Original Post recovered with rareddit Nov 27, 2023

Throwaway, even though I'm absolutely certain my husband would figure out it's about us if he ever came across this post.

Also, before I get started, I am NOT interested in leaving my marriage. Our relationship is otherwise loving, respectful, kind, and balanced.

Now to the story:

This turned into a lonnnnnng diary-like post. My apologies for the length.

Me, F35. Him, M37. Married 16 years.

We had a threesome. Two, actually, with the same person. I set it up. It's always been a fantasy of his, and although I was on the fence, there were things I wanted to explore, too. We lost our virginity to each other, so our outside experience was very limited

I went on my first "solo" vacation earlier this year. I don't know if it was the whole "absence make the heart grow fonder" or what, but my husband and I were like horny teenagers again when I got back. That's when the whole threesome thing really took off.

I set up the dating apps. I wrote what we were looking for. I initiated all conversations. Once I confirmed our match was 100% on board, he joined the chat. He let me lead, because in his words, he was happy either way. I've always been bi-curious, and he's fantasized about threesomes. Seemed like the only way to flesh it out.

We met a few women in person. Our approach was conservative: talk, go on a date, go from there. Everyone was great about discussing boundaries, and I felt safe. We chose one woman, because I didn't want to manage multiple "external" partners.

The first encounter was great, mostly for them. There was equal attention between all parties, but I was extremely nervous and uncomfortable. Nothing felt enjoyable to me, but they both came, and my husband and I went home. He was very affectionate and encouraging. I chalked my discomfort up to first time jitters.

The second encounter was two rounds.

The initial date was amazing. Dinner, sightseeing, drinks, great conversation. I legitimately like her.

Round one: I was more open. But still nervous. I realized then that I wanted to experience a woman on my own, not with an audience (my husband). I felt awkward and inexperienced and embarrassed. They again got along well. Great chemistry. He finished in me, and she and I took a shower together. If the night had stopped here, everything would have been fine.

Round two is what broke me. It was late. We were all staying in the hotel this time. The three of us, in a king size bed. I didn't want to sleep next to her, so my husband was in the middle. At some point, when I was mostly asleep, I could tell they were messing around, just the two of them. I FROZE. This was a boundary that he knew about, but I didn't discuss with her because I trusted him. ("I don't want to wake up to you two messing around.") He asked my "permission" to have s*x with her. I should have said anything other than "sure", but I was legitimately frozen. I don't know how else to describe it. Couldn't move, couldn't speak. Paralyzed by something - I still don't know what. I was lying on my stomach at the edge of the bed while they fricked. I could see their shadows on the wall. I heard everything. She said I was a lucky woman as she came a third time (something I've never been able to do). He finished.

It made me sick. Right there. I finally got my senses back and ran to the bathroom and was sick. She offered to leave (I'm sure it was awkward), but I asked her to stay. We gave her a ride home in the morning. Hugged goodbye. On the ride back home, my husband and I talked. He made a comment about how the second round was good for his ego - he's lucky if I come at all, let alone multiple times.

I SOBBED for hours after we got home. I don't know why it hurt so much. My husband was gentle and kind to me after. Apologized repeatedly for violating the boundary, and for the "ego" comment. It broke me deeply, but I felt there was nothing to forgive. I set myself up for this.

She ended things a couple weeks later. She said I wasn't ready, and she's right.

It's been about four months since the incident I call "Round 2". I canNOT let it go. How can I measure up to that? How can he be satisfied with me anymore?

He has reassured me whenever I've brought it up. Which was only a couple times, because I don't want to burden him with this. It messed me up to the point where I have almost no s*x drive, and I'm numb when he's inside me. I miss our s*x life...

How do I move on from this experience?

TLDR: we had a threesome, that was more like a twosome, and I can't get over the hurt.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION FROM OOP

Comment Here

Last night:

More of the same. He does seem genuinely remorseful. He apologized again, but doesn't know how to make it right. I'm not entirely sure, either. I did say he needs to seek me out more. A lot of the affection in our relationship is one-sided: I seek him for hugs, handholding, quality time, etc. He reciprocates, but rarely initiates.

