I really, really, REAAALLY wanna drink right now, but I have a super promising date tomorrow, so I can't

But I'm defo going to the casino and getting fricking wasted after the date, regardless of how it goes (It's just our first date)

Are you drinking, frens?

!metashit :D

Current HP: 117/120

Current Mana: 160/180

Inventory:

• 1 Cookie

• 5 Marleycoins

More wholesome reddit parenting stories:

I wanna see videos of people who have used the hair dye I'm interested in

This post isn't meant to really get into the personal details of me dealing with intestinal candida (it sucked), but instead to serve as a good starting point for anyone also dealing with this or anything similar. Mainly this is because all the information that's easy to find is absolute dogshit and filled with terrible advice. All the actually correct info is buried in studies and guesswork. So this post serves to act as a nice handy collection of my personal findings and the sources that helped me.

First is finding out if you even have candida/SIFO, SIBO, gluten intolerance/celiac disease (if you get tested for this, make sure to have gluten for a few days before the test to avoid false negatives), and/or something else entirely. My symptoms included dry flakey skin on the face, sand like stool with white transparent pieces alongside it, a toenail infection that appeared from nowhere, and symptoms that got worse with whole grains compared to processed grains (whole wheat flour bothered me a lot more than white wheat flour).

It is worth keeping in mind that there are no reliable tests for this or similar ailments, so knowing exactly what you have is hard to pin down. Thankfully many of the long term fixes are the same, with only some stuff needing to be altered. The general rule of thumb is to introduce things one at a time and remove them if they start to bother you, this includes things like supplements as well as food.

I would also caution against prescribed solutions; they don't fix the underlying cause of your issues. All they do is buy time, and tax your liver in the process. Of course I don't think they are never helpful, just don't use them as your first option. The ones I tested are terbinafine (needed more than the 3 months prescribed, somewhat useful), itraconazole (made things much worse, avoid), fluconazole (slightly useful, didn't do much), and nystatin (safest and weakest of the ones I took, but by the time I was taking this things had progressed far enough that it wasn't effective. Do make sure to avoid the liquid solution though, it has sugar alcohol which will just make things worse).

With all that being said, here is a tier list of a bunch of things I tried with an explanation of why it helped/didn't help/made things worse. You will notice I list brands; this is not because I am a shill, but because the brand you buy does make a huge difference with all this. Sometimes I would try the same type of product from many brands, but one or two would perform noticeably worse.

God Tier

Member's Mark Organic Virgin Coconut Oil ()

Despite what my title says, if there is only one thing you add, make it coconut oil. Coconut oil has had by far the biggest impact on my recovery, and it's not even close. This is because coconut oil has saturated fatty acids that are excellent for killing bad stuff in your gut. The 2 most studied acids are C12 (lauric acid) and C8 (caprylic acid), however it is likely the other acids are also helping. All these saturated acids combined have 3 important abilities; they strip the biofilm from candida (this is what candida uses to make itself resistant to traditional antifungals, making coconut have strong synergy with other antifungals), they directly kill the candida, and they feed good bacteria to fill the void dead candida leaves behind (this ensures the candida has a harder time reestablishing itself). The only real downside is eating coconut oil (preferably room temp to ensure the acids don't break down) is nauseating and vile, thankfully the next item solves that issue.

Swanson EFAs Coconut Oil Made with Certified Organic Coconut Oil

Is this as potent as eating coconut oil straight? No. However it goes down a lot easier so is what I'd recommend you use if you don't find eating coconut oil enjoyable. I take 2 of these a day with good results, you can take more or less but I found that to be a good sweet spot.

Silk Organic Unsweet Soymilk ()

Soymilk has gotten a bad rep, mainly because the people who drink it look more like and less like . However this is undeserved imo, the belief that it negatively affects testosterone was debunked and it has a lot of benefits. Unlike basically every other plant-based milk, this one is high in protein making it good for keeping calorie intake high (hard to do when dealing with candida).

When it comes to candida specifically, I find that this specific brand of soymilk does suppress candida unlike most other milks I tried. I believe this is because this soymilk has gellan gum whereas other milks do not. I do believe the soy itself is helping though, as when I combine this brand of soymilk with soy protein powder (listed below) the candida killing ability is amplified. I believe this is because gellan gum acts as a carrier that helps the soy reach the small intestine intact, whereas other sources of soy without gellan gum breakdown before they can reach the small intestine. Since gellan gum is kinda a pain to find by itself (and even more of a pain to work worth), I suggest just buying this soymilk instead. I also find that things like coconut and ginger are more effective when I take them with this soy milk, again I'll assume the gellan gum is responsible. I try and have around 2-3 cups a day, preferably with my coconut and ginger.

