Lost friendship over... not leaving my husband?

ETA: I do not consent to this appearing outside of this post in any articles or other forms of media.

TLDR: I tried to vent about a bad day with a friend and she decided to throw every complaint I've ever had back at me and demand that I give her space until I leave my husband because he's a very typical husband of this time.

Let me preface this with my story about last Friday. Last week I had a no good rotten day. I had an appt to get my hair done for the first time in 5 years and was going to have to take my 6 yo with me because school was out that day. As soon as I'm leaving town to be just on time to my appt, my 3 yo daycare calls and they didn't know if she's sick or not and want me to do something. So I show up and decide to take her with me even though she's obviously not sick to minimize any issues and get in some much needed self care. I message my hairdresser, but since now I'm running late she can't take me. I big cried the whole way home because I was so disappointed that I tried to do all those things they talk about and life just thwarted me. It sucked. I was also PMSing, so I moped the rest of the day.

Here's the part that got really shitty:

I messaged an old friend that I talk to every week or so and we complain about general life shit together. She's chronically ill with no kids and I deal with all the same stuff posted here constantly. We vent and offer advice, chat about other stuff, and whatever else. I try to not focus on the negative, but I think that's our dynamic. She never seemed to want to hear the good things as loudly as the complaints.

So, I vented about my no good very bad day and she laid into me unexpectedly about me playing into the patriarchy because I waited 5 years to decide to start doing my hair again (I think?) and basically that she thinks I'm a doormat to my husband because he doesn't pull his fair share with chores (it's a work in progress, and definitely had improved over our relationship), because he doesn't make as much money as I do, etc. I do too much.

Now, didn't get me wrong, I complain about the chores and shit that always needs to be done, probably too much to everyone, but I brag about him too. He's the nicest person I've ever met. He's a wonderful father that really takes 50% of the kid duties, loves me and says it often, thanks me often for things I do that are just regular mom things, s*x is great, I could go on. He's my person.

So anyways, I thought she was a safe space to complain about motherhood and life because that had been our relationship, but she laid into me and read me the riot act dredging up anything I had ever mentioned that was less than stellar, ignoring any good things. I set a boundary that I was getting frustrated and angry about this conversation and needed to step away, since I wasn't feeling heard about the one bad day I wanted to talk about, but she told me I deserved to be pissed and kept going.

I told her that if I wanted to talk about my bad day and have someone rant at me with all the things they think are wrong with my life, I would have called my mom and left it at that for a week.

This week I decided to check in, because I figured whatever happened that caused her rant was a her problem and given the space of a week we could talk and I could apologize for trying to be purposely hurtful and we could maybe have an adult conversation and set some boundaries moving forward to maybe lighten up our dynamic since it seemed to be in some terrible spiral.

Nope.

I got a book for a reply, which from the selected lines I skimmed, doubled down on me being a doormat, accused me of giving her PTSD, and accused me of constantly whining and refusing to do anything about it (maybe fair criticism for her point of view, she doesn't see the daily work and if I mentioned it, it was often overshadowed by her own complaining about life and her advice is often ultimatums and drastic choices that do not make a healthy marriage). The last line was basically to "give her fricking space" until I'm ready to leave my relationship and she unfriended me.

I'm just shocked that someone I've been friends with for almost 20 years would lay into me and throw away our friendship because I didn't take her terrible advice and tear apart my family because I have the same mental load problems that most moms have.

And her marriage isn't perfect, her husband tried to frick me when I was in college (he was 30+ at the time) and we had to sort that all out as adults and were still friends after.

Writing this out I can see how this became an unhealthy dynamic between us in the last year or so and so I'm less surprised.

https://twitter.com/OliLondonTV/status/1786538663695835630

18 yrs ago I met my wife, 13 yrs later I lost her.

3 yrs ago I got her back and built @HostageTape into an 8 figure business. (#Thread 🧵) pic.twitter.com/I59pbp7Az6

— Alex Neist (@AlexNeist) May 3, 2024

People who own dishwashers in India, what’s your personal experience like? Is it worth investing?

— Sreya (@darthdevi) May 3, 2024

You can take the redditor out of reddit etc. You all are so fricking neurodivergent.

Broke up with a girl yesterday and already set up a date with another qt today. This shit is great

@Dahl_Fook

Lemmygrad.ml is communist lemmy. Lemmy is like reddit but federated. It's pretty popular, with the top posts getting above 1k upvotes.

Here are things you can do on Lemmygrad:

1. Look at the latest and greatest communist memes

Wait is North Korea communist too??? someone help me out here

2. learn all about praxis

3. learn all about theory

A lot of times communists compare theory and praxis. Theory is when you about communism. Praxis is the communist word for touching grass communistically to further communism.

lemmygrad has nice sidebar links to stuff that can help you learn about communism: https://prolewiki.org/

I turn this theory into the praxis of making sure I am well rested!

and yes, going to the bar can be good praxis as long as your comrades are there and you are building comradeship in pursuit of true communism

4. read their hillarious public modlog

https://lemmygrad.ml/modlog

This is the infinite drama fountain I spoke of, but it has a limitation It seems to only show the content of a removed comment for 24hrs:

This is why it's an infinite drama fountain and not a drama river

too bad, it would have been funny to keep reading all these