What I'd really like to hear is, "I cheated". I want him to own it full-on. I gave him about 15min to read the post and top comments, and asked if he noticed a theme. Crazy how it took a boatload of internet strangers to help confirm what I knew, but couldn't admit. But I still don't think he grasps the gravity of it.

Today is a little different. This was all over text.

He threw the shower thing back in my face, even though there are texts well beforehand saying he was ok with she and I having some alone time, as long as he was in the room. And he also watched.

He also reminded me that I said "ok" when he asked permission. I saw red and sent a barrage of angry messages. No name-calling. Just a lot of f-bombs about violated boundaries, lack of awareness, and overall selfishness. He hasn't replied yet.

I'm not innocent in this. I really, truly acknowledge that.And like I said, if we had ended the evening after Round 1 and the shower, I'd still be completely interested on more threesomes. But I saw the side of him that couldn't give two shits about me when he has something to gain, all while I'm in an incredibly vulnerable place - a place where he should encourage, protect, and advocate. So heck no, not giving him that opportunity again.

I know my marriage will never be the same. Maybe in the long run, that's a good thing.

Update Dec 10, 2023

I deleted my original post, but I'm sure it lives on somewhere...

Long story short, I came to Reddit two weeks ago to hash out some feelings I had following our second FFM threesome (July 2023). My husband broke a boundary by having a "twosome" with the other woman that started while I was sleeping. It felt like infidelity right in front of my face.

Thousands of people reacted to the post, most stating that his actions were cheating. Another large portion believed I gave consent, because my husband asked my "permission" and I froze and did not say "no". Many people called me stupid. I can understand all perspectives.

I agree, it was cheating. You don't ask to change a boundary in the act of breaking it. He understands that now - hindsight is 20/20. While I disagree with him believing he had consent, I forgive him. He has since genuinely apologized and is remorseful. I agree that a threesome was stupid for us to do, and that none of us three was ready for a threesome. I lack a spine, and they lack impulse control.

In my original post, I said our marriage was otherwise good. I really truly mean that. We are not perfect, but our relationship was respectful, kind, loving, and balanced. We discussed a threesome for months, going over feelings and potential negative outcomes, but felt the benefit outweighed the risk. Stupid, I know. Again, hindsight is 20/20.

I spoke with a marriage counselor. I explained how I feel traumatized, how my body doesn't respond to my husband since that night, and how I desperately want to stay and leave at the same time. I started looking at apartments and embraced the thought of having space to heal, but my heart was breaking, too.

In a nutshell, the counselor said leaving is the easy thing to do. She didn't blame me for wanting to walk away. The pain is real and living like this is hard. The harder thing would be to stay and work to repair the damage, and rebuild the trust that we had for so many years.

I am going to lose a TON of karma for saying this.... but I choose to stay and rebuild. My marriage is worth saving, and my opinion matters more than the words of strangers. I will continue individual therapy, and we will see a marriage counselor.

And no more threesomes. What a sh*tshow.

TLDR. I'm staying.

💀WARNING: DEATH💀

A Peruvian Witch attempts to use her powers to stop a landslide. Caught on tape by American tourists. pic.twitter.com/KljUSxANuw