365 by Whole Foods Market Unsweetened Original Soymilk

This is the only other brand of soymilk I could find with gellan gum, and sure enough this one also works great (though not quite as effective as the Silk). I find this brand also tastes better and is much cheaper than the Silk brand. So why do I not recommend this one? Because shopping at Whole Foods makes me want to . By all means though, if you live near a Whole Foods and don't hate shopping there (I don't know if I should envy or pity you), buy this brand of soymilk instead.

Swanson Premium Full Spectrum Ginger Root

When dealing with candida, you will probably find yourself dealing with bloating and general stomach upset. Ginger is godsend for dealing with this, as taking some throughout the day helps alleviate the bulk of these symptoms. This ginger root isn't very strong, but it's cheap as chips, so even taking twice as many compared to other brands you'll still come out ahead. I find taking 3-4 a day works for me, though this is something you can easily test yourself.

Swanson Premium Vitamin D3 - Highest Potency ( vitamin D levels have fallen, billions of IU must be absorbed)

Candida really hurts your Vitamin D absorption capabilities, or maybe having trouble absorbing vitamin D causes candida, or maybe both, hard to say. A study (link below) shows that the RDA for Vitamin D isn't high enough for many people. So adding a vitamin D supplement is worth considering. I personally found it had a massive benefit to me, especially when I started talking more than the RDA (I originally took 2000 IU a day). I take 10000 IU a day, which is an insanely high number that you almost certainly don't need (however I do, even 8000 wasn't enough). Start small, and increase by a little (2000 IU increments) as needed. If you can get frequent blood tests to track your vitamin D levels as you increase the dosage, even better.

Swanson EFAs High Concentrate Omega-3 - Mini Softgels ()

Most people are not getting enough omega 3s, however this isn't caused by just diet. People's ability to convert fatty acids into each other (and the efficiency they do it) seems to be dependent on genetics. Through trial and error, I found that my ability to convert ALA into DHA is remarkably poor, so even though I had a good amount of ALA in my diet the lack of direct sources of DHA became a problem. This most likely negatively reduced my testosterone levels and thus hurt my body's ability to regulate the candida in my gut. Unless you are eating omega 3 rich seafood frequently (you probably aren't), I suggest taking an omega 3 supplement. This one is derived from Alaska pollock, which has much more DHA than EPA. However, you probably want a supplement that is more balanced, so you probably want to take a supplement that uses anchovy, sardine, mackerel, and or krill. Try different kinds of omega 3 supplements and see what works for you, this one requires more trial and error than most supplements I've found. I take 3 of these a day, which is a lot, but necessary with how little DHA my body seems to be able to make naturally. Do keep in mind to not take more than 2g total of fish oil a day, as that can cause digestive issues.

Useful

STRAGE (pronounced fa-yeh, not straggy ) Total 5% Yogurt

Adding yogurt to your diet once you start to recover (don't take it until you see an upward trend, the sugars can cause issues) is a good idea. It's not necessary, but I find eating some yogurt every other day helps keep things regular. STRAGE yogurt is one of the best, and it's cheap. It seems that however they make the yogurt seems to keep more of the cultures alive than other brands, which is ideal. STRAGE also makes some of the best tasting yogurt in the budget segment, which is nice.

STRAGE BestSelf Lactose Free Plain Low-Fat Greek Yogurt

If you cannot have lactose for whatever reason () this is a great yogurt to have. I find it's not quite as powerful as the regular STRAGE (maybe because it doesn't have the parchment to keep the yogurt moist?) but when the alternative is nothing, this yogurt will do.

MYPROTEIN - MYVEGAN Pea Protein Isolate Powder

Pea protein tastes like shit, it is by far the worst tasting protein powder (with only hemp protein being close). However it seems to do a good job at managing candida, most likely due to the same compounds that make peas green. If you can stomach the stuff, this is worth adding to your diet. Do be mindful that it's high in iron, which might be a bad thing depending on what your iron levels are and what else you eat. I eat 13g of this a day in a smoothie (recipe listed below).

Spinach (and all other dark leafy greens)

Spinach has the same candida fighting powers as pea protein does, and is much more palatable. I suggest eating it raw, as that preserves the most amount of the candida fighting compounds. Just like pea protein, spinach and other dark leafy greens are high in iron, be careful. I eat 50g of this a day in a smoothie (recipe listed below).

Swanson Ultra Goat Whey Protein Concentrate Powder - Pasture Fed

Goