We're playing the turboneurodivergent Dawn of Civilization mod for Civilization IV that replicates world history. !g*mers

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Last time, on LPC4DoCF, the Roman Empire had started to fracture. It's 624AD and after a barbarian onslaught, the Kingdom of France declared itself independent. We reconquered Clermont and spared them. Egypt and the Levant have seceded and joined the rising Abbasid Caliphate. Not on our watch

First and foremost. Per @Ubie request I am starving the Irish to death. They get one cow pasture as a food source until I build a mine for them to toil in and the rest are to work directly on building boats until they perish.

Our stability is now Shaky now that the Golden Age is over and done with. Expansion and Economy is not negative, but not good. Foreign is bad of course (it always is) and Military is suffering a little because of our barbarian wars. Domestic is our only saving grace as we have compatible, modern civics and Catholic religious unity.

We have room to expand. Obviously. We just lost most of our eastern territories

Most of my army in this territory got evacuated to Knossos in Crete. I don't have means to transport them yet so they're on a little island vacation for now.

A long time ago I conquered the Kingdom of Nubia, rivals of Aksum. Aksum were pretty ungrateful little b-words about it, but it's been good land and it's now really paying off for me. Nubia did not secede, so some of my troops were able to evacuate there. This gives me an opportunity to quickly retake Egypt from the south.

First turn and with our cavalry we've already retaken Waset, the holy city of Islam. Easy! Muslims btfo

Oh wait

Oh holy mother of Christ

I now know what it feels like to be on the other end of a "Stack of Doom"

Our reinforcements land, but it's not enough. I'm going to die

But suddenly they pull back. I send my spies to take a look.

All the beautiful Roman Roads we built are being used by the enemy, and apparently they got distracted by Persia. Thank the Lord. This will give us time to retake Egypt and regroup our army.

One of our missions to the Mande finally succeeds, so we have another Catholic civilization along with us and the French.

St. Peter's Basilica in Roma serves as the Apostolic Palace from the base game, which is basically the religious medieval U.N. We control the Pope basically, so we have influence over diplomacy in the Catholic world. Since there's actually a Catholic presence in the world now, we can put something to a vote. We call for a crusade against the Abbasid.

Neither of them want this, but with our control over the religion they don't actually get a say. The crusade is on.

We can even team up with our ancient frenemies of Persia. We've always been in something of a cold war with them, but Turkey is a bulwark to Greece, so helping reinforce their cities is in our interest. Plus our espionage network in Dorylaion has been pretty valuable

Our espionage reveals that after some butting of heads their military strength is about equally matched with Persia, overall. And we are way stronger than them in totality They just have their army consolidated.

FINALLY the lazy butt Persians research Civil Service and cause us to fail the third Historic condition. Reminder this is intentional, I want a Space victory.

Civil Service was the only technology I had available to research at this point so it's about time.

We've helped them out so much that they're now pretty advanced, technologically ahead of schedule and researching stuff we don't have. With our spies in Dorylaion we can just steal anything they discover thoughbeit

By the time the Arabs return with a host of Ghazi we're ready for them, we've retaken Egypt and reinforced the army. They have a slight terrain advantage but we can soften them up with our gunpowder artillery

We're victorious With a Great General too

After having researched Commune we can now have this guy build an "Armory" as well to speed up production. Roma is still benefiting from the Flavian Ampitheater so we're going to build on there and churn out superbombards and supercavalry

^^^lol he's clipping into the background

Harun al-Rashi is now willing to sue for peace. He's willing to offer us Jerusalem unharmed or even convert to Catholicism. Some intriguing options here but no We're conquering these frickers and taking Mesopotamia.

We're going to have more problems to deal with though

The Moors are about to spawn in Iberia as well.

I haven't seen one of these unique civ spawning warning messages yet, I think they only show for civilizations in your vicinity (maybe I missed the French one?). It doesn't really make sense here if the Arabs hadn't conquered North Africa and the Umayyad Dynasty don't exist. but whatevs the messages are really cool

Regardless, we're about to be beset on both sides by muslims

As well as Christians

Again... Muslim control? but again

I have an army in the west ready to fight these both the Spaniards and the Moors, but... I'm going to let them go

In fact...

France is mechanically capable of becoming a vassal now, but capitulation is tricky. You need to batter an enemy into submission in a war until they feel it is hopeless. Unfortunately we don't have much room if France has two cities - if we conquer Bordeaux and besiege Paris and they refuse to capitulate, we're kinda stuck.

