The most important objective of any modern musician/composer, due to the globalisation and ease of access to endless amounts of music through streaming, is to catch the listeners interest as quickly as you can. Regardless of genre the general audience demands a reason to listen to what you make; and with an oversaturated market like music production, there is little they won't have heard already.

How do you avoid being uninteresting, but not pretentious?

Using cush chords, simply put is the method of retaining the tonic (first) chord whilst shifting the other chords in your progression to another modal set of chords, in a new key.

For example, let's begin in C major. The 2 5 4 1 pattern would consist of:

Dm / Gmaj / Fmaj / Cmaj

This sounds fantastic by itself, but listeners have heard this progression 1000 times without knowing it. So how do we engage them?

Let's say we use cush chords, and shift everything EXCEPT the tonic C major to the key of Eb major, a minor third above. You use the respective chords from this key aside from the tonic C.

Fm / Bb7sus / Abm / Cmaj

(Instructive video by openstudiojazz for visual explanations)

And here is a transcribed example of these sorts of chordal changes and methods used:

Now your progression sounds vastly more open, more engaging more interesting. This isn't limited to just shifting a minor third above and you can do it as many times as you want in a composition. Implementing something simple like this gives your composing the edge above standard methods used by the majority of others in your position.

Happy composing! let me know if composition effortposts are something wanted or not

!chuds

Evidence about child's picky eating helps convince immigration tribunal that being forced to leave UK would be unduly harsh

An Albanian criminal was allowed to stay in Britain partly because his son will not eat foreign chicken nuggets, The Telegraph can reveal.

An immigration tribunal ruled that it would be "unduly harsh" for the 10-year-old boy to be forced to move to Albania with his father owing to his sensitivity around food.

The sole example provided to the court was his distaste for the "type of chicken nuggets that are available abroad".

As a result, the judge allowed the father's appeal against deportation as a breach of his right to a family life under the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR), citing the impact his removal might have on his son.

The case, revealed in court documents, is among a record 34,169 outstanding asylum appeals. The number represents a five-fold increase in two years from the 6,386 appeals outstanding at the same point in 2022.

The legal challenges, largely on human rights grounds, threaten to hold up Labour's efforts to fast-track the removal of thousands of migrants with no right to remain in the UK.

They also risk undermining the Government's efforts to appear tough on immigration in the face of the rise of Reform.

The revelations come as the Government launches a campaign to counter claims that Britain is a soft touch for migrants by announcing the results of a blitz on illegal working.

Data to be published on Monday show there were 609 arrests last month for illegal working, 73 per cent up on January 2024, and a 48 per cent rise in raids from 556 to 828.

The Home Office will also publish pictures and videos of migrants being deported from the UK and forcibly placed on planes.

It comes as both Labour and Tories are trying to head off the electoral threat from Nigel Farage's Reform UK, whose hardline "freeze" on non-essential immigration and turn back the boats plan has helped his party overtake both Tories and Labour and top the latest opinion polls.

Commenting on the chicken nuggets case, Robert Jenrick, the shadow justice secretary, said it was "mind-boggling" that food was being used as an argument to prevent deportation.

"It's ludicrous that a judge would entertain it. Cases like this make us a laughing stock.

"It's an insult to the British public that our immigration laws are being abused in such an outrageous way," he said.

Chris Philp, shadow home secretary, said: "This case shows how bogus asylum seekers and foreign criminals are ruthlessly exploiting human rights laws and weak judges to stay in the UK when common sense clearly shows they should be kicked out."

A Home Office spokesman said: "Foreign nationals who commit heinous crimes should be in no doubt that we will do everything to make sure they are not free on Britain's streets, including removal from the UK at the earliest possible opportunity.

"Since the election, we've removed 2,580 foreign criminals, a 23 per cent increase on the same period 12 months prior."

Sir Keir Starmer and his Attorney General have said that they will not withdraw from the ECHR and that the Government is committed to upholding the rule of international law.

Albanian Klevis Disha, 39, came to the UK illegally in February 2001 as a 15-year-old unaccompanied child. He used a false name and falsely claimed to have been born in the former Yugoslavia.

Although his asylum claim was rejected, he secured UK citizenship in 2007 after being granted exceptional leave to remain, and then indefinite leave to remain.

He met his partner, another Albanian who had gained UK citizenship, in 2006, with whom he had two daughters and a son.

However, in September 2017, he was jailed for two years after being caught with £250,000 cash, known to be the proceeds of crime.

Dame Priti Patel, then home secretary, ordered he should be deported to Albania and stripped of his UK citizenship as it had been acquired through deception.

Disha appealed and was backed by a judge at a lower-tier immigration tribunal. The judge ruled that it would be "unduly harsh" for his 10-year-old son -- known only as C -- to remain in the UK and be separated from his father, or to be forced to go with him to Albania.

The case centred on C's "additional" needs, which were supported only by evidence from a trainee educational psychologist for whom, the court noted, no CV had been supplied, as well as evidence from a neighbour and a family friend.

The court was told there was no formal diagnosis of special educational needs for the boy, but he did have an educational plan to deal with his "emotional regulation, independence; reading and writing."

Child has difficulties with socks

Disha's lawyers said that the needs of C, whose first language was Albanian, also included "sensory difficulties" with some clothing, such as socks in particular, and certain types of food which meant he would seize up and "refuse to do anything."

Disha's appeal was granted. However, a judge in the upper tribunal disagreed with the assessment that his additional needs could not be met if he was returned to Albania.

The judge, David Merrigan, said the only example of why the boy could not go to Albania was that he "will not eat the type of chicken nuggets that are available abroad".

"We are not persuaded that the addition of this sole example approaches anywhere near the level of harshness for a reasonable judge to find it to be 'unduly' so," he said.

He remitted the case to be reheard by a different judge in a lower tribunal to decide the "sole issue" of whether the consequences of deportation would be unduly harsh on the 10-year-old boy. The case is ongoing.

every bob video about disco is always him trying to cope about people hating the MCU, because he's a poptimist that hates being bullied for his low standards

!bobmob ^ try to upmarsey my comment if you can find it or comment down below saying what i said or another pithy comment but include the timestamp so people will like it

Also he made ANOTHER fascist screed because he couldnt get a valentines date:

Last two of her kittens that are still with my relatives .

Previous posts.

https://rdrama.net/post/329678/new-year-marseyparty-new-batch-of

https://rdrama.net/post/246147/well-well-well-look-at-whats

RIP .

PREVIOUSLY: https://rdrama.net/h/slackernews/post/254464/ceo-of-data-privacy-company-onerepcom

The data privacy company Onerep.com bills itself as a Virginia-based service for helping people remove their personal information from almost 200 people-search websites. However, an investigation into the history of onerep.com finds this company is operating out of Belarus and Cyprus, and that its founder has launched dozens of people-search services over the years.

KING KREBS

https://infosec.exchange/@briankrebs/113980130896539182

https://www.mozzarella.org/en-US/about/legal/terms/subscription-services/

https://krebsonsecurity.com/2024/03/mozzarella-drops-onerep-after-ceo-admits-to-running-people-search-networks/

Oh boy oh gee willikers Braveman. Another week another Furryfox is fricking shit-tier garbage post lmfao

Go on Mozzarellacels, do it https://brave.com/download/

Holy shit what a bum

I have one of his books. It's supposed to be aight.

THANK YOU @Soren I am glad to have you're support!!!

!soren

This is going to have hilariously predictable consequences.

Prices will fall for things we produce & prices will climb for things we don't. When Trump had a much smaller trade war in 2018 the price of corn fell by 20% over 2 months because countervailing tarrifs and it wasn't until Rona that they recovered.

Futures started pricing this in on Friday (all grains were down, meat was up) but Monday is going to be fun. Anyone who owns a farm in the US and isn't a corp who can hedge this is fricked.

First consumer price to see movement is going to be onions as they don't have a futures market. Anything that's harvest to supermarket in days-weeks will be next, anything that gets sprayed with water/is refrigerated.

