you're in the Last of Us

Clearly this is just a predatory male feminist who is pretending to be gay to get women to let their guard down

Women doing this is the same as guys surveying the entries and exits to a room, or strategizing what they'd do if someone opened fire

It's a little weird but not unhealthy. We're all still programmed for Neolithic life — being stalked by big predators in the night

RETVRN neighbors are so cringe

True crime-obsessed women will do anything except buy a gun

Women will really do anything but buy a gun

I wonder why people on cruises are having to lock their shit up this badly in 2023?

White women live in a universe in which you're never more than a few moments away from being trafficked if you let your guard down for even a second

This is like locking up a Funko Pop in Fort Knox.

This isint about safety, its about wanting be feel scared. God i hate women

Lemme go ahead and add myself to this 👠🌟 https://t.co/KdH7abgLoR pic.twitter.com/tAPJMDJzWB

— 🎰 (@20reaasons) December 22, 2023

Why do prostitutes always look rough?? I've never seen a put together one.. and men really be paying to have s*x w them

THERES levels

Go frick 15 neighbors in one day and see how put together you look 😂

Bc they're being traffick3d and all their money is being taken by a man that needs to be in prison

Goddess Vicki 🧚🏽‍♀️✨: no shoots / no bookings / Afro-indigenous 🇵🇷 @ isimp4vicki #blm #FreePalenstine🇵🇸#FreeCongo🇨🇩

My mom told me kitty don't got a face

Nothing rough about me

iSquirt On Fans 💦

10k likes… i wish nothing but a painful death for all of u soulless individuals who dehumanize women forced into selling their bodies due to poverty and discrimination

They're victims of s*x trafficking, you fricking moron😑

what happened to S*X WORK IS WORK

you're literally in your 30s and you can't connect the dots as to why they “LoOk RoUgH🤪” maybe bc their job/life is rough you stupid pig.

It's always bitches who have nooo idea what they're talking about because they've never stepped foot in that lifestyle or industry that are ready to show their ignorance and put other people down

this dumb b-word has never even been a whore

Lemme go ahead and add myself to this 👠🌟

I mean you still look a mess but your face pretty so hey

????

Girl I called you pretty I'm saying you look a mess on the street like that😂

And you look a mess just in general so where are we going with this 😂

No offense but at the end of the day you're a prostitute. You suck peepee for money. Heck this chick could get you to lick her kitty for the right price even after all of this back and forth

Why we shaming her tho?????

Cuz she whoring on the corner for money and is posting about it

!foidmoment

Or more recently, the “incident” that made me want to write this post happened Last Thursday. My husband and I often watch a movie together on Sunday nights after our daughter goes to bed. But sometimes we change it up to do movie on Friday or Saturday, or skip it once in a while if one of us has something else they need to do.

So he asks me “are we still gonna watch a movie this weekend?” I tell him I don't know (because it's late in the evening, end of the week, and I'm just tired. I wanted to just see what happens and what we feel like). He says “well what day do you want to watch a movie?” Again, I tell him I don't know. He asks me another question “what movie do you want to watch?” (Which is actually a double question of what movie I want to watch and what to have for dinner because we usually make a dinner themed with the movie).

So I snap at him that I don't know, I just want to wait and see what I feel like this weekend, and I'm tired of making all the darn plans. He says “what? Are you kidding me? You are the queen of needing a plan for everything.” So I just said “ok descisions then, I'm tired of making decisions.” He just said “whatever” and that was the end of it (for now).

Do any other women relate? I don't even know exactly what I'm trying to describe. I just hate how even the best of men all seem to be like this.

STOP ASKING ME WHAT I WANT, THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING

it's so hard to be a woman why are moids like this

My ex would casually state that x or y needed to be done and expect that I would do it. Finally one day I said "feel free to do it yourself' and he lost his mind.

I can't wrap my head around the entitlement most men have when they have a female partner.

imagine asking your partner to do something. the entitlement of moids truly knows no bounds

For our son's 2nd birthday party I decided to not do anything and see what happened. Nothing happened. People came and there was no food and no plan. I let him scramble and play host. I stayed in the kitchen and pretended to prepare food. When I told my therapist she said, “don't you think you set him up to fail?” No? Because I did what he would have done. Why is it okay if not expected that he does nothing, but if I do nothing, I'm just a sneaky sneaky b-word? I can't imagine what a wonderful world men must live in where the only expectation of them is to just show up.

