When you goon you're performing a political act and the way you coom says a lot about you, your values, and your place in a shared community. We need to take your views and considerations into account when designing a equitable future for our children. However, when it's time for COOM. There's no need for any of that. You don't even need clothes. Just bring your hands.

For centuries we've had debates on how to handle the powers of COOM. Some cultures let GOONERs run free, as you see with the Sentinelese. They live the perfect life for gooners. NAKED all day long. Boobas on display. No work, no insurance, no renewing medical aid schemes, no Alexander Forbes foundation, just coom. Other cultures have tried to hold back gooners, eventually these became traditions like marriage and with that, r*pe became illegal which changed the game for gooners forever. That began the evolutionary arms race between GOONERS and FEDS. And if that's not bad enough, you've got to worry about OPPs trying to take your GOONING customers from you bruh. You can't learn the coom hustle in school you've got to live this shit aint no textbooks on gooning like we goon in this b-word.

Nah but Imma keep it 100% wichu this site good ya'll lil bros doing ya'lls thang just don't get too big for your boots. And remember to pay respects to the fallen soldiers in prison, dead, we've lost a lot of good brothers to this goon shit for real. We need unity. Aight imma light this blunt and goon hard. Shit's good as frick yo. Can't stop gooning. How much do you goon?

Now lastly, you gotta remember we categorize our gooners as either: organized, disorganized and mixed. My organized gooners got COOM calenders and sheeit. they're all about that OPSEC because they're paranoid about the feds. Me? I'm a DISORGANIZED coomer. If I meet with the feds I'm gooning it out and until then, I'm gonna EJACULATE BLOOD WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

Stay cumming for real. And PIRATE your PORN DON'T PAY NOT ONE DIME SHARE THAT SHIT NEIGHBOR

https://www.reuters.com/business/aerospace-defense/us-readies-new-1-bln-arms-sale-israel-wsj-reports-2025-02-03/

700m of bombs and 30m of armored bulldozers made by Caterpillar

A Portland Antifa member sprayed "NAZI" on a Tesla. The car is owned by Timothy H. Tees, a wealthy Portland liberal who hates President Trump and @elonmusk. He says he would go protest with the Antifa militant who vandalized his car and says the money he spent cleaning the spray… pic.twitter.com/3l2asTyiwG

— Andy Ngo (@MrAndyNgo) February 17, 2025

!chuds !nooticers

This guy always comes up in my recommend videos after I click on political comedy stuff, and I think he is just totally insane. Vid related, like just look at this guys face its like he is on the verge of tears in every video, and his voice sounds like he is about to cry. He just has this totally desperate and unhinged look in his eyes.

Anyways, I still think hes funny because he gets into crazy situations with trumptards but still I wouldn't want to be next to this guy, he seems like he could have a mental breakdown at any second. Total male BPD shit. Also I noticed hes been growing his hair out (which you can see hes got a bit of a mullet in his beanie vids) and painting his nails so I think that he is about to transition.

Also I don't think making fun of rightoids for being volcels is a winning strategy. Some level of sexual repression is sort of necessary to get anything done.

In a bizarre turn of events, a university dormitory in China went up in flames after a student, in a moment of panic, set fire to his s*x doll to keep it hidden from his roommates. The incident took place at Hefei University of Technology in Anhui province on February 10, when the student, fearing exposure, made a rash decision that nearly resulted in disaster.

Top Drama

Relative Drama (takes into account the size of the subreddit)

autodrama: returning jobs to dramneurodivergents. Ping HeyMoon if there are any problems or you have a suggestion

!kino !chuds

If the mod team of /h/manul does not cease their aggression then I will buy as many marseybucks as I need to in order to eliminate their entire hole. I will ban their entire mod team for eternity.. Do not test me.

I will burn manul to the ground and in the ashes I will replace it with @Bridge as their new god.

!friendsofspiderman !attentionmaxxers

Anyways please leave me alone now, I have some emotions within me that need to be rectified.

@soapysoapy

>Shadows is currently on par with that of Assassins Creed Odyssey in terms of its pre-order numbers. "Early previews have been positive, praising its narrative and immersive experience, with both characters playing critical roles in the game's storyline, as well as the quality and complementarity of the gameplay provided by the dual protagonist approach," Guillemot said in the most recent earnings call.

>At the time of writing, Shadows currently has around 300,000 pre-orders, said sources and Odyssey's day one player numbers were between 400-450,000; a gap of around 100-150,000 that needs to be made up in the next four weeks.

It's called nuance

BREAKING: Democrats just elected David Hogg to be the Vice Chair of the DNC.

Hogg is touted as their face of masculinity to help them regain the young male voters they lost in the 2024 election.

I HONESTLY CAN'T BELIEVE IT! pic.twitter.com/MS4bV0fv79

— George (@BehizyTweets) February 2, 2025

OMG. Argentina President Javier Milei just gifted Elon Musk a chainsaw for DOGE🤣 pic.twitter.com/CWZandGxik

— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) February 20, 2025

This person is such a hack. The ONLY people fighting against the “never consider the barriers preventing masking” like mask laws are disabled people— and this very lady was shitting on those disabled activists. Such a piece of shit human being. https://t.co/waySFrP7uf

— Taylor Lorenz (@TaylorLorenz) February 17, 2025

.@zukosmadre is such an evil piece of shit. She lies constantly about Covid, harasses disabled ppl, and promotes her narcissistic, self-centered individualist bullshit about how it’s totally fine for her to kill and disable vulnerable ppl because she wants to go back to brunch!

— Taylor Lorenz (@TaylorLorenz) February 17, 2025

Obscene amounts of sneeding from TayTay.

Jfl if this wasn't a turboleftoid maskmaxxer, I'd probably give her a follow.

I can’t reply to you Taylor but I suggest you learn to read pic.twitter.com/SI98jzpxeO

— Suki’s Mom 🔻 gazafunds.com (@zukosmadre) February 17, 2025

🚨#BREAKING: The Truth

The past few days have been an unrelenting nightmare, marked by an overwhelming barrage of stress, frustration, and exhaustion that has taken a significant toll on my part. A severe and unjust breach of my personal life has occurred, and private… pic.twitter.com/bUa1OGxcnA

— R A W S A L E R T S (@rawsalerts) February 19, 2025

"Furthermore, let me state this as clearly as possible as I have no interest in minors. Period." https://t.co/p3frIhg4uw pic.twitter.com/ydimrHv8ce

— MavLostHisIQ (@MavLostHisIQ) February 19, 2025

Respectfully, if you’re a proud gay man, why did you pretend to have a wife? https://t.co/Cv4uokZGI2 pic.twitter.com/bEKdDMepbm

— TheDoog (@doogle990) February 19, 2025

Who had this on their 2025 bingo card? https://t.co/CoONU1LOEE pic.twitter.com/J84ptCNbGq

— Garbage Human (@GarbageHuman24) February 19, 2025

So... turns out this degenerate is into pup play...

... dude... you can get off this dimension!

🫤 https://t.co/fOLLZe6u2m pic.twitter.com/B8MwnrnGQI

— Joshua Ek (@JoshuaEkOnX) February 19, 2025

Rawsalerts is ALSO into nappies and shit like that!

In an advanced and respectful society, you'd be put down like the sick dog you identify as!

What a degenerate!

🫤 pic.twitter.com/ArrEtlydqu

— Joshua Ek (@JoshuaEkOnX) February 19, 2025

"Imporntant" bro gooning as he wrote this whole statement https://t.co/ng4L3A6GUt

— Cynic (@FreeRoamMode) February 19, 2025

Now THATS how you conservatism in 2025. Uwu

President @realDonaldTrump addresses the drivers before the 2025 Daytona 500. pic.twitter.com/DP9hXWjDpm

— FOX: NASCAR (@NASCARONFOX) February 16, 2025

I was just going to leave the thread blank for two reasons:

1) Since the film is so in love with cutesy little meta-metacommentary it seemed appropriate because

2) I felt absolutely nothing for this movie,

however that's too subtle, so like Cabin in the Woods itself I will now belabor the point long past anyone's ability to care.

I honestly don't even know where to begin with this. It wasn't offensively bad or anything a la Black Swan, it isn't good-bad like Chopping Mall, it's not just plain old serviceable and therefore solid in its decency like The Omen, and it certainly isn't good. And it's like it was written to preemptively shield itself from criticism.

I could call it formulaic. The defense would be that of course it's formulaic, that's the point of the movie haha they even named the generic slasher archetypes at the end, the formulaicism is part of the joke.

I could call it uninspired. The defense would similarly be that of course it's uninspired, there's a Cube-style room of rooms with all the monsters from everything, it's all deliberately derivative and referential.

I could call it not scary. The defense would again similarly be that this is also intentional, look how it's also billed as a comedy. Nevermind that it's not funny either, because it's also billed as a horror.

The plain and simple of it is that it is formulaic, and this goes for the meta-meta narrative as well. Yes the silly organization's point is to enact the contrived ritual that plays out with horror movie tropes because it's supposed to, that's not whats formulaic about it. It can be argued that every beat up to the descent into the facility is formulaic by design, but once they're through that door that excuse falls flat.

The plain and simple of it is that it is uninspired. One of the technicians remarks early on that they're allowed to cheat to make things play out as needed as much as they want. Later we see that security personnel gunning down the sacrifices meets the requirements—there's no reason not to lead with that and just shoot the whore first. Or to bomb the cabin after shooting the whore. Or literally anything else. The overarching narrative cannot be flimsy because the arguably intentionally shitty internal narrative is wink-wink-shitty to allow room for that larger one. The overall story is just there as an excuse to make 8104 different references (HAHA THE WHITEBOARD TALKS ABOUT THE R*PE TREES FROM EVIL DESD LOL) and give 3 second cameos to creatures from other movies. The facility and organization itself is just a Cube Zero knockoff anyway.

The plain and simple of it is that it is neither scary nor funny. There are no stakes even with the apocalypse on the horizon and then actualizing to end the film. Everyone is boring and sucks. Literally Shaggy from scooby doo as the lead can't go any other way. The humor predates it by several years but it all smacks of that atrocious Rian Johnson Star Wars movie with the yo momma joke; it's quip "comedy" without the quips but the exact same degree of unwarranted and omnipresent self-satisfaction.

This is, however, a lot more negativity than Cabin in the Woods strictly deserves. I don't feel any sort of profound loathing for it or anything, it did nothing to elicit any particular emotion that strong. It's a completely unremarkable hour and a half.

For a movie with such an incredibly promising cover and inexplicably golden critic reviews from the beforetimes when critics evaluated things by metrics other than how much gay s*x a film has in it, the only thing I feel in any notable sense is confusion as to how either of these things happened. That and I want to watch Hellraiser because cenobites are great even if they are bootleg and have 30 seconds of screentime in an utterly mid movie.

★★☆☆☆

!kino your thoughts?

cc @LainkeyKong as requested

British tabloid Daily Mail claims to have obtained a leaked peace plan, allegedly proposed by Trump to end the war in Ukraine. The source is allegedly a Ukrainian media outlet Strana:

➡️ A ceasefire will be achieved by Easter, April 20th.

➡️ Ukraine will not be able to join… pic.twitter.com/kr8DIaOhqE

— Sprinter Observer (@SprinterObserve) February 7, 2025

Řеddítоřs must bе nоw uļtřа mаd sínсе 3 wееks аgо thеу сļаímеd nо wау íts řеаļ

Thоsе соmраníеs аřе STАTЕ соmраníеs sо tо gеt роsítíоn thеřе уоu nееd tо bе еnļístеd bу gоv híghеř uрs

Sоmе mоřе řесеnt nеws аbоut thеm

Аnd thаt соmраnу hаs nо mоnеу tо рау suсh sаļаříеs sínсе thеу dереnd оn Řussíа sо nоw thеу bеíng fuļļу sроnsоřеd bу wеstеřd buxx аnd аřе ín řеd sínсе thеу dоnt gеt Řussíаn сhеареř řеsоuřсеs

Thеу аřе buуíng nоn еxístеn gаs thеn sауíng оh nо Řussíаn dеstřоуеd ít

Í wоnt bе suřрřísеd íf thеу рау Řussíаn tо bļоw uр sоmе gаs řеfínеřу tо соvеř thе еvídеnсе

Thаts whу zеļеnskуу dеsрítе Třumр аskеd tо fосus оn реасе tаļk, zеļеnskуу dоеs еvеřуthíng tо břеаk ít