We are also going to see next week if congress are going to hide in the corner while their authority is being usurped or not. POTUS doesn't have authority to do tarrifs like this absent a declaration of war.

Edit: Canada have already announced countervailing tarrifs. https://globalnews.ca/news/10992959/donald-trump-tariffs-canada-feb-1/ waiting for the schedule and hoping they are troll enough to stick 100% on Teslas for the lulz.

Today I have decided to return to calling myself English because I am.

Born in England, makes me English.
🙌🏾 pic.twitter.com/cjhDvq8PIr

— Bushra Shaikh (@Bushra1Shaikh) February 17, 2025

!nooticers

You will never be English.

You have no Anglo, you have no Saxon.

You are a Pakistani twisted by ideology and delusion into a crude mockery of nature’s perfection.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted.

The Celts are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of… https://t.co/ughNxveCjP

— Callum (@AkkadSecretary) February 17, 2025

At the moment, mansion-sized Asteroid 2024-YR4 has a one-in-fifty chance of hitting Earth in the next eight years.

Now might be a bad time to reduce spending on Science. Just sayin’. pic.twitter.com/hzmIjEJRBr

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) February 15, 2025

Why is there no Neil DeGrasse Tyson marsey

BREAKING: President Trump just announced: "The US will take over the Gaza Strip, and we will do a job with it, too. We'll own it and be responsible for dismantling all of the dangerous unexploded bombs and other weapons on the site. Level the site and get rid of the destroyed… pic.twitter.com/dnoMKDSQFA

— George (@BehizyTweets) February 5, 2025

Wake up babe, it's die for Israel O'clock

Now we know why the Jews didn't let the Dems rig the election.

https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-palestinians-leave-gaza-us-rebuild/story?id=118463249

Orangesite strokes their neckbeards and tut-tuts sagely

Two different web development experts who asked to remain anonymous because they were probing a federal website told 404 Media that doge.gov is seemingly built on a Cloudflare Pages site that is not currently hosted on government servers. The database it is pulling from can be and has been written to by third parties, and will show up on the live website.

Very amusing foid moment on the TL today.

My wife(F42)(Emily) and I(M42) have been together since freshman year, [...]

Last night when I arrived home from an exhausting shift, Emily sat me down and told me we had to talk, she proceeded to tell me how she's a lesbian, that she's known since college, and that she's gone with multiple dates with many women over our entire marriage.

She justified herself, saying that her family would've never accepted her and that she never actually cheated on me because she was being her true self with the women she slept with

> It wasn't cheating because I've been lying to you for 20 years(?)

and to end it all she wanted us to have a lavender marriage so she cold be herself while her parents thought she was a straight woman

> anyway can you continue to financially support me please otherwise I'd have to take accountability

I'm not happy for her, or proud or anything like that, if anything I feel pure rage towards her.

you know what to do

By the way, this is the moid's fault but you're not ready for that conversation

These Zoomer girls who make a big performative deal out of having IBS disgust me. It's very unladylike for women to speak of pooping themselves. If we want to hear crass talk we can turn to the male population for that.

About:

BPDFamily.com is the leading online support group for the family members of individuals suffering from Borderline personality disorder (BPD) and other personality and impulse disorders. It is a safe place for intelligent discussion and freedom from the egos and tempers that plague many large blogs and messageboards. The members here are genuine and caring.

The group was established in 2005 and is one of the first "cyber" support groups to be recognized by the medical establishment and receive professional referrals. The group has 280 professional members and has collaborated with a number of University research projects.

Extraordinary lolcows from outer space: JazzSinger

Terminal autism ahead. Proceed with caution

This is a chronological( September 2023 to January 2025) tale of Jazzsinger, the fattiest lolcow I have found in a long time

Her first post

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=356483.0

I am at the end of my rope with my uhwBPD.

About 10 years ago, I tried therapy on my own, since my husband refused to go to couples therapy and would NEVER seek treatment for himself. I got support as well as good advice on how to live with him. But at the time, I didn't know he had BPD. I only knew something was wrong with him, and I wanted to try to fix our marriage. My therapist thought it might be NPD. Now, I think it's both. I've sought her advice off and on, over the years.

But I think he's getting worse. I'm miserable. Although I have friends and activities that keep me busy (we're both retired), I still have to deal with him 24/7. He never stops criticizing me, and he never stops blaming me when HE hurts my feelings. He never stops gaslamping. I do a good job of shutting down and not reacting, or even walking away when he's attacking me — Sometimes that diffuses it. But I fear his behavior may be taking a toll on my physical health, as well as my emotional well being. I don't buy into the things he's said about me over the years, but having to defend yourself in your own home is just wrong. And debilitating.

Somehow, I don't think another round of therapy will help me. I feel I'll just be running to a professional with my hair on fire, unloading about all he's done to me, and how difficult it is to live with him. Been there, done that. In the end, it doesn't help much, and sometimes it makes me angrier because he's the one who needs help.

I guess the unspoken truth is that there's nothing left for me to do but leave. Not easy when you're living on a fixed income and splitting up would bankrupt both of us.

So, under the circumstances, I wonder if more therapy might ease the pain?

uhwbpd is only used by Jazzsinger. Uhw means "unhealthy husband with". This b-word is already cringier than 90% of stragbots on srs.

She wants her husbandoid to know he's hurting her (with words):

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=356439.0

Hi,

My hwBPD often criticizes me during his outbursts. Afterwards, he either denies the episode or turns it around, saying I'm the one who is angry, unstable, etc. It's as if he's unaware that he's tearing our relationship apart.

Is there no way to get through to a pwBPD? He doesn't even respond rationally during calmer times. He just doesn't want to talk about it. He starts making jokes or just making me the bad guy. It's infuriating.

I can't live a pretend life in my own house. Even though I'm dependent on his income (we're both retired), I'm thinking I need to figure out a way to get out. It may just be too difficult to live out my golden years with him.

I try not to absorb his negativity, but it's not working very well.

Do they ever admit they're wrong?

The moid don't even remember acting out on his foid

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=356100.0

Hi,

I'm a newbie here.

My husband is a BPD. After outbursts that include put downs, name calling, and horrible, false statements about me, the next day, he often claims he has no recollection of it. If I repeat the things he said to me, he denies it, and becomes furious. He usually ends up saying I'm trying to start an argument with him. If he does remember the outburst, he somehow makes it my fault.

During his outbursts, his eyes often appear to be glazed over, which is why I sometimes believe he's in a daze, and doesn't remember what he said.

Do BPDs typically have no memory of the things they've said during an outburst?

Is he gaslamping me?

I'm confused.

Thanks in advance for your comments.

She's fricking confused at this stage. I'm starting to get suspicious who the r-slur is.

Why didn't I see his whoreoscope earlier. Maybe he's a leo and I'm an aquarium.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=356415.0

Hi,

I'm married to a hwBPD. I've posted before, but now I'm trying to understand why it took so long for me to realize my husband had a serious problem. It's been 20 years, but I finally realized he may have BPD just months ago.

I've never admitted this to anyone, but I think, in the beginning, he withheld intimacy as a way of control, as well as to make me plead, so that he could feel more wanted. At the time, I thought he was just tired a lot or that we were not compatible in that area, even though it was never a problem when we dated for two years. I put up with it, because it wasn't always the case 100% of the time. Is this something that a pwB PD would do?

Eventually, he exhibited problems handling stress, and he'd have outbursts over seemingly nothing. Then the outbursts would devolve to insults and name calling. Then came the gaslamping - Everything is my fault. I have mood swings. I have anger issues. Then came extreme anger over the tiniest things. That's where we are now. It's awful. I cope because we're retired and rely on each other's income for survival. So I try to build a life outside of our home with friends and activities I love.

I just want to know if withholding intimacy is something pwBPD would do. Also, does anyone think this was the beginning of his BPD behaviors on our marriage?

Thanks.

