WARNING: EXTREMELY BORING AND PERSONAL BLOGPOST AHEAD, I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU DO NOT READ IT UNLESS YOU'RE A OR MY FRIEND. THANK YOU.

i debated whether or not to make this post but ultimately decided i should lay out my reasons for (attempting) to quit using the site again, if only to get one last good dose of attention, maybe get some finality, and exist as a cautionary tale. this is not a "frick you userbase" post or insistence for the administration to do anything about the sites content or userbase, simply my logic for why i think i personally should stop using it. i would also generally advise other trans people to avoid the site as well but i know plenty of people who do get something out of reading chud shitholes (seriously i see so many ovarit/kf screenshots on tttt reddit its insane).

anyway i have the big depression. i'm not the most suicidal i've ever been and i'm not considering self harm but i would describe my mental state as seriously fricked up bros. this means more bedrotting, more binge eating, more lapses in executive function, more isolation. i've also for the first time in my short 27 year timespan on this earth actually dug more into these feelings and analyzed them, though this has not lead to any great understanding or an "a-ha" moment on my part. at best it's made me relate more to the stereotypical descriptions of depression and dysphoria. i'm not gonna go too deep into that because its embarrassing tbh. in the past i haven't really considered rdrama to be a major factor in this. a contributor to be sure but i always thought i got more out of it than it took for me. maybe that was delusion or maybe i was just better at tanking the damage in the past. maybe i just took enough and longer breaks and i was never cut out for using the site for an extended period of time. idk. here's some conjecture for why i think its particularly bad for me now:

1) half the country despises my existence and while this fact has always been true it hasn't been as relevant. this leads to me being inundated with a double dose of hatred shoved into my face, first when i see the news elsewhere and again when i browse rdrama. and yes i know nothing ever happens and im being hysterical and yadda yadda yadda. nobody can take my HRT away from me, diy exists. nobody (besides immigrants) is going to be put into camps, things will get better it'll just take time. doesn't mean it's not scary. should i be scared boymoding in a red state? probably not but seeing a news article about kim reynolds trying to legally declare me subhuman certainly isn't fricking helping me not be scared.

2) rdrama has just continued to go on a downward spiral? being someone who started using 4chan at age 12 in 2010 and was constantly called out for being a newstrag, i never really bought into "communities degrade over time" rhetoric. mainly because people are always saying shit is getting worse and i was either too dumb to recognize it or part of the problem myself in the past. but anyway. its definitely a thing with rdrama. a lot of users i liked or at least recognized as someone worth my time have been banned or left the site. and the people coming in to replace them are not the best and brightest. its just. i really really don't care if youre a chud. like yes seeing your ignorant opinions about certain topics does tend to make me flare up with angst, but i really try to not take it too seriously and just have a fun time. it just feels like people aren't coming here to have a fun time or shoot the shit about hobbies or do a little casual reddit trolling. it feels like they're coming here to make themselves and everyone around them miserable.

3) i have better social avenues elsewhere. i'm not talking about tttt because i don't think i'll ever feel like i fit in there, but i do have a friend now who i feel like is on a similar wavelength to me. and interacting with that person has made me realize i have so much more me to express than i am capable of doing on rdrama. its a rather dire comparison that has made me realize more and more how fricking stupid i am for putting up with this for so long. i said it the other day, lonely people tend to act deranged, and it turns out having your sole social outlet be a website full of people that hate you is pretty fricking deranged. being surrounded by people that hate me has been my modus operandi for a long time (much longer than i've been on rdrama), and only now am i realizing how fricked up that is. i'm not conceited enough to say i'm finally growing up, but i do think this time is a little bit different. idk we'll see i guess lmao

thats that. i'll respond to comments here but after that im outie 5k, gonna log out everywhere and scramble my password again. i once again do not know how to end this post

!cuteandvalid

defending freedom and not going anywhere.

thank you to everyone who is standing with us. pic.twitter.com/yxaQ6Gvv5P

— Ukraine / Україна (@Ukraine) February 19, 2025

this has haunted me more than anything I've ever read on here

!neolibs

The authorities are investigating the origin of a large object that fell to the ground on the outskirts of one of Poland’s largest cities.

There are suspicions it may be part of a launch vehicle used by @elonmusk's @SpaceX https://t.co/hCxK2M6Xde

— Notes from Poland 🇵🇱 (@notesfrompoland) February 19, 2025

Socks is such a good big sister as a former feral herself, this cannot be easy

!animalposters !cats

SPIDERCHAD ALWAYS HELPED ME WHENEVER I NEEDED

HE IS A JACKED BWC BVLL WHO MET BARDFINN IRL

UNIRONICALLY ONE OF THE BEST USERS ON RDRAMA.NET

I DUNNO WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE CURRENT META DRAMA AROUND HIM BUT HE ALWAYS SEEMED TO BE A COOL AND DOWN TO EARTH DUDE

LEAVE SPIDERMAN ALONE AND STOP HARASSING HIM IMMEDIATELY

!metashit !friendsofspiderman

!coons

Top Drama

Relative Drama (takes into account the size of the subreddit)

autodrama: returning jobs to dramneurodivergents. Ping HeyMoon if there are any problems or you have a suggestion

!codecels !burgers

Like for real nafo presence died by a lot after USAID stoped Jfl

Women smell good pic.twitter.com/TVCFCt2N0F

— Fuentes Updates (@FuentesUpdates) February 20, 2025

First Anna goes off on discount Anna Kasparian (Emma something, the r-slurred host of pod save america or similar podcast, doesn't matter which one they're all the same):

>You're a nepo baby rich b-word, frick you as a staff, record label and as a motherfrickin' crew

I remember Emma telling me, verbatim "I never have to work a day in my life if I don't want to" because of how wealthy her family is. Your mom threw a nice little fundraiser for Sen. Gillibrand in 2019, right? I get why you're so attached to a party that fricked over the working… https://t.co/zbFeRiWkFv

— Ana Kasparian (@AnaKasparian) February 2, 2025

Then some dumbass tried to pin her as jealous of... hasan the r-slurred host of pod save america (all the same, doesn't matter)

At least she’s doing the work… weren’t you also jealous of Hasan..?

— Dieter (@Bukniak) February 2, 2025

Well, surprise, that dude hasan is the nephew (actual nephew, not an nword euphemism) of Anna's long time co-host Chunk Yoghurt and she spills the beans on how he's scared of his viewers and secretly hates them

Hasan is a slave to his audience. I've never seen a man more terrified of the people who watch his streams. I would never be jealous of that. https://t.co/0YfEMSCpMb

— Ana Kasparian (@AnaKasparian) February 2, 2025

I made a joke ONCE about how I'd like to just play video games and make millions and these morons took it literally. I would rather scrub pottys than be Hasan. He's glued to a computer for 8+ hours a day, placating an audience I know for a fact he hates. Maybe don't open up to… https://t.co/XpQmpg1aWI

— Ana Kasparian (@AnaKasparian) February 2, 2025

Hope you enjoyed the post, have a nice day dramatard

Long story short, I met a guy from grindr 10 years older than me. He was the daddy type.

He said he needed the money because he was short on rent. Which wasn't a lot. I was hesitant because I hadn't done it before, but I thought he was also kinda into the fun, but with extra money.

When I came to his place, he looked like he was really struggling. I asked him if he was okay, and he said yes. I gave him a bj and paid him. He really looked like he regretted doing it, being paid for s*x because he had no other choice.

I told him it was just a friendly gift instead, and he didn't have to treat it like a transaction.

I am so guilty. How am I different from a grapist or a mol*ster? I had s*x with someone not from their own will. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy it at all. I feel disgusted.

I texted him if he wanted to just pay me back in the future and treat it separate from our s*x transaction. But he blocked me already.

EDIT: when i said struggling, i meant struggling financially

BREAKING: Donald Trump just said THE ONLY OPTION IS THE 51ST STATE.

Canadians would pay 50% LESS IN TAXES and get FULL U.S. MILITARY PROTECTION.

And where’s JUSTIN TRUDEAU? In PARIS.

HE’S 100% SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.
pic.twitter.com/B0Kisl7KJJ

— Marc Nixon (@MarcNixon24) February 10, 2025

“With the stroke of my pen,” Trump says he can stop companies from manufacturing cars in Canada. And he says he could stop Canada from being a “viable country.” This is how he treats America’s closest ally. This isn’t just bullying, it’s economic terrorism. https://t.co/5SUuR3XDHm

— Gil McGowan (@gilmcgowan) February 10, 2025

Trump: We’re making our country larger, we’re making our country stronger. And in the case of Canada—if this should happen—I don’t know how they can do it without us. Because without the U.S., Canada really doesn’t have a country.

They do almost all of their business with us,… pic.twitter.com/0RN4lyJ5RV

— Acyn (@Acyn) February 10, 2025

Trump: The reason Canada doesn’t pay that much for military is they assume we’ll protect them… That’s not an assumption they can make because why are we protecting another country? pic.twitter.com/UYEnBluKge

— Acyn (@Acyn) February 10, 2025

The complex super-detailed tattoos by Yusuf Kurtkaya

[📹 yusufkurtkaya]pic.twitter.com/ggO3FYAlNN

— Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) February 21, 2025

/u/Gn0slis, ex-Gn0sis, is a Satan worshiping r-slur who both supports Trump and yet is a self proclaimed anarchist. Has returned to Reddit. I originally hit him with reportmaxxing because he was an insufferable twat with no sympathy for Palestinians (imagine that)

He supports Gnostic fascism, a death cult that wants to return the world to chaos and destroy the cosmos. His AMA is horrific.

On a side note, sorry for being inactive. Building a house chews through your time.