Right now they won't voluntarily swear fealty because we're "too powerful". Pretty sure they will still capitulate if forced.

Spain is still in the "Rise of the Spanish" and can develop for now. When the "Rise of the Spanish" event is over I might invade and try to get them to capitulate. If they go to war with the Moors first I'll join them. The Moors usually build an Islam specific wonder in Cordoba, if we can capture it it would rule.

So for now I'm going to let western Europe secede and develop independently, and the Catholic world are now all my friends

I liked Tarragona but the Silver mine it had is now exhausted so it's less valuable anyway. The one thing that sucks is that muslims now control the Strait of Gibraltar and west Mediterranean, so our mobility is reduced.

I'm focused on eastward expansion instead anyway.

We liberate Ohrmazd-Ardashir from Arab control for our Persiabros.

Gets us some brownie points, and the city was outside of our expansion zone and not really that desirable. If the map is coherent at all, yellow is a "Contested Zone" while red is strictly foreign. Agarum is the furthest south in our contested zone. The Abbasids are willing to surrender it peacefully at this point.

England is about to split. We'll gonna let them go too.

We're back to Stable. The economy has been a rollercoaster with our conquests but this has been offset by trade route buildings that start becoming available around medieval times. Most notably we now actually have Good Relations and positive foreign stability I didn't know such a thing was possible. I guess all the liberation has worked out

Before there are more European powers on the map, we may as well invade France now. The only other European nation is Spain and they don't like them that much, so they won't be annoyed.

Charlemagne probably thinks we're schizo

Success! France will now capitulate.

The Kingdom of France is now the "Province of Gaul". They are our semi-independent b-word, we can direct their research, they join our wars, and we can sometimes demand resources. With Bordeaux they will still be able to colonize. We'll just have to help them out in technology a little.

The Mali Empire will voluntarily vassalize as well, but unfortunately for our Malibros we don't really want them. There's only room for five vassal civilizations. We do want to maintain good relations though when the slave trade starts tho.

Spain has declared war on the Moors, so we'll take our army from France and join them to retake our western territory. They didn't get a chance to build any wonders, oh well.

We might as well make this into another crusade

IT'S ON

Reconquista time

As we retake land we start to get overextended. Time to whip neighbors and enact population control

Cordoba is defended by a Great General, Abd al-Mu'min. This is the first time we've actually gotten to fight one in combat.

Morocco goes down

And frick it, let's go take Hungary too, there's a nice gold mine

Right after Morocco's defeat this crazy b-word declares war on me

Apparently Spain is dead set on completing the Reconquista and Catholic Roman controlled Cordoba isn't good enough.

She's very stubborn and refuses negotiations even after I retake Tarragona and pillage the heck out of her land.

Only after taking her capital and forcing her to relocate her palace to Santiago does she surrender.

I was going to liberate Cordoba anyway She is now a vassal with France as the "Province of Hispania".

Islam has been thoroughly BTFO. There are no more muslim states in the world. The Moors are dead and the Arabians collapsed when Turks took Mecca. We now control from the Strait of Gibraltar to the Sudan and Iraq, with two vassal provinces.

We're Solid stability but getting a little too big for our britches and risking a correction. Fortunately I have a couple Great People I've been sitting on who can trigger another Golden Age should it be necessary.

Other rising threats are coming - I think the northern Italian city states are going to attempt to split off around 1100AD, and the Ottoman Empire is going to reconquer all my middle eastern gainz around the 1200s.

We already have technology to start exploring the New World but the Aztecs haven't even been born yet. That will have to wait until 1300~. I want Roman conquistadors

Part 6

Trump will be sentenced on the 10th.

He's guilty of 34 counts of falsifying business records. Those are class E nonviolent felonies in which carry a maximum penalty of 4 years in jail.

So make your bets:

Enter BetDrumpf will be sentenced to jail time. Lock him up! - 7 bets

Enter BetNo jail time, but total fines in excess of two million dollars. - 72 bets

Enter BetProbation (since he's a first time offender) - 25 bets

Enter BetSome other slap on the wrist, like a chump change fine or something, idk. - 339 bets - WINNER!

Enter BetDeath penalty! Off with his head! Death death DEATH - 7 bets

!bets !project2025 closed

Top upmarseyd comment:

This admin will turn me into a west wing watching lib. wtf is this man.