117 upvotes btw

Years ago, my STBX and I went on vacation. I made it very clear that I would not be planning any of our excursions. Multiple times. On arrival at our hotel, from the shower, he yells, "So, what's our plan for today?" That was not the only vacation that started with an argument.

so, what do you want to do?

I WANT A FRICKING DIVORCE

It won't be to everyone's liking, but please read our new @washingtonpost editorial on how ideological polarization is creating a marriage crisis among young Americans.

A decline in marriage is something we should all be concerned about. Here's why.https://t.co/3X93oucJfl pic.twitter.com/sOzUmxSBEM

— Shadi Hamid (@shadihamid) November 22, 2023

!foidmoment

!thotpatrollers

https://old.reddit.com/r/redscarepod/comments/182zfnz/one_of_the_worst_things_about_being_a_woman?sort=controversial

pic.twitter.com/lt8QgBjmF1

— Kruber (@RabbiGoyberg) October 27, 2023

Why would she post this? pic.twitter.com/G6wFM7E0sy

— 🌴 Josh Lekach 🌴 (@JoshLekach) November 9, 2023

R-slurred foid @FrozenChosen has finally blocked me after my brutal assault of words.

Yes, this happened 6 days ago but I've been busy IRL doing shit and also on-line laughing at Aussies on the referendum.

Let's do a deep dive on what I actually said to her that made her tap out.

Offense 1: Calling Out Her Non-Drama

@FrozenChosen made a post here titled "Read this post to instantly feel better about your life." It was a drama-free post but fairly amusing and entertaining, it's just a loser (even by Reddit standards) telling everyone what a loser he is. Good times.

But in this exchange, the demented hole seems to think that it is actually dramatic:

Actually feel bad for the foid, med school is a b-word especially in the US and it sounds like she was pushed through her childhood by her parents or something which probably set her up to fail from the start. She could have saved lives and helped society and now she is a drain on it. Truly sad.

I honest bet she's like bipolar or smth, something really hard to cope with. I do feel bad for her. Still dramatic tho

dramatic, there's literally no drama here

"Dramatic, there's literally no drama here." That's a bridge too far my friends.

Strike 1.

Offense 2: Calling Out Her Stupidity

In a post about why men (males) are invading women's (male) spaces, she opines that she's not like other girls and that men just need a place to get away from women, like men's-only country clubs. Except, that's not the argument about why men's-only country clubs shouldn't exist. I'd call it a simplification of the facts, but it's more like an r-sluration of the facts. Let's look at the exchange.

Omg it was a big scandal at this super fancy golf club where I grew up. They were forced to admit women/let women play. I'm a feminist/equalist but darn just let the men escape their wives for an afternoon.

Like usual, you don't fully understand the situation because you have 4 holes with your brain being the bonus hole. The argument about the country clubs specifically is that many business meetings and deals are made in exclusionary clubs and that this put women at a disadvantage in the business world. This may or may not change your opinion (it doesn't for me) but it's a lot more complicated than "hurr durr getting away from nagging front holes"

Strike 2.

And that's it my friends. I'm out with 2 strikes, the overly-sensitive clitoris with a bonus hole for a brain blocked me for my insanely brutal bants.

!foidmoment

A few nights ago I initiated s*x with my bf while he was on the game. We've been having issues because he's been spending a significant amount of time gaming instead of being with me. I've complained to him about it. On that night he “forgot” to turn his mic off and his friends heard us having s*x. I wouldn't have known if I didn't hear his friend jokingly saying something I said, and then looked at me with the “oh shit” look. It was so casual that it now haunts me what they said or did behind my back.

I'm having a hard time categorizing exactly what happened, it feels like sexual assault but I don't think it's right to say that.

And yeah, I let my bf have it. He's been trying to kiss my butt lately but I don't even want to look at him. Which is hard because we live together. He's been apologizing and swearing it was an accident. I don't think so because he was acting different and being really aggressive, at the time it turned me on but now looking back I feel so violated

Trust your gut. He knew. Now he's assaulted you and lied to you.

He didn't initiate the activity. So it couldn't have been that premeditated.

Doesn't matter. It's premeditated the moment he knows the mic is still on and does nothing. Also his extra masculine “aggressive” performance showing off for his little friends.