— VITO (@VitoComedy) January 4, 2024

Boyfriend says hes asexual but is fine with Blowjobs

My (22F) Boyfriend (27M) claims hes asexual. I know this sounds toxic but listen: at the start of our relationship (4 years ago) he was VERY sexual. Since i am too i didnt mind. It was when it slowly started to decline that i did start to mind. The s*x got less and less, only one thing stayed which were the bjs. Whenever i actually wanted s*x and/or get off too he declined or redacted himself. I could get him off and ask him if he could do the same for me he was like "oh uhm idk". What also doesnt help is that he kept flirting online and rping s*x with his friends online behind my back. When i found out and said that i wasnt okay with this he didnt stop and tried to keep pushing boundaries saying that it wasnt real and that he was only attracted to the friends online characters. My sexuality stayed the same and now i feel like my feels arent being met and that it wasnt fair that he was only interested in bjs. I am not sure what to do since he also stopped cuddling and is generally not very affectionate anymore. He also often gets amgry at me out of nowhere. Is our relationship falling apart or should i still try to save it? I cant and dont want to force him to have s*x so i dont push him but i cant force myself to not want to have s*x. An open/nonmonogamous relationship wont work. I do love him and he says he loves me and i dont want our relationship to end but i am unhappy. Is there something i/he can try/do?

Tldr: boyfriend says hes asexual but wants BJs and kept flirting with friends online

Women legally being able to say no, is what has “destroyed” dating, marriage, and child birth rates. Women’s power to opt out has shook society to its core. That’s why they’re working to take our right to say no away.

— Cindy Noir✨ (@thecindynoir) December 28, 2023

There's not even any blue checkmarks delivering snappy replies. Just a homogenous crowd of yasses.

You could say they were molested as children but that hardly seems plausible. Were all 43k of them molested?

Apparently she thought he was great but then found out he lied about having a dog, it was really his roommate's. Now she's into the roommate.

The thread is all "yeah girl that's a red flag" but was she planning on dating the dude or his dog?

It was funny tho

Headline

CNN: Melissa Hoskins: Two-time Olympic cyclist dies aged 32 after being hit by car

Oh no what a tragedy.

"Police will claim Hoskins jumped onto the bonnet of their $70,000 4WD Volkswagen Amarok ute and grabbed at a door handle while Dennis allegedly drove until she fell to the ground, The Adelaide Advertiser reports."

Headline's leaving out a rather important fact. "A statement released by South Australian Police on Sunday said that a 32-year-old woman had died after being a hit by a car driven by a man “known to the woman,” in Adelaide, Australia. Local media named the woman as Hoskins."

I think VW would be pleased to see that you've already forgotten how they programmed their diesel engines to have a special mode just to cheat on emissions testing. That's about 11 million vehicles that were polluting far above government standards.

Sounds like a roaring fight, he goes to leave, she tries to stop him, he perseveres and she gets killed in the process with both to blame. Total speculation on my part, but I guess I think of it because my parents had a fight like this once with my brother and me in the car. My dad was storming off with us, my mom came after him screaming hysterically, my dad just kept driving as my mom grabbed onto the door, and my dad ran over her foot.

Are both really to blame? Hitting someone with your car is likely to kill them, and you have to willingly put your foot on the pedal with them in the way.

Imagine saying that if she was driving the car, escaping an enraged husband.

Somehow this is downmarseyd

It sure sounds like the woman was murdered by her husband. However, the title and the article use flowery vague language to describe it.

Nuts how?? Can you please give me concrete examples how Biden is defending democracy as opposed to clinging onto power to carry out genocide?? https://t.co/527K0zEr8c

— END ALL COLONIALISM, FREE PALESTINE (@BreeNewsome) December 28, 2023

Guy in the gym presses me for wearing painted paints… 🤬 pic.twitter.com/3w85pCEEfv

— natalie reynolds (@onlynatreynolds) December 27, 2023

Only comments I've seen defending her have their onlyfans linked in their bio.

https://x.com/onlynatreynolds/status/1740078246203453481

A nice attempt at a defense but he's clearly wearing pants. After that, she goes for a Hail Mary which unfortunately doesn't quite make it.

https://x.com/onlynatreynolds/status/1740361987165696173

Refusing to take the L, she pivots.

https://x.com/onlynatreynolds/status/1740362872599822813

SSRIs are bad not bc they make women asexual or into girlbosses but bc hot women are even hotter when they’re despondent and ill-suited to cope with basic life tasks

— Catherine (@jardinsecret888) December 27, 2023

This is for the confession thread anon. I'm clearing Frozen's name this is a pure unadulterated drunk idiot opinion. I'm no coward!!!!!!