An administration just made up of idiots and rage

I'm feeling most of those hostages are not even alive anymore and they don't have the logistical capacity to move around the few they have hidden in some random caves they forgot about. At least next saturday is turning out to be quite interesting.

What do you think will happen?

This reeks of "Freedom Fries."

I thought freedom fries was the dumbest thing i've ever seen out of washington... well until now. 4 more years of this BTW.

Fun fact about World War One, the US started calling Sauerkraut by the name of Liberty Cabbage. We don't have fresh ideas.

The Gulf of Liberty Cabbage

Welp, I know which name I'm going with.

I'm going with Gulf of Mexico, with Gulfy McGulfface being a close second option.

I'm in NZ. Google maps says its Gulf of Mexico (because that's its fricking name).

>Google says it will change Gulf of Mexico to 'Gulf of America' in Maps after government updates

>will change

Hopefully, it's only 4 more years.

if we're not in some kinda post apocalyptic scenario in 4 years i'll be pleasantly surprised

That's the shit that has me up all night.. Fricking lunatics have escaped the asylum again, but this time they're prepared. This ain't "Joker 2" muthafricka!

Four years, give or take a /r/collapse

This was only the first week. ugh

4 more years so far...

Yup. Just the first week. Im so sick of the darn trump show and it doesn't seem there is a way to unsubscribe, disconnect, turn the channel, unplug the tv etc. His brand of stupidity is fricking everywhere.

4? Try 8 when vance gets elected

Hopefully you'll still have a country that resembles the US in 4 years.

They ruined the Dixie Chicks' career because they spoke out. Turns out we should trust some musicians for our foreign policy.

Just because some are sometimes right doesn't mean we should generally trust musicians.

The overwhelming majority of musicians are not geopolitics experts, or at all informed on political issues.

The fact that we constantly expect celebrities to chime in on issues they have no expertise in is one of the reasons politics is so toxic and polarised today. It's contributed to the dumbing down of political discourse.

But also, being a musician does not disqualify you from having and expressing political opinions, nor does it guarantee that you are politically illiterate.

The world might be a better place if pop artists were more inclined to sing about politics than vague romantic notions.

real big "shut up and dribble" vibes coming from that dude

: Rich people are out of touch and have no idea about reality or what the common people are going through! Guillotine them all!

: Actually, more celebrities should lecture people on how to be hecking good human beans, after all they all agree with me. Tee hee!

The funny part to me is that "America" isn't even the name of our country, it's the name of the continent. We're the United States. 'Gulf of the Americas' kind of makes sense, but has nothing to do with the United States of America.

I could see that if it was the gulf of USA but Mexico is part of America

And everyone will continue to call it the Gulf of Mexico

In Florida we just call it "the gulf".

Not any more - we'll be sure to add "of Mexico" for clarity from now on.

Seems confusing. How do you know which gulf you're talking about?

What an absolutely brilliant question. Your mother must be so proud of you. Do you go poo poo on your own too? Awwwwwww.

Woosh

Awwww, not yet? You'll get there.

They are so angry they just attack each other for no reason

Everyone who matters will call it the Gulf of Mexico, at least.

I hate to break it to you but everyone matters, not just those that agree with you. That was made very evident with the election. Just because in your mind you can just tell yourself other people don't matter, they actually do. And sadly, their decisions can frick up the world for you.

I think he/she might mean those in communities that actually deal with the Gulf like those in the scientific communities, not just the average layman.

Sure, that's perfectly possible. However, that doesn't counter my point at all. The entire idea that some matter, and some don't, is how we ended up in this mess in the first place. It turns out, everyone actually does, and if you don't believe that, your world can get pretty fricked up by that disbelief.

Give up brother this place is like a blindfolded circlejerk

Leftists purity checking each other over things that aren't even disagreements

Americans don't matter to me any more.

What irrelevant country are you from?

The great thing about American exceptionalism is that it can never have any negative consequences of any kind. Good luck with that!

I will. Frick that nazi. Gulf Of Mexico.

Oh so you like deadnaming now, interesting.

PM Trudeau of Canada should issue an order renaming the USA to "South Canada". Let's see Google change it for Canadian viewing.

This is exactly the kind of high-level international trolling we need. Show Trump for the pathetic man-child that he is.

: So you guys agree that we should be same the country then!

But _I_ don't desire they use that name, and I'm American. Can we, like, petition Google to not be punks who do what the totalitarian wants?