That's not how premeditation works. He could have been planning it for a while, not that one specific day. Premeditation can also be a quick decision, it means it was an intentional decision. It doesn't really matter if it was a short term or long decision anyways, it's still fricked up.

He knew. It is SA. He and his friends are trash.

Trust your instincts. It wasn't SA, but if he did it really to brag to his friends, he is an butthole...

She didn't consent to being listened to, so yes, it was sexual assault.

This is SA.

Correct - it may not be something legally recognised in all places, but ethically? She was violated, especially she FEELS violated

exactly. she never agreed tro have s*x with i don,t know how many bystanders. it,s disgusting and absolutely vile, and she was violated. also OP if you decide to leave him - and i really hope you do -, this is the kind of man that will do revenge porn. i,d suggest you try to delete every thing you have ever shared with him of a sexual nature, before doing so. he,s getting off on parading your sexual intimity to his friends and completely violating your boundaries and what,s suppposed to stay private. he will definitely do it especially if he,s angry at you for leaving him. he does not respect you. i also would not be surprised if he had taken digital material unbeknowst to you while you two were intimate together.

If he has her nudes, the friends have seen all of them already.

In general, men who play video games a lot do not make good partners.

I can forgive a thousand times. I will only trust once.

This is powerful!

Beautifully said

That's really well said and I agree.

I don't think the truth matters in this case I believe you when you say it seemed intentional and that does sound like sexual assault as he didn't get consent to do what he did...

A form of slut shaming, public humiliation and virility flexing.

"Listen to my thirsty b-word girlfriend. Interrupting me and my gaming time. I'll show her. Look how much she likes my peepee guys".

Men bond over how much they hate women.

I think he's kissing your butt not because he's sorry but because losing his in-house misogyny sponge would make him lose status in the eyes of his bros.

So fricking weird how they all kept listening to HIM having s*x. And he was putting on a show for them. They've obviously been reminiscing about that night and repeating what you said. It's a running joke between them all now.

Seems like his priorities are himself, his bros, gaming, then a very distant last priority is you. And he doesn't love you. What he did/does isn't a loving relationship.

I agree with everything you said except that I have never in my life been around any group of men who "bond over how much they hate women."...

This isn't a "not all guys" response...

Edit- I think, in a roundabout way, this is actually a "not all guys" response after reading the response to it. Sorry for the misrepresentation.

I hope you realize that all men hate women.

!foidmoment

Oh boy, another thread about body count

Just don't mislead him if he asks just be truthful.

He's never asked but I've told him that it's a lot more than his

Is he aware of the threesomes?

Yup

Check your misogyny omg. He doesn't owe him details on her sexual past wtf, apart from STI status everything else is irrelevant

You truly found a unicorn, you better hold on to him and treat him good because 90% of guys would have an issue with that.

In my experience 90% is way overshooting. I'd say more 20% of guys would have an issue and the rest won't care. You have to realize that the real world isn't Reddit or the comment section of a Fresh & Fit video. Most people have more important things they care about in a relationship and in life.

the western world. Almost anywhere else, it's a big deal

Right now, yeah. But the whole world is becoming more modern as we speak.

least delusional foid

Never in my real life has this come up, but it the idea that people care about this sort of thing seems to live on Reddit

I guess he's not insecure because he knows he's good

Not every guy is Adam 22. Don't think it can be chalked up to being secure/ insecure. If a man has a problem with how much you slept around it's probably because you're more or less a ho. And not some “small peepee energy” of being insecure

this exchange caused someone to post it on /r/NotHowGirlsWork

link

Just unsubbed. Why is it I've never actually met any of these supposed men who hold body count in such esteem? Perhaps I'm just mad because if she's a 'ho' for 20 people (her pure chaste Chad knight has only slept with 2 including her) then I'm a whoreasaurus rex lol

>if she's a 'ho' for 20 people then I'm a whoreasaurus rex lol

what an unbelievable twist

I almost wish I was looking to date again so I could ask a guy his "body count" and then act repulsed when it's above 10 or so 🤣

In the name of a friend being "slut shamed", I went on a date with the man who shamed her. He said he "picked me because I was more chase". I worked "So what's your number" into the conversation. He started to brag about experience, how his number is huge because he likes to "teach girls". I made a big dramatic scene out of dry heaving and saying "that's so disgusting!". He was absolutely stunned in shock.