Her moid is a feathery indian two spirit

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=356590.0

My uhwBPD often seems to have no recollection of the horrible things he's said to me. I'm beginning to think he's two people — One who can be kind and loving, and the other who is highly critical, judgmental, narcissistic, and mean-spirited. I'm also starting to think that the good one is not aware of the bad one, and vice versa. I don't know if he's playing games with me or if he really isn't aware of his horrific behaviors when he's verbally assaulting me.

It's beyond frustrating.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Thanks.

He turned into a troid foid

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=356577.0

My hwBPD complains about everything, including things he can't change, like the lack of sunlight in one of the rooms in our home. He'll complain about the same thing for 20 years, literally, and he thinks it's normal to do so. Because I'm human, I get frustrated sometimes and I say to him, "How can you keep complaining about X, for 20 years, when you know we can't fix it?" He's instantly furious, and he tells me his behavior is perfectly normal. Or, I may say, "Why don't we try doing A, to fix problem B?" He becomes LIVID, telling me I'm trying to shut him up. Well, yes, I am

She's a senior city gal who never learnt to drive. Mayofoids are god's punishment. Also, this was her most unhinged rant till then. It only gets worse from here.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=356626.0

In addition to emotional abandonment when I was sick a couple of times, my uhwBPD is now refusing to help me with things I took for granted. He's done with driving me anywhere that takes longer than 10-15 minutes, unless he wants to go there. I'm a senior who's a city gal who can't drive. So I must now ALWAYS use public transportation, which he claims is "beneath him." He drives himself everywhere. But apparently, public transportation is good enough for me. If I want to visit a friend who is a bit too far away via public transportation, I can no longer ask him to drive me. So either my girlfriend adjusts, if possible, or we just can't meet. Fortunately, most of my friends live nearby, but it still stings. Now, the car is for him ONLY, unless we go to a place of his choosing or to the doctor, together. This is new. It's not so much that he's getting worse — it's more like the "flavor is changing."

He's in charge of our food budget, but now he's reluctant to buy simple things for me, that I want for myself, like a few containers of yogurt, for example. So I've decided I'm not going to fight for a yogurt — I'll just buy my own. It's so crazy! When I told him I'd buy my own, he got MAD! I thought I was offering a solution to a problem. Now I know better. I buy my own stuff, without announcing it. And I don't beg him for anything. I've learned a lot from this website.

My home is more peaceful now, because I don't fight back. I use S.E.T. Sometimes I just walk away. But more and more, I try to operate like a single person now. I dare not count on him for anything. Perhaps I can get him to be more accepting of the idea that it may be best to live like roommates— you do your thing, l'll do mine. We're almost there anyway.

Dinners with friends are a joy, compared to the veiled insults and put downs that I usually must endure from him at the dinner table. I sit there and play "rope a dope," like I'm sparring with Muhammad ALI! That too has escalated, but he sneaks it in, rather than yelling. It's little digs about how I place my napkin, etc. And he barely listens to or remembers anything I say. With friends, I'm a person — they're a person. We enjoy each other.

I just had to vent. It's hard to see him just letting go of husbandly responsibilities, but on the other hand, I guess it's for the best, as well as inevitable. The marriage is falling apart.

The dramagears have fallen off the dramationship

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=356691.0

Sadly, I've lost respect for my uhwBPD. I know he's mentally ill, but I just can't understand why he doesn't realize he needs treatment. Further, the more he devolves into behaving like a toddler or a demon by telling lies, engaging in name calling and put downs, blowing up, being a know it all, whining, and so many more impossible behaviors, the less respect I have for him as a human being. He has no self-control. It's sad.

As a wife, I'm not getting the respect I deserve. So how can I respect him?

He lies a lot. And often times he doesn't remember important conversations we've had, nor does he remember conversations we've had with mutual friends. It begs the question, Is he even bothering to pay attention to me or anyone else? Is he capable of active listening?

I guess I'm just venting again. Sorry. I need to get out more, because I know he's not changing. I need my friends around me. I need to make more good times for myself, because he's like a chain around my ankle; a weight on my shoulders. It's hard when you're retired. Your BPD is around 24/7. It's no picnic.

Clearly, any love or respect I had for him is a mere shadow of what it used to be. There's not much left.

Mayofoid doesn't know what "moid_autism.exe activated" is. Imagine the horror.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=357169.0

Even though my uhwBPD has been calm for about a month now, he's still obsessed with one or two topics in the news as well as the construction of a new building near us. He worries a lot. He gets excited, and he searches for people who validate his opinions on YouTube, and he plays it loudly when he finds them. Thank God he turns it down when I ask him to. And he talks about these things over, and over, and over. Then, he wants me to keep engaging in conversations about this stuff all the time, but I just can't. And I don't want to!

So I find myself being nervous when he brings up his pet subjects, even though I KNOW I don't have to be as interested in these topics as he is. And it makes me angry too, because he tries to force me to talk sometimes. It's hard. I'd love to be able to tell him he's talking about this stuff way too much, and that I'm not interested. I've tried doing that. He gets very angry. He thinks he's behaving normally and he says there's something wrong with me.

He's so hard to live with, even when he's mostly pleasant and normal. I'm in my seventies. I just want to live my golden years in peace. He wears me out. It's like he talks about the same stuff over and over, on a loop sometimes.

I once heard him on the phone with one of his friends, when he slipped into his pet topics. I could tell his friend kept changing the subject. But my hwuBPD kept going on, and on, and on, until eventually, he stopped. Then, he and his friend went on to discuss other things. When I change the subject, he shouts, "Don't change the subject!"

I can't win. Thank God for my friends. Thank God I get out of the house and I have my own life. But we are retired, so I have no choice but to spend a lot of time with him at home.

At least he's not criticizing me or blowing up at every little thing I say or do. I am grateful for that.

I'm just venting. He's hard to live with. I've just got to engage in more self care. The gym. The movies. Lunch with friends. Manicures. It helps. And of course, I'm forever grateful that I found a safe place here.

At this point even the most hardened enemies of the state, trumpistani muskovites would tell this woman to stop complaining and gtfo of this relationship.

But like a fly to a venus trap or an r-slur to rdrama, she is addicted to chronicling her spiral.

She learnt some lessons after her husband's worst outburst ever. That lesson? You guessed it. She's not going to leave him. Lmao

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=357111.0

A few months back, I thought I'd lose my mind. My husband had an outburst that resulted in six months of his angry face, his meanness, and his constant criticism of me. I thought I was at the doorstep of a nervous breakdown. . It felt like more pain, sadness and anger (I hated him) than I could bear. All the while, I feigned normalcy, so as not to set him off and make him worse. Still, I think he knew I was merely putting up with him. I was going through the motions. Then, one day, he seemed to snap out of it, and was he normal and even more loving than he'd been in quite a while.

Things are still OK now, and I'm grateful for a peaceful home, even though I know it's only temporary.

Next time, I'll get out. I'll take a hotel for a couple of nights, to get away from the pressure of it. Because if I don't, next time I could lose my mind. I was tempted to go to a hospital and ask for help, because I felt so fragile at times. It was very hard to live in a state of fear yet fake normalcy the whole time. I felt like I wanted to leave my body. It was too much. Six months is a long time!

If I leave for a bit, at least I'll be able to think. To rest. To live without fear of the next insult. The next angry facial expression. And I can't worry about how he'll react. I just need to save myself. Because he's not worth my sanity. Unfortunately, as a senior citizen on a limited income, I can't leave forever. But I can take mini breaks from him. And I will.

Oh my lord. I forgot mayofoids all act the same irrespective of age

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=357461.0

It looks like I I'll have to live with my uhwBPD, for the rest of my life. I have nowhere to run, and I can't throw him out. We're both senior citizens living on modest retirement funds. We live nicely, but he can't live well without my income, and vice versa.

Lately, as he's aging, he's gotten worse. There are more outbursts. More criticisms.He's angrier. He's more irritable. He's always anxious. I don't know how he can live with himself without seeking help, because I know he's in pain. On top of that, he's more forgetful. I see dementia creeping in. Nevertheless, it's difficult for me to feel compassion, because I'm the target of his anger.

At this time, he's so detached with reality that I no longer feel as hurt as I once felt, after a barrage of insults. I just see him as a sick person. I feel anger, because I can't fight back, but I don't feel as shaky and anxious as I've felt in the past. I think it's because I realize I'm living in the real world, and he clearly is not. I think the hardest thing is not being able to speak my mind or inject reality. He'll just tell me I'm too emotional. I'm too moody. I'm dark and evil. It's infuriating and frustrating.

I wonder if his current behavior is sustainable. He seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but I'm not a mental health professional, so I can't be sure. . It's as if he one HUGE, EXPOSED RAW NERVE. Everything bothers him. Maybe I'm just hoping for something to break. Because at times I wonder how long I can go on like this.

I appreciate being able to vent here. It helps a lot. Thank you all.

R-slur does r-slur thing. More news at 11:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=357615.0

He seemed calm, so I brought up the subject of my leaving home for two days of self-pampering and meditation. Told I'd get a hotel room — just for a couple of nights. Some "me time." He told me he was OK with it.

THEN, HE WENT BALLISTIC.

It wasn't a full-blown outburst, but he was furious. He started right in with the name-calling. This time, he switched from calling me stupid to calling me old and worthless. Telling me no one else wants me, and that he wants a DIVORCE.

He announced that he'd noticed how detached I've been for the past six months or so. I told him it was because of his outbursts. I told him I'm still a traumatized, and it's part of the reason why I needed a bit of time away. He got angrier, and brought up all the things he sees as my weaknesses. The things that make me intolerable. And he told me the fact that I need two days to myself is the first sign that our marriage is over. He's right.

I'm nervous, but I feel FREE. I spoke my truth, and he heard me, finally. I've been under a lot of pressure, walking on eggshells most of the time.

BTW, I recorded one of his nastiest, meanest outbursts and played it for him. He said he was just joking. Then I mentioned another recent outburst that left me traumatized. He told me he was just joking that time too.

He said he doesn't like how much time I spend interacting with my friends and a dear cousin of mine. Meanwhile, they don't criticize me like he does, so I desperately need them. We enjoy each other's company. And we text and message each other. Because every time I open my mouth at home, I get criticized, harshly. The meaner and angrier he gets, the more I need my friends, and the more I withdraw from him. He sees it.

I don't know how this will end. For almost a year I've felt the marriage, in its current state, was unsustainable. Right now, he's giving me the silent treatment. We're in the same apartment, but acting like roommates. He could (and probably will) pull all of his financial support.

Whatever happens, I'll find a way to make it. Because I just can't take the abuse anymore. I don't care that I'm in my 70's and retired. I have the right to live in peace. I will find a way to thrive. It's scary, but being with him is just too painful.

More call for attention (from both sides)

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=357852.0

While I am pleased that my husband wuBPD hasn't had an outburst since December, his incessant, childish behaviors are extremely irritating.

On occasion, he "jokingly" wears a campaign hat of a candidate I don't like. He'd never wear it in public - he bought it and wears it solely to irritate me. I wouldn't care if I loved the candidate. Following me around with the cap on his head, teasing me, and not letting up, even when I ignore him, is maddening! This man is a senior citizen — not a toddler.

Sometimes I swat him out of the way. He tells me I have no sense of humor. I tell him that I do, but I'm an adult. Then he tells me I'm old. He asks me to put the hat on my head, so he can take a picture and send it to my friends. I refuse. He takes pictures of himself with the hat on. After a while, I don't even laugh. Because he's not a toddler that I'd be happy to humor. And he does it too much. I really don't need this daily teasing. So I'm thinking…Now, I have to leave the house and take a walk, when he starts with the hat. I know he's looking to get a rise out of me, so we can fight. I don't want to! He sometimes throws in irritating political slogans. But I just want peace. So I have to walk out of my own home to get it, I guess. Because otherwise, it's only a matter of time before it rises to the level of a shouting match. I can only take so much.

He can be an incredible nuisance. I wonder if there's another way to handle this, other than walking out?

I'm in my 70's. Can't start a new life, but would love to live in peace, as much as possible, considering his mental illness. I see dementia creeping in also.

I'm stumped.

This was the post that caught my eye. 100% this foid's husband either browsed /r/drama or lurks here

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358125.0

I've worked very hard on setting boundaries and self care, but there is one problem that looms largely and is dangerous. He now drives while watching his favorite YouTube channels.

He started by listening to music on the phone, and fiddling with it to switch songs, while driving. I always offered to take care of it while he drives, but he rarely allowed it, and I didn't want to wrestle the phone out of his hands.

Now, he'll mount the iPad or phone on the dashboard, and keep YouTube on, while he drives. He claims he's not watching — just listening, but it's not true. Because I've offered to hold it in my lap, but he won't allow it. And he refuses to stop.

So now, I must limit my time in the car with him. It's too dangerous. He does this on highways. We're not in the car much, because we live in a big city. So I'm practicing saying NO, the next time he wants me to come with him when he's driving the car. I just can't do it. I fear for his life and mine. It's only a matter of time before "Jesus takes the wheel."

I'm stressed because today we need to go somewhere and i need to get in the car with him. I pray my talks and pleadings have worked. Because I can't do this anymore. I don't know if he has a death wish. I don't know why he needs the distraction while driving. I just know he won't stop. I might call the police on him. Something has to be done. This is the last straw. No one should have to put up with this. I can't believe his level of mental illness.

Just when I was focusing on my life and friends, and doing better with him at home, now this. He's always upping the ante.

I don't know what to do. I need help.

Please listen. A mayofoid is venting about nothing.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358345.0

Yesterday was a bad day.

At 75 years old, I figured I'd better go to Urgent Care to get an X-Ray, since I'd had a pain in my ribs/lungs in my right side, for 4 to 5 days. In addition, I was having a bit of trouble breathing when I walked. My UHWBPD would NOT go with me, even though he was the one who suggested that I get it check out.

It turned out that I may have been experiencing the onset of pneumonia. I also had a low grade fever. Antibiotics and bed rest were prescribed. I came home, and asked my husband to go to the pharmacy (just across the street) to pick up my meds. He refused! He said he was too tired! So I went back out and picked them up myself.

Later, he spent the rest of the day cycling back and forth from being angry with me, to being needy. He wanted me to say that I was wrong for asking him to pick up my meds, because he was tired! I set him straight, telling him he was wrong, and shame on him. Mind you, I didn't even ask him to come to Urgent Care with me, because he was making excuses ahead of time.

I'm livid, but I'm controlling my anger.

I never imagined my marriage would devolve to this point. He's gotten so much worse over the years! It's been 20 years, but the past two years have been almost unbearable. I pray for the weeks and sometimes months when he's behaving normally. But lately, they're fewer and farther between. Last May 17, he had the worst outburst ever. I think it was his first. That's what led me to this site — I was searching for answers. It has been a blessing. But he's been going downhill even more rapidly ever since.

I'm trying to cope, because finances won't allow me to leave. And at my age, living in a very expensive part of the country, I'd never find affordable housing. Also, I can't afford our current home without him. So, I try to cope, but it's hard.

He's impossible sometimes. It's awful.

Thanks for "listening."

Strawhusband. She is also planning her escape.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358416.0

Yesterday was the last straw with my husband.

Once again, he talked about our beautiful home, ad nauseam, as if it's a dark, dreary cave. Then, he started playing a video, while driving, while I was in the car, and he refused to stop. He told me to take the subway next time. He said he sometimes wants to sleep in the car, in a park, at night, because our apartment is so bad for him. We live in a lovely, upscale co-op in a coveted neighborhood. Our apartment is beautiful. I think the problem is that I BOUGHT IT, years ago, and he moved in (from his tiny apartment in a bad neighborhood), twenty years ago, when we got married. So he puts it down, constantly. But yesterday was the worst.

My biggest fear was living in poverty without his income. Because I don't think I'd ever be able to get alimony out of him. He's very sick. Very volatile. So I'm thinking I might throw him out. — he can find a room somewhere. Hey — he claims he hates the apartment anyway. I can handle the bills he was covering for maybe 2 years. Then, I'll need to sell, and split the proceeds with him — his name is on the deed now too. I'll need to live low, but I won't be bankrupt.

I don't know if my plan will work, but just coming up with SOMETHING, makes me feel better.

Now, I'm NO LONGER AFRAID to get a hotel room for two nights, when he becomes unbearable. I don't care how mad he gets when I return, as long as he's not violent. I deserve some alone time. He doesn't want me to have it and has protested whenever I've mentioned it. He's afraid to let go of me for even two nights. Well, he doesn't own me. I'm 75 years old. I can book a hotel room without him. I finally have the courage to do it.

This is the NEW ME. (Most white woman sentence in the entire english language)

I feel better. I'm less fearful.

I know it needs some tweaking, butI hope my plan makes sense.

She finally abused a support helpline

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358497.0

I just contacted an abuse hotline. I was advised to just go ahead and get out for two days. I was told I'm going to be verbally abused no matter what.

I know I have to do something. I don't want to wait until he has another outburst, when I'd have to run out to save myself.

I have to be fearless and just make my move. I was told to "choose wellness." I was told that the verbal abuse is a choice. I'm not sure about that, but I was on a chat with the advisor, and I could only explain so much. Still, I'm convinced the abuse is coming from my husband's untreated BPD.

It did make me realize the seriousness of my situation, and how I'm choosing to stay rather than leave, even for a few days. Guess I need more self-examination too.

It's on ME to save myself.

She won. What did she gain? Nothing. What did it cost? Dignity

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358526.0

I'm starting to realize that a 2-day break from my UH might be a bad idea. His world turns upside down without me. I've never spent a night out of the house on my own, except for business purposes, when I was working, and that was more than eight years ago. He couldn't object— it was part of my job. But now, I can see I might be facing a dangerous situation if I leave for two days andI return home. Also, I'm terrible at lying. If I used a friend as a cover, while I rested up in a hotel by myself, he'd sense that I'm just trying to get away from him.

His anger is traumatizing. And for sure, he'd make my life even more of a living heck if I left for two days.

So I'm thinking if I find an affordable spiritual retreat, something that I truly want to do, for ME, instead of just running from him, that might work. I believe if I tell him about it over and over, in advance, show him a website that spells out the planned activities, he might be ok with it. And it would provide growth and healing for me. It might be better than just getting a hotel room for a couple of nights. He might be convinced that I wouldn't be running from him, I'd just be participating in an activity that happened to take place over the weekend.

I don't know.

Does anyone else think that this makes sense?

Thanks so much.

One small step for a lolcow, one small step for an r-slur

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358599.0

I have contacted an old friend who lives far away enough that I'd need to spend the nigh, if I were to visit. I've visited her with a mutual friend in the past, but it was always a day trip, because I felt I needed to get back home to my husband. Now, I'm eager to stay for at least one night, to catch up with her, as well as be free of my draining H.

I haven't presented the idea to him yet — I don't have firm dates. But when I do, I think he'll see it as just a friendly overnight stay with an old friend, rather than an abandonment. Because my eagerness to visit her is almost stronger than my desire to get away from him. And the fear of retaliation is not as great as it has been previously. I know if I lied and just got a hotel room, which was my original plan, he'd know something was off. He'd know I was simply wanting to get out and away from him.

This has to work. I feel I'm opening the door to more freedom and mini breaks from him, down the road. As long as he doesn't feel threatened, I think I'll be ok when I return. He might be a little angry, but I don't believe he'll be ENRAGED. .

On a similar note, a few days ago I had lurch with two friends I haven't seen in a long time. It was wonderfully refreshing. I realized I needed MORE of it, so that's when I came home and contacted my girlfriend, to open a conversation about my spending the night. I am grateful that she was excited about it, and she was very supportive when I explained what was going on with my uhwBPD.

So this is where I am — at the doorstep of freedom. I know it's only for one night, but it will be a GIANT step for me.

Foid has therapist. Foid is on God knows how many medications. Foid amazed she's not tipping over.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358735.0

I recently spoke to my therapist, bringing her up to date on what I'm experiencing with my H. I realize she's never interviewed him and he is NOT her patient, but she knows the history. I've been working with her off and on, for quite a few years. So her comments were concerning.

She agreed with me when I told her he's getting worse. There are more outbursts, more negative and sometimes nonsensical chatter, more episodes of him trying to agitate me, more manic behaviors, like rapid speech or driving miles and miles to 4 different parks, because each one was never quite right, etc.

She believes he needs medication, and I agree. She also thinks it sounds like he needs hospitalization. I do think he'd benefit from a brief rest, away from home, where he can be evaluated by a psychiatrist, and put on meds. However, I know this will never happen, because he'd have to do it voluntarily.

She thinks as time goes on, things will come to a head. Either there will be an outburst that spills out into the hallway of our apartment building, and I'll have to get security and the police involved, or he'll have a car accident, because he's driving while watching videos.

Not good.

A lot to think about, and a little scary.

Still, miraculously, I'm not falling apart. I socialize and stay busy outside of our home, as much as possible. It helps a lot. I don't react to his provocative comments. I get up and leave the room when he irritates me. I detach/tune him out, as best I can.

Today we will see our PCP in separate time-slots. I've told him about my husband's behaviors before, resulting in him writing a prescription for Xanax, for ME. I never took it. This time I'll let him know that my husband is driving while watching videos, although he no longer does it when I'm in the car. I feel this should be documented, even if I get zero support from this doctor.

This is where I am.

Hanging in there.

She spent one night away from the neurodivergent r-slur while he gets an MRI. Spends entire night blogposting

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358925.0

Recently, I was able to tell my uhwBPD that I was planning an overnight visit with a dear friend, who lives quite a distance away from us. Surprisingly, I got ZERO push back. I think it's because at the suggestion of my friends, I made the getaway more about visiting my old friend than getting out of the house, and getting away from him.

Even though I only went away for a day, I was able to think, and gain some clarity, without him hovering over me all the time. I also enjoyed the company of my friend, and I vented some of my frustrations to her.

At the end of the brief vacation , I realized I'm only at the beginning of gathering my thoughts, and figuring out how to handle everything my H has thrown at me.. I've kinda been in shock for nearly a year, after one of his worst outbursts in May, 2023. It was the first time I'd seen him behave in such a bizarre way, and I was traumatized. Fortunately, soon after that outburst, I found this website and reread Stop Walking on Eggshells. I got some cowtools and wonderful support, and I've been a lot better at dealing with him, day-to-day. But this little break helped me see…I'm not quite ready to make any major decisions about moving, or throwing him out.

I now see that I only have total peace when I'm not around him, yet I haven't figured out how and if I can survive, on a fixed income, without financial contributions from him. And I already know he's not open to it. At the same time, I'm not sure how much longer I can live like this. Still, as much as I fantasize about a perfect, peaceful life without him, realistically , I'm not sure how I'd fare being single, in my mid-seventies. I sometimes need physical support. . In spite of all of his awful behaviors, he's a big help in many areas, and we share a love for music - we record and have regular jam sessions. Sometimes we get lost in music all day. During these moments, we're good together. On the other hand, being away from him showed me he's almost always negative, dark, complaining, and full of criticisms.

Well, I can see why I'm in this group. But whether I've made sense here or not, the short vacation from him did give me more clarity. But I'm still sorting things out.

Not sure where to go from here.

Lastly, here's some good news — He's going for a brain MRI today. This is because I vented to a doctor we both see, and the doctor somehow talked him into the MRI, without ever referencing mental illness. Instead, he referred to a TMI (mini stroke) my H had 10 years ago. The doctor thinks dementia may be partially responsible for some of his behaviors.

We'll see.

Again, I'm not sure where to go from here.

Brain MRI comes back DramaVirus positive. Foid devastated not at the illness but that he can't be unpizzashilled

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=3058957.0

My uhwBPD had a brain MRI, ordered by a doctor of ours who is trying to help, based on my sharing about my H's behavior.

My H had a TMI (mild stroke) 10 years ago, and the brain MRI at that time showed white brain matter disease, consistent with a stroke. However, I read it can also be a sign of dementia, mood swings, and other ailments. Nevertheless, since there's been no change in the MRI results from 10 years ago, and because my husband always tells the doctor that apart from mild memory loss, he's fine, there will be no treatment plan.

I was disappointed. I sat down at dinner and told my husband that his forgetfulness and mood swings have intensified, and have occurred with greater frequency, over the past two years. I begged him to tell the doctor the truth about what's been going on, and to ask for meds, because he'll only get worse. He took it well, and didn't deny anything. But he asked for specifics. I was vague, for fear he'd blow up if I described his scary behavior in great detail. I also told him he probably doesn't remember any of the episodes. He said he didn't. But I did scare him. He feels he might get worse over time.

I then asked him to send a note to the doctor, telling him the truth about the mood swings and forgetfulness. I told him to ask for help. He said he would, and asked me to write the note for him. I did it.

Of course, by the next morning, he was blaming his memory loss on me, and he said he's moody because he hates our home, etc. He took no responsibility for his behavior, and told me to send the note myself — he wouldn't do it. So I asked if I could tell the doctor he approved of my sending it, and he agreed to that. Then, I briefly restated my husband's symptoms, in writing, explaining that My HUSBAND ASKED ME TO SEND THIS TO HIM. I pleaded for help. Then I hit SEND. That was a few days ago. I'll see how it goes.

Meanwhile, my H is walking around making jokes about dementia and mood swings, and saying he's not "crazy," a word I never used. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is where we are. And I'm planning another getaway for October.

I pray the doctor can help. I pray he can prescribe medication. I pray my husband will take it. I don't know how this will work out, because he really needs therapy, But he's still in denial.

Guess all I can do is wait and see.

Any light anyone can shine on this, or any comments at all, are welcomed.

Even the other hoes over at bpd family are Edsnoozemaxxing 😴😴😴 at this point

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=3058985.0

I don't think I would've come this far without my BPD Family, and I'm sure I will be back, from time to time.

But going forward, I know my focus must be on me, not on my H. I've done all I can to try to get him some help. I've worked hard on learning how to deal with a spouse with BPD. I've almost poured my whole life into it, for more than a year.

I know that we are tethered together financially, so I don't feel like I can leave. But it doesn't mean I can't have a life. At least he's not the type to keep me up all night with circular arguments and anger, and I've learned to ignore and depersonalize his criticism, when he's in that mode.

I will invest more time in my friends, activities away from home that I enjoy without him, my therapist, getting away for a couple of days now and then, journaling, and hobbies.

When we can be together and enjoy each other, I'll enjoy those times. We make a lot of music together, and he's remarkably normal when he's musically engaged.

And that will be my life. I can't spend everyday kvetching over him, or at least I can't let him be my main focus.

Maybe one day I'll have more compassion and forgiveness — I think it's needed. I'm not there yet, and it's OK.

BTW, his adult children have been reaching out to us more and more, lately. Sadly, it's become clear to me that they're not mental health poster kids. There are a lot of problems in his family. Fortunately, they live far away.

All of you have helped me stay sane. Thank you. I'll be back.

Foid has achieved what any foid wants in a forum. To be recognizable.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=3059144.0

Even though I've decided to stay with my H, it's a struggle. Sometimes I feel like running.I daydream about living on my own. It's particularly difficult when every opinion I have, about anything, is devalued by him. He'll praise a stranger on a street, or a YouTuber, on their opinions on random topics, while he criticizes me and gets angry if I don't agree with him on said topic. And even if I agree with him, he says I didn't say it the right way, or I'm not approaching the topic on a high enough level. It's infuriating.

There are times when I can just walk away, or be clear-eyed, seeing his mental illness talking. At these times, I'm not taking anything personally. It takes the sting out of his remarks. But I am human. And I'm opinionated. It hurts to be stifled, even though I KNOW I can rarely have a balanced, rational conversation with him.

Were it not for my friends, my true voice would rarely be heard and appreciated. And even after being aware and accepting that he's mentally ill, at times it's still unfathomable that he can be so disturbed.

During the earlier years of our marriage, he was fun to be with. Great to talk to. We were even on the same page, most of the time. I guess it's a waste of time to keep looking back, but I can't believe how much he's deteriorated.

Slowly but surely, I'm creating more of a separate life for me. I don't have a lot of energy at my age, but I try to fill my weeks with getting together with friends, and other activities, so that I can spend less time at home with him. I'm also scheduling another overnight trip, away from home. I've got to.

I guess I'm just venting.

I don't have enough money for lawyers, and we don't have another home, just sitting somewhere, thatI can flee to. I'm retired, and now that I'm in my mid-seventies, I can't earn much beyond my fixed income. We do alright, and we have a lovely place in a high end area. We live in one of the highest real estate markets in the world, and I love it here. But I could never afford to stay here on my own. Sad thing is, I'd be deliriously happy, just where I am, as I am, if I could stay here and not be married to this mentally ill man.

With all of this, I'm managing quite well, but I do have my days. I'm grateful that all of you are here. So glad I can vent here.

Jazz (there it is. The abbreviated sign off)

She vented so hard she ended up in a hospital with chest pain. Luckily, for lolcow connoisseurs she will continue to blogpost.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=3059253.0

Chest pain and general weakness and shakiness, led me to the ER yesterday. My HwuBPD had just stepped out after one of his milder rants about hating our home — a place I purchased years ago, and our lovely home for 20 years. But he never stops complaining.

After he left, I thought I might faint. And I had chest pains. I took an Uber to the nearest ER. I didn't want him with me — he'd have only complained, all the way to the ER.

I was diagnosed with a very high heart rate, but all of my labs came back normal. I asked if stress could do this to me. I was told, yes. They gave me some fluids and sent me home. In the interim, my husband stopped by the ER, but didn't stay long. Truth be told, I didn't want him there. He sat down and immediately started complaining about his back. It told him I didn't know how long I'd be there, and maybe he shouldn't wait. So he went home to get started on dinner. I was relieved.

I still had very mild chest discomfort the next day, and then it went away. I was told I could see a cardiologist, even though everything appeared to be normal. I feel I had a panic attack, or it was pure exhaustion. I told my PCP about it, and he was very nonchalant after reviewing my labs.

I'm very concerned. How long can I last with this man? I've been researching more coping mechanisms, and I'm setting firmer boundaries. I'm also getting out more, and I'll be talking to my therapist more frequently. I feel better already, but this is awful. Just yesterday he said something to me, and something in my chest stirred, but I calmed myself down. It's interesting that my body is responding now, but when he was in a much worse place for a whole year, I was strong, and made it through.

To be clear, I have an acid reflux/esophageal problem that can cause pain behind the sternum. I think maybe it was further exacerbated by his behavior. The shakiness and weakness was new.

I've got to do better. It's about ME, because he's not changing. It's about my self-care, because I can't afford to leave, and I can't afford a lawyer. I must rebuild my resolve to NEVER let him break me. And I have to bring my friends closer. I have to find more outlets.

I had a scary experience. It shocked me. But I'm still here. I will NOT let him get the best of me. I can go out and take a walk when he gets to be too much. I can leave the room. I can be grateful for the good times, because they do still exist.

Thank you for letting me vent. I don't know what I'd do without this website.

Her latest post. Her r-slur moid is still getting worse

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=3059670.0

I think my H is getting worse. He talks incessantly, yet he doesn't make a lot of sense. He tries to argue with me, by just going around in circles on topics that are of no consequence to either of us. I think I'm looking at dementia as well as BPD.

I thought I could ride this out, by being social, spending time with friends, talking walks, signing up for fitness classes, etc. But sometimes, it's not enough. As soon as I'm in his presence, he finds something to pick at or complain about. Often times I ignore him. Other times, I feel I'm going to lose my mind if I listen to any more of his ramblings and rants. It's no way to live. I'm in my mid 70's. I'm tired.

I think I have to find a way to get out. To maybe get whatever I can out of selling our co-op, and find a place to live, in peace.It won't be easy — real estate prices in our area are sky high, but I'm almost ready to settle for living in a room. I might be at the end of my rope. I just need peace, without his mouth going all the time. And I know he will fight me tooth and nail, but I don't want to even think about his reaction.

Recently, I've had a minor health issue that has hindered my mobility for about six weeks now, so I can't get out like I used to. This is probably why I'm suffering so much. Hopefully, in the next few days, when I see a specialist, I'll be pain free and more mobile again.

I guess I'm just venting. If I had my life to live over again, I'd make sure I didn't have to depend on anyone else's income to live well.

Perhaps I will start with a couple of days away from home in a hotel room, and then come back home and take it from there. I desperately need a break from him.

I'm so glad it's safe to vent here.

Thanks so much.

Being the benevolent and altruistic person I am, I have shot her a message to join this site.

Let me start this by saying no one was hurt and the bullet was recovered inside the residence.

Like most stories on this sub, I grew up with and around firearms my entire life. I've known the 4 rules since i was a child and the only difference between me now and then is complacency it seems.

Last night I was laying in bed with my partner getting ready to wind down for the night. I am essentially peepeeing around with my handgun, a Glock 19 clone.

I drop the magazine, clear the chamber, and re-insert the magazine for the weight. I aim at the wall, click. Out of habit, I absentmindedly racked the slide fully to reset the trigger and chambered a round. I aim at the wall, BAM

First thing I did was check my partner and myself, and from there I follow the bullet trajectory through two sheets of drywall and into the corner of the living room where it hit two 2x4s and bounced onto my partner's desk.

I feel like such a fricking idiot. I am a fricking idiot. Someone could have died or been injured, the cops could have come, so much could have gone far worse.

TLDR: I was an idiot with a gun, now I am an idiot with a drywall putty knife. Picture is of recovered 124gr Hornady Critical Duty +p

There's nothing wrong with dryfire practice but it's absolute basic safety to eject the magazine, put it in another room (especially if it's loaded), check at least three times that the chamber is indeed clear, and then do your dryfire drills. This absolute brainlet r-slur REINSERTS THE FULL MAGAZINE ("for the weight") before dryfiring and unsurprisingly puts one in the wall.

Also he's married.

!firearms

!khive !nonchuds

https://old.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/1i4emv7/12_million_djt_inauguration_yolo_this_may_ruin_my/

https://old.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/1i6k39f/i_recorded_myself_instantly_losing_500k_of_my/

https://old.reddit.com/r/trump/comments/1igzsb8/i_put_my_life_savings_in_djt_and_i_will_never/

Very little drama, skip to the bottom two links for the actual drama But this subreddit's janny is pretty hands off and the last slap fight got a reply 15 minutes ago so it might pick up.

Cook's Illustrated is a magazine featuring extremely well tested but labor intensive recipes for upper middle class while America's Tesk Kitchen is the PBS show featuring their recipes. Cook's Country is a spin off that features regional American recipes that are slightly simpler in both a magazine and PBS TV show. The entire company was started by an extremely WASPy nerd, Chris Kimball, who got pushed out in favor of more diverse individuals after selling to a private equity firm (mid 2010s).

He then recreated the whole enterprise as a new competing company called Milk Street (which is another drama).

After the induced moral panic of 2020, the company replaced the editor of Cooks' Country with a for both the magazine and TV show (the previous editor never appeared on the TV show as far as I can recall).

In the newer seasons, Toni Tipton-Martin opens the show with a monologue about the featured recipes' hisotry and explains how these recipes (as well as ALL other recipes) were created by Black women. She then awkwardly supervises while the actual cooks make the recipes.

Unfortunately some uppity dared to notice this

Is this a safe space to talk about Toni's on screen presence?? She is SO stiff and it seems like everyone else is on edge or less comfortable when they're cooking with her. I didn't mind her reading her piece about different dishes but this new season is way too much Toni and the vibes are off. Am I way off base?

The uppity mayos are a little too comfortable and start agreeing:

I dont like her. At all. She's fake af.

She's ruining cooks country. I miss Bridget and Julia spearheading that show. Toni is boring, monotone, and seems atrocious to be around let alone work under. They need to get her off screen fast. We fast forward through any segment with her. She really doesn't add anything to the show.

Where did she come from anyway? She just appeared one season like some sort of expert.

Luckily a ally lets the mayos know "this is ain't it, chief" :

I just want to say maybe take a sec.and think about these comments. A little bit of self reflection. I enjoy the show, she is an academic and is likely evolving her camera presence.

Finally fully puts the and in their place:

Wow, some of these comments are….not it.

I've always assumed she leaned more towards the academia side of things. Being a bit stiff until one can relax in a hosting- type role is not unexpected. Not everyone is going give the same vibe on camera. Perhaps she's getting her sea legs when it comes to the cooking segments v the history bits she does.

But yeah, calling her fake, scary (?), etc. Harsh af.

She's not white. Hence the criticism.

exactly

I'm sure she's a nice person but she doesn't fit in with the show. I always fast forward her reading segments and now I don't even want to watch the cooking segments she's on.

She doesn't fit in because she's not white.

That's not it. Lan isn't white. She's enjoyable to watch. Elle isn't white and she's charismatic. It's not her race. It's her demeanor.

Agree - non white woman here and I'm not a fan of Toni. Way too little energy and sometimes she comes across like she's new to a kitchen

non white woman here

So you're not black. POC solidarity doesn't exist.

Um okay - that is an interesting take on my comment

You're not a fan of the only black person on the show along with Elle. Tap dancer.

!nooticers !antibharatiya

New data show how TCS makes heavy use of employment visas reserved for managers. Ex-staffers say it was to get around H-1B rules.

The first time Donald Trump took over the White House, Anil Kini alleges that executives at India's biggest outsourcing firm ordered him to take part in what he describes as a coverup.

Kini, who was an IT manager working in Denver for Mumbai-based Tata Consultancy Services Ltd, or TCS, says his superiors ordered him to falsify internal organizational charts — to make them appear more top-heavy with managers than they really were.

The goal, Kini later alleged in a federal lawsuit and in interviews with Bloomberg News, was to prepare for any heightened scrutiny of the way TCS was using employment visas. It was 2017, and Trump had campaigned on an anti-immigration platform, but his focus wasn't confined to undocumented immigrants. He'd also assailed a widely used skilled-worker visa program, called H-1B, saying it provided "cheap labor" that hurt US workers. He said US-based companies should instead prioritize hiring Americans.

Kini and two other former TCS employees who filed similar lawsuits say the company repeatedly made improper use of special manager-level visas to hire front-line workers who had no management responsibilities. All three cases, which were filed under the federal False Claims Act, were dismissed before the allegations of visa fraud were examined in court; Kini's is on appeal. The manager visas, known as L-1As, are easier for employers to obtain and have fewer guardrails; for example, they lack even the minimal pay requirements that Congress has imposed for H-1B holders.

Kini told Bloomberg that as Trump took office eight years ago executives at TCS, an arm of the Indian conglomerate the Tata Group, were trying to make their organizational charts match their visa applications, before any federal inspectors showed up on their doorstep.

While officials in Trump's first administration continued to criticize employment visas, the anticipated crackdown failed to materialize. Now, with Elon Musk and other tech executives defending the H-1B program, Trump has changed his rhetoric. "I've always liked the visas, I have always been in favor of the visas," he told the New York Post in December. That flip-flop has triggered pushback from his MAGA base, pitting his nativist supporters against his newer backers from the tech industry. Although studies have shown immigration has been a net positive for the US economy and for government budgets, Kini's story along with allegations in the other lawsuits, internal company documents, emails and federal data obtained by Bloomberg, suggest TCS has used L-1A manager visas in ways that echo Trump's earlier concerns about undercutting American workers. The data, which is previously unreported, shows that the number of L-1A approvals the company has received far exceeds the number of managers it disclosed employing in mandatory federal reports to the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. It also shows that TCS, which works with some of the largest US tech companies, has obtained far more manager visas than any other employer in recent years.

In response to detailed questions about the allegations and Bloomberg's data analysis, a company spokesperson sent a statement denying any wrongdoing: "TCS does not comment on ongoing litigation, however we strongly refute these inaccurate allegations by certain ex-employees, which have previously been dismissed by multiple courts and tribunals. TCS rigorously adheres to all U.S. laws." The company declined to provide further details.

It's unclear how many manager visas TCS may have obtained for workers who, as Kini and others allege, weren't really managers. Kini and others say they knew personally of dozens of cases. Legal experts say it's common for employers to game the L-1A program, and over the past decade, federal officials uncovered nearly 200 cases involving L-1A recipients who weren't actually managers, according to federal data obtained by Bloomberg.

outsourcing firms have overwhelmed the annual lottery that decides which applicants can get new H-1Bs. L-1As, meanwhile, aren't capped and carry no pay requirements. TCS has used the management visas on a scale unmatched by any other US employer, according to exclusive data from the Department of Homeland Security. Bloomberg News obtained the data after filing a Freedom of Information Act lawsuit. The company declined to answer detailed questions about Bloomberg's data analysis. The data show that the USCIS approved more than 90,000 L-1A visas from October 2019 through September 2023. IT outsourcing firms — which contract with US employers to handle information-technology tasks — were the program's heaviest users, but TCS far outpaced its rivals. The firm received upwards of 6,500 approvals, more than the next seven largest L-1A recipients combined. (The US State Department can also issue L-1As under a blanket approval process, but the agency does not release information on how many it authorizes; experts say the department has issued comparatively few since 2008.)

Compared to its competitors, TCS reported far fewer managers relative to its total US-based workforce. The company declined to respond to detailed questions about the numbers it submitted to the EEOC. It's possible that some high-level employees who do not supervise others could qualify as "functional managers" under L-1A rules. But experts say such cases are rare.

Immigration attorneys say fabricating job titles to obtain L-1As for non-managers would be a violation of the Immigration and Nationality Act and that gaps in federal enforcement authority have allowed employers to abuse the system. Shilpa Malik, a managing attorney at VisaNation Law Group PLLC, said she has encountered instances when companies manufactured evidence in applications for L-1A visas. "The L-1A is often found to be a substitute for the H-1B. Are they all legitimate managers? No, they're not."

The US Citizenship and Immigration Services has had only limited authority to investigate allegations of visa abuse, including any gaming of L-1A visas. Some employers have argued that the agency lacked the legal authority to conduct site visits, and in the past, companies have refused to allow USCIS officials to visit their offices or interview employees alone.

Nevertheless, during the past decade, USCIS has uncovered about 1,800 instances of fraud related to L visas, including nearly 200 cases in which the agency found L-1A recipients were not actually managers, according to USCIS enforcement data obtained by Bloomberg. The agency redacted the names of employers that were the subject of enforcement actions, and it did not respond to questions for this story.

Site visits "do help circumvent fraud," said Erin Green, an employment visa expert and former head of US immigration at Infosys Ltd., one of TCS's competitors. But in many instances USCIS officers simply ask for information by phone or email, "instead of visiting the actual client site," he said. Like many Indian outsourcers, most of TCS's staff members are in India, where it provides back-office IT services for its customers. But the company also needs client-facing workers in the US, and it employs thousands of Americans. Outsourcers often operate on what's known as the 80-20 model: About 80% of their staffers work from India or another low-cost location near their clients, while 20% are in clients' home countries, such as the US, said Peter Bendor-Samuel, founder of Everest Group, a Dallas-based company that advises global firms on outsourcing.

submitting two inaccurate organizational charts. One said he had managed five people in India, and the other said he would have five direct reports in the US.

But he "never managed these individuals, never had a conversation with these individuals, and never met any of these individuals," the complaint said. Govindharajan named 11 other TCS staff members whom he said received L-1A visas using false organizational charts, part of what he called TCS's strategy to save some $2.4 million annually in visa fees. He said in the complaint that TCS's business model depends on paying Indian workers less than Americans. The US government declined to pursue the case, and it was dismissed in 2023 "without prejudice," which means Govindharajan could refile it.

In a separate False Claims Act lawsuit, filed in 2016 in Pennsylvania, another Indian TCS worker on an L-1A visa alleged that the company frequently submitted applications containing "made-up organizational charts to demonstrate a make-believe hierarchy." The worker, Bedatanu Banerjee, said in filings that internal guidelines suggest ways staff should inappropriately bolster their resumes to correspond with visa requirements. TCS used L-1A visas "to 'creatively' get around" H-1B restrictions, Banerjee alleged in his complaint. The DOJ declined to join in the case and a judge dismissed it without prejudice. Banerjee couldn't be reached for comment.

Whistleblower Alleges Coverup Anil Kini spent nearly a decade building a career in IT management before joining TCS in India in 2006. The 49-year-old was born in India's southern Karnataka state and grew up in the financial center of Mumbai. He earned a bachelor's degree in engineering from the University of Mumbai before studying programming and working in a series of progressively senior IT positions.

After six years at TCS, he was offered an opportunity to migrate to the US on an L-1A visa to run TCS's project providing IT services to Western Union Co., a financial services company based in Denver. Kini supervised 37 employees. All but two of his team were from India, and they had replaced Western Union's previous staff, according to Kini. A representative for Western Union declined to comment.

Kini says higher-ups repeatedly asked him to sign off on visa applications certifying that front-line IT staffers were managers — using the L-1A program to circumvent H-1B caps, he alleges. He says he did not comply with those requests.

On Jan. 19, 2017, the day before Trump's inauguration, Kini was called into an urgent meeting with a TCS senior manager, who gave him a spreadsheet of employees, according to Kini and internal company documents and emails submitted as part of his lawsuit. His job would be to quickly change the internal organization chart to hide the obvious discrepancies for three of his direct reports, who had no management responsibilities, the records show. In all, Kini said that of the 22 L-1A visa employees on the Western Union account, only eight performed managerial roles.

After the January 2017 meeting, Kini said he began complaining. "If there is any site visit, USCIS will easily know the real reporting structure," he wrote in one 2017 email to his supervisor, which was submitted as part of his lawsuit.

Kini said he was emboldened to speak out at the time because the US government had just approved his green card, which meant his employer no-longer controlled his ability to live and work in the US. Otherwise, with only a visa, "TCS could send me back to India with an hour's notice," he said. Soon after, he says, the company began to retaliate against him, cutting him out of meetings and removing his responsibilities before firing him in August 2018.

Nearly a year before he was fired, Kini sued TCS, alleging the company had violated federal visa rules and retaliated against him as a whistleblower. A federal judge dismissed the case last February, ruling that Kini failed to meet legal standards under the False Claims Act.

After being ousted from TCS, Kini says he found himself ostracized from the tight-knit Indian IT community he had belonged to for more than 20 years. Former colleagues blocked his phone number and family friends avoided eye contact when he saw them at Indian grocery stores.

"Definitely it was a loss," Kini said, "when you're not part of those events and get togethers and birthday parties. We used to go out for movies, we used to go out trekking, and suddenly they're not available."

These days, Kini has found a new career — running a tutoring franchise in Lone Tree, Colorado, just south of Denver. His calls to seek jobs at other IT outsourcing firms went unanswered, he said, despite his decades of experience. Kini said that while the upheaval has been difficult for him and his family, he believes he did the right thing in blowing the whistle. "I have no regrets."

Govindharajan, meanwhile, said that after returning to India he struggled to find work with another IT firm and fears his legal battle with TCS has damaged his prospects.

"It all makes me so angry," he said. "I'm still really angry at TCS."