Lmao. The Google CEO was front row at Trump's inauguration. Best of luck

Maybe constantly bitching about CEOs/rich people/important people even when they're on your side could have some unfortunate consequences?

Californian checking in. It's the Gulf of Mexico.

>Google will change

Google is the scariest of all tech companies. They are essentially our library. They have the ability to manipulate the narrative on a different level. For the vast majority they are our dictionary, our encyclopedia, our Library of Alexandria. They are THE reference for day to day life. Our last arbiter of truth.

We are already aware that weighted searches are for sale.. but them kissing the ring is scarier than social media techs doing so. By my estimation, at least.

That's why I periodically download wikipedia

"Here at Google, we deepthroat the whole boot"

Stop being anti-corporations and maybe they'll like your side too

Why do people think this ends when trump ends? It doesn't. It's being set up so it doesn't. We will get Vance, who is more cognizant and has the potential to be worse.

True but, I don't think anyone but Trump has what it takes to rile up the morons enough to get out and vote.

It's comments like this that make me think you people still do not understand the magnitude of this election.

Every single lever of power in the government that matters is now firmly controlled by people who are perfectly fine cheating in broad daylight with a violent mob to maintain that power.

They are not going to let themselves be voted out of that power.

Maybe choose an actual candidate next time instead of an identity checklist?

I think his cult followers can absolutely be manipulated, post Trump Death, into turning on themselves. I don't think they're accept the Charisma vacuum as the next leader.

I think the internal MAGA civil war will tear the movement apart.

You just have to hope that they haven't destroyed democracy too much post that point.

Like how you guys lost the election?

People want to believe that Trump is pulling the strings. They don't want to believe that there's a group of people putting EOs on his desk to sign without reading

Fricking wingcucks lmao

Now factor in the very best healthcare that money can't buy.

COVID would have killed him if he wasn't POTUS. Sad this dude keeps escaping death. It's always the evil ones that live the longest. :/

Even the best medicine can't do miracles.

Ah, frick, who am I kidding, modern medicine is a miracle. We're fricked.

[Karma] Doesn't exist.

I mean… it does. You'll see. And even if you don't believe, when bad things happen, I can assure you us real Americans will be cheering

I'm a real American too but I don't believe karma is an actual thing. If it were true, why would such monstrosities be done to innocent people over the course of history? What did they ALL do to deserve slavery/torture/murder/r*pe/genocide?

I meant real in the sense cheering for karma to happen to dotard. You are also assuming you know exactly how something you don't believe in actually works. Bold assumption

Do you know exactly how it works then?

I know what I believe, but is it what religious adherents believe? No, don't think so.

How is that any different than what I said?

Cause I think my version is real or is to me at least. You said none of it is real.

It's real to me that it doesn't exist.

Hippie with exotic beliefs meets edgy reddit atheist. The argument goes past this point btw

Regarding the BMI, I get the impression he's been taking Ozempic or something. He seems to have been slowly thinning out

Maybe but elderly people often thin out for a variety of reasons, most of which are not good.

Yeah that's usually a sign of deaths door

Drinking on an empty tummy let's gooo!

!animalposters !cats

The seal, believed to be about five or six weeks old, was found in the middle of Chapel Street near East Street. Police blocked off the area to keep it safe until the DEEP and Mystic Aquarium arrived.

"It definitely was concerning for us when we say he was amidst all that hustle and bustle of the city," said animal rescue technician Francesca Battaglia.

Battaglia said this wasn't the first time the aquarium's animal rescue team had seen the seal. He was in Branford last week, and on Saturday, he was spotted – maybe more fitting – next to Shell & Bones Oyster Bar and Grill on South Water Street in New Haven.

"We're like, he's still bright and alert and looking good," she said. "Maybe we can just relocate him to a safe beach, and so our team did do that. But then, unfortunately, the next day, he showed back up in the middle of the city there."

FREE HIM

The followup:

https://old.reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/1ij2pq9/time_stamp_vol_2_more_context/

/u/No_Excitement5215, you were fired for being a peepee, not for being late. I've done this too with people. It's way easier to fire you on a technicality than to go through the rigamarole of HR bs. Your former coworkers are probably thrilled you're gone. I feel bad for your preggo gf. Judging by your posts, you're going to split the second she shits that thing out.

Almost as if it isn't actually child safety that they care about

!poll_voters !male feminists

Giga - 16 votes

- 24 votes

- 12 votes

The younger brother told investigators that he would see the teacher and his brother "exiting the 1st-floor bathroom together, both wearing towels and wet."

The sister told detectives that the children would sleep in a shared room on the second floor but frequently noticed her brother would not be in his bed the next morning and would instead be sleeping in Caron's bed with her – the victims' younger brother, who was eight years old when he started living with the teacher, also said the same in a statement to law enforcement two days later.

One night while the younger brother was supposed to be sleeping, he told police he witnessed Caron, then 26, molest his brother, 11, while they were on a reclining chair watching a movie with a blanket over them.

In 2019, following the birth of the child, the victim began permanently sleeping in Caron's room and started to keep clothes in her dresser, according to the younger brother to police.

According to the criminal complaint, the crimes were first raised to police following a darning Facebook post by the victims' father who called out the uncanny resemblance of Caron's son to his son on December 12, 2024.

This prompted Kanye to catch a flight to go check on him. Lmfao.

!r-slurs !BIPOCs !chuds

Jeez Louise, 4 hours of white men dominating the minds of asian women. @BWC get in here, this is it. It's time for a ricebunny copypasta to be created.

!chuds !coomers !weebs

Whoever chose the title was doing a bit of trolling

Concord and implacability, name a more iconic duo

Episode opens with shitty pirate accent voice about Concord's lore. FTL travel exists but randomly kills people sometimes

TFW traveling through the limitless reaches of space at hyperlight speeds but you get sniped by a screw

Scene cuts to random woman(?) bound up

Dollar store Thanos confirms that the protag is a foid. Apparently she has some special chip that Thanos wants to extract.

We cut to a new character

He seems to be working with a grumpy

The two men spring into action, opening a door containing the Black lady. , , and a doctor all spring into action. They free the woman, smash a window, and try ziplining away. Thanos cuts the zipline Lots of MCU-style quips

There was also this character distracting some guards in the background. Apparently another member of the crew

The teletubby starts blasting Thanos with its finger guns. Teletubby gets shot in the head, but is revealed to be a talking fish.

Some trash mobs swarm the crew, I guess they're looking to another crew member for backup. "They say Julius is amazing. Always on, always ready..."

He wasn't actually ready lmfao!!!! Typical worthless tbh .

Sniper tells him they need to go so he closes the ramp and starts to leave . The rest of the crew make it half a second before the ship launches. The Captain(?) isn't seen reaching the ship. They bicker for a while, until a scary guard enters the room holding them at gunpoint. Surprise, it's actually the Black woman captain!!!

They for a bit about whether or not the captain has secured the valuable route through space. She did . Apparently the chip she had in her arm grants access to every single guild navigation route.

Cuts to the guild attacking the ship. The ship loses all of its fins(??) that allow it to steer. Julius starts to so takes back over on the ship.

Somehow, everyone randomly starts passing out

But wait! Julius is shown wearing a gas mask and walking away with a smug look. Is the blond white male a traitor?

Cut to waking up from the knockout gas. Julius and Thanos are chatting on Zoom. Thanos wants the chip and and promises to leave the rest of the crew alone. Surprisingly, the crew seems cool with this and asks for a bounty. The bounty is large

12,500,000 MONEYS!?!?!

gets up and challenges Julius to tie her down . He gets nervous and unfastens to back him up. But SURPRISE! is still loyal to the captain! He opens the airlock, killing Julius and nobody else.

gives a hand.

This gives an idea. She uploads the chip and its trade routes to the galactic internet

Thanos rages, the crew accelerate forward with their ship, heading straight into the big scary storm foreshadowed earlier.

There's a gay slowmo montage of them all nodding at each other as purple storm magic swirls around them. The bartender who has been telling this whole story reveals that they may have survived, because he has the funko pop that they brought onto that ship.

Final Rating: 3/10 . ChatGPT writes Guardians of the Galaxy fanfiction. I shouldn't have wasted my time watching and reviewing this garbage. I hope this post is long enough to count as an effortpost, but if it isn't, the least you can do is upmarsey me or donate some dramacoin for going to all this trouble and saving you from having to watch this terrible episode. Thanks!

!! https://t.co/FR3wAHYWeF

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 2, 2025

Th-Th... That's all, folks!

lmao, gay guys know how to have fun. Literally this is ehy the fertitlity rate keeps dropping in western society

@butthole's comment reminded me of this gem I read today !foidmoment

ofcourse they say its a !moidmoment and a mans fault