I turned to a table with some older women and said "He said he slept with so many girls and most of them were virgins!" The oldest lady called him a "Babylon whore", lectured him on being away from God and shaming his family with his promiscuity and low morals. He looked like he was having an out of body experience from shock and disbelief.

For once it wasn't a woman. Sweet justice.😄

funny, but i doubt it actually happened

My husband has never asked for an exact number because he doesn't care. He knows it's “a lot” and he knows that it doesn't affect a. the size of my vag and/or labia, b. my ability to be faithful, or c. my DNA.

Bingo! Majority of us don't care and know it doesn't really affect anything.

woah, ladies one at a time

Of course OOP's comment relating to not being misogynistic on a thread in a mainstream subreddit gets downvoted

because why wouldn't it

>not the hecking reddit karma

I've met some of them and trust me, you don't want them.

I'm in my late 30s and polyamorous but sexually inexperienced when it comes to number of partners. And sometimes that comes up with some dude I'm talking to and some of them... Their interest increases so much it's disgusting. Like, they see me as having higher "value" and they see their own chance to potentially "lower" that "value" by a lot since there is still "so much left".

Absolutely vomit inducing. Sadly, though, I might not ever have noticed if I hadn't given them reason to drool like that, because they sure as heck wouldn't have turned me down no matter that pointless number. They just wouldn't respect me, in either case, because men like that don't respect women or even see us as fully human.

stopped reading at polyamorous

I'm asexual, s*x averse, and polyamorous. Should I ever meet guys like this I think I'll just lie and say I've slept with 50 guys instead of the truth, which is more like 3 people, zero if we are only counting PIV.

>I'm asexual, s*x averse, and polyamorous

what?

Today at the YMCA I finally had enough. This is the 5th time I have had an uncomfortable situation with a man, in which no action was taken in my defense.

Some man with his 2 little boys was leering at me, making kissy faces at me while I was trying to do down dog so I moved to another side of the room and he moved chairs to keep staring. In front of his children

The next incident involved a very flamboyant man doing dead lifts with see through shorts that left NOTHING to the imagination. Reminder that this is a family gym and there were high schoolers looking and laughing at him. Management was informed and no action was taken.

yikes, cool it with the homophobic remarks sweaty

The 3rd incident involves an unsupervised child knocking over my water bottle and spilling water all over my phone but I felt like I would just be considered a b-word if I spoke up

The 4th happened on Monday when a teenager that's a full foot taller and at least 80 pounds heavier shoulder checked me in the hallway! Like, so hard that I hit the wall

As I exit, these two older grandpa looking men seem to coming in so I try to hold the door to be polite. They wave to me that they are staying outside and I move on

one of the grandpas is now pushing the other sled RIGHT NEXT TO MINE even though there's no one else on the patio and lots of open space.

half way through my last run (I'm pulling 100 lbs and walking backwards) I RUN INTO THIS GRANDPA BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON HE'S RIGHT BEHIND ME.

I freak out because I'm startled and I hit my Achilles tendon on his fricking sled so I tell him to watch out. He just like laughs at me? Smiles or something? So I finish my run and go inside to tell management that he's being unsafe

When I get outside I hear the same person I'd reported to MAKING FUN OF ME to 2 teenagers.

he had the audacity to tell me I was in the wrong because the old man is disabled

What do you think? Was I being dramatic?

yes

Y'know, if you're prepared to quit anyway, I'd keep going until someone was a creep again. And then, just fricking unload on him, both barrels. Verbally, of course. It will be cathartic for you and hopefully humiliating for him. What are they gonna do, kick you out?

Bro you go to the YMCA for the gym? Mistake number 1😮😮😮 always a fricking mistake.

It is never someone's mistake for being harassed or assaulted. Your comment has victim blaming all over it. We should not be accepting that we should just avoid certain public places because they are poorly run. Yes of course we should take our business elsewhere and report it, but what I mean is it should not be acceptable behaviour ANYWHERE.

victim blaming??!?

The Y is a christian organization, hence the misogyny. Good luck.

The YMCA is an evangelical Christian organisation, I don't want to be negative but it'll be full of small minded patriarchal attitudes. I worked for them 20ish years ago and remember the homophobic comments from one of the directors. You're better to give your cash and patronage to somewhere without this background.

the Y is a Christo-fascist organization

I don't like that you said “flamboyant man” to describe the man.