I think thegrillcast is a glorified bandkid with unrestricted internet access. His voice sounds like t-poses and mlg airhorns and his psuedo-journ*lism makes him no better than the lamoids he platforms. He is genuinely r-slurred and extremely annoying and makes me actually angry. He is revolting and fat and I wish he would log off. Signed, drunk pillowprincess.

I rly am drunk but I meant this. Also I'm at a musician's open mic and why do musicians always out lol

fresh orange site discussion: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=38782475

>The most common thing I've heard is to ask them to explain, like you don't understand.

couple years ago I was at the work xmas party and made a joke about a foid (pretty classic dumb blonde joke) while drunk, two of the foids from a country office got offended and said 'please explain, I don't get the joke'.

I just looked at the blonde one and said 'wow, you really didn't get it?' and laughed cattily

she was so mad

>“That's gross dude.”

>Or if you really want to hit the bullseye:

>“You sound like an unfrickable incel right now”

literally the only thing women can say 'u r virgin'.

>You're doing a duty beyond what's beneficial for just you directly and that's important. I'd encourage you to read feminist books or follow instagram accounts like woke scientist to gain a sense of not being alone.

>“Yikes”

this poor kid is gonna end up the r-slur at the bottom of the totem pole, constantly simping out to try and make women like him while they frick his friends. in the end he'll probably become a bitter redpiller at like 28

!foidmoment

But, in trying to fake it till she made it, Lissette ended up in $10,000 worth of credit card debt - with only a relatively modest, and barely revenue-generating, following of 10,000 on Instagram to show for it.

if she gets one dollar from each follower she can be out of debt!

'It's like, "Oh, I have things going on every day, don't you see?"' she explained of the mindset.

just lie like a normal person

What's more, according to documents reviewed by Fortune, the brand-consulting business Lissette has built around her own online presence took in $525,000 in 2022, with little under a quarter of that coming from content creation specifically.

plot twist: she wins!

she even has a https://www.linkedin.com/in/lissettecalveiro

people of influence how we feeling?

QUEEN!!! you're beautiful AND confident. unlock your inner social media GODDESS with a 90 minute 1:1 session

PERSONALLY i wouldn't give my money to a foid who went into debt for 10k followers but there's a whole lot of suckas in the world

Morally woman's behavior towards Gaza perfectly matches with the morality they grew up with.

They can relate to Gaza.

"Reeeeee you cannot hit a woman back harder than she hit you REEEEEEE!"

"Maybe don't be r-slurred enough to attack someone three times your size?"

"REEEEEEEE patriarchy, missesjonies, hate crime, victim blaming!"

"Reeeeee you cannot decimate Gaza they only killed a few hundred Israeli's!"

"Maybe don't be r-slurred enough to attack the country that has already beaten your butt multiple times over and you have zero chance of defeating this time either?"

"REEEEEEEEEE human rights abuse, warcrimes, destruction of property, hate crime, victim blaming!"

"You know if we ever won and you came here we will throw you off the roof after raping you right?"

"It's okay. All the fricked up things you will ever do are excusable because the world made you this way and you are the poor little guy, the victim in this story."

"You do know just because you were upset at the breakup doesn't make it okay to key his car and try to shoot him right?"

"It's okay. All the fricked up things I have ever done are excusable because the patriarchy and abuse made me this way and I am just a poor little girl, the victim in this story."

It's the same logic taken from gender to the nation state.

So either we have to admit that women's rights in the current generation are r-slurred, or we have to admit that gaza is in the right and doesn't deserve to be bombed in the present scenario.

Or you can practice deeper nuance than that. But where is the fun in that.

Meta NB: I know it's Christmas, I'm going to touch grass in 55 minutes or so I promise