While most people look at the Y as a gym, look at its name. It is the Young Men's Christian Association. It is theoretically religious in nature. If they feel it is their religious right to discriminate or disregard women, then they can legally do so. I'm not defending them. Just pointing out their buttholery. There is something telling when you look at their mission statement as opposed to the one for the YWCA. Unless you find something specifically in the rules for the YMCA which states their behavior towards you was against those rules, you are screwed. As for the YWCA, their mission statement specifically states that women have the right to be safe and chose the direction of their lives. I didn't see anything like that for the men's.

I've never had as many awful experiences at a gym as I have at the Y, I don't know what it is about that place. The absolute worst was the time I caught a guy masturbating while watching me work out.

That is sexual assault!

All of these are male aggression, even if they are smiling and talking softly, and whatever they spin it as: "just being friendly", "paying a compliment", and the stinking "men can't help it", etc. This is not even about you personally or their sexual gratification. It's about power and misogyny. They see a woman and immediately decide to play their sick dominance game because they think they are entitled to do so to any woman. They want to make you uncomfortable and feed on your nervousness and internal struggles. Don't ever let them make you doubt yourself and your demand

Just yesterday in some gym-related post I've seen a ton of gaslighting comments about how women exaggerate gym creeps problem and how no one cares about you in the gym (unless you're wearing 'attention seeking' clothes, then apparently everybody is allowed to stare and harass you). Bullshit.

Why are men so unwilling to even entertain the idea that they might be in the wrong??

Be sure to give them negative reviews on Google Maps, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

I just went to a steam room at the Y which is coed. Older dude kept trying to talk to me. I gave a couple short responses and eventually left to wait for my bf to come in with me since I just didn't want to deal with it. When I came back (my bf was on his way) dude kept talking to me asking crazy shit “are you in high school?” “Which Y do you go to?” WTF I couldn't believe it. This is out of pocket or is it just me?

Co-ed steam room? I don't think those exist, she probably just ran into a

Left chin visible so you'd know it was me. I look terrible in all the photos but idc.

It was literally some of the most fun I've ever had in my life. The 60 second drop before they pull the parachute feels like you're going to die. My brain has never had that much dopamine before. Might go again next weekend if there are any time slots, was that fun. I highly recommend.

we dated for 3 months after

and incels can't get a date

"Shakira Flabbergasted" called 911 on her partner to "scare" him because he was "being a douchebag". She disconnected the call before providing and police traced the cell phone ping and they located her to ensure she was okay.

When she finally answered the door she said everything's ok and that she has to go to work and doesn't have time for police investigation. Police want too ensure her safety and continue to investigate. She starts flipping out. All of sudden, her partner aggressively rips open door and appears ready to battle the 3-4 officers, and demands they let her go. Police tase him and Shakira is freaking out, and is immediately brought to the squad car where she continues to be unruly and upset because her child was also in apartment. She is upset because she's going to be late for work and will lose her job, and her partner is currently unemployed so they won't be able to pay her bills. Admits to calling 911 as scare tactic. Meanwhile in the apartment, her partner is calm and polite and gets his taser wounds treated.

Full video where you can hear that her name apparently really is "Shakira Flabbergasted." Also is that a My Little Pony tattoo?

News segment

More reddit reactions

https://old.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/14zj6hu/how_to_ruin_your_career/?sort=controversial

https://old.reddit.com/r/news/comments/14y79kk/cosmetic_surgeon_who_streamed_procedures_on/?sort=controversial

https://old.reddit.com/r/ThatsInsane/comments/153fawt/tiktokfamous_plastic_surgeon_katharine_grawe/?sort=controversial

https://old.reddit.com/r/medicalschool/comments/14yes9d/cosmetic_surgeon_who_streamed_procedures_on/?sort=controversial

https://old.reddit.com/r/tiktokgossip/comments/14zlbdg/dr_roxy_permanently_banned_from_practicing_in_ohio/?sort=controversial

Ohio Plastic Surgeon Loses Medical License After TikTok Livestreams

The State Medical Board of Ohio voted on Wednesday to revoke Katharine Roxanne Grawe’s medical license after she broadcast some patients’ procedures.

An Ohio plastic surgeon lost her medical license on Wednesday after the state medical board investigated her for livestreaming operations on TikTok and surgical complications reported by patients.

The State Medical Board of Ohio voted at a hearing on Wednesday to permanently revoke Dr. Katharine Roxanne Grawe’s medical license and to fine her $4,500 “based on her failure to meet standard of care.”

At the hearing, doctors on the board said that Dr. Grawe, known online as “Dr. Roxy,” had previously been cautioned about protecting patient privacy on social media. They also spoke about her treatment of three unnamed patients who had reported complications from procedures, including one whose surgery Dr. Grawe had broadcast a part of on social media.

Dr. Jonathan B. Feibel, vice president of the medical board, recommended that Dr. Grawe’s license be revoked because of the “life altering, reckless treatment” provided to those patients.

“These outcomes were not normal complications like those that exist in the routine practice of medicine, but were rather caused by recklessness and disregard for the rules governing the practice of medicine in Ohio,” he said.

He said Dr. Grawe’s social media presence “amplified her reckless behavior” and accused her of using it to grow her brand, not to educate.

Dr. Grawe has not been allowed to practice medicine since the medical board suspended her license on Nov. 18, according to The Columbus Dispatch. The board said at the time that her continued practice presented “a danger of immediate and serious harm to the public.”

Dr. Grawe addressed the medical board at the hearing before the vote. She said she had reflected on the board’s critiques over the past year and saw how she had “fallen below the board’s ideal in multiple ways.”

She added that she made social media videos because she loved teaching and wanted to explain cosmetic surgery to people outside of the medical field. “But, as I stand here today, I see how many of those videos appeared silly and unprofessional,” she said.

She said that her husband had left her because of the stress from the situation, her children had been harassed at school because of the media attention and she had to fire 20 employees at her clinic, Roxy Plastic Surgery in Powell, a city north of Columbus.

Dr. Grawe’s TikTok account is now private and it is not clear how many followers she had when it was public. On Instagram, she still has more than 100,000 followers.

Dr. Grawe has 15 days after the board’s order is mailed to appeal the decision, said Jerica Stewart, a spokeswoman for the medical board. A call to Dr. Grawe’s lawyer on Wednesday was not immediately returned.

Many of the medical board’s concerns were outlined in a suspension notice sent to Dr. Grawe in November.

The board said it had cautioned Dr. Grawe about the need to maintain patient privacy on social media in letters sent in October 2018 and September 2021. In the second letter, the board secretary recommended Dr. Grawe take remedial education courses about plastic surgery and “professionalism/ethics.”

Dr. Grawe gave the board documents that showed she had completed remedial classes, including “ethical social media” in December 2021, the board said, but she continued to record video and live broadcast medical procedures through Oct. 14, 2022.

These videos included patient interviews and photos before operations, livestreams of procedures and photos taken in the operating room after surgery. During some videos, Dr. Grawe responded to viewers’ online questions “while the surgical procedure remains actively ongoing,” the board said.

At least three patients, who were not named, had experienced complications after seeing Dr. Grawe for cosmetic surgery, and their issues were outlined in the suspension notice.

One patient, according to the board’s notice, received a Brazilian Butt Lift, tummy tuck and liposuction from Dr. Grawe in July 2020. The patient saw Dr. Grawe again in March 2022 for more cosmetic procedures, and Dr. Grawe looked at and spoke to a camera while engaged in liposuction on the patient’s abdomen, the board said.

A few days after the surgery, the patient was hospitalized and found to have a perforated small bowel and a soft tissue infection.

In December 2020, Dr. Grawe provided several cosmetic procedures to another patient under anesthesia, including liposuction and a Brazilian Butt Lift. The next day, the patient went to the emergency room because she was experiencing severe abdominal pain and cramping and had to have several surgeries on her stomach.

Dr. Grawe saw the third patient in December 2021 for a breast augmentation. A few days later, the patient reported nausea and bleeding from her breast and was treated at the clinic. After, the patient reported pain, malaise and nausea. A nurse practitioner then treated her at the clinic, but the patient had to be hospitalized for a faster than normal heart rate. At the hospital, she was found to have an infection that required treatment and the removal of her breast implants.

Mary Jenkins, another former patient, won a lawsuit against Dr. Grawe in 2016 for complications from breast reconstruction surgery, according to The Columbus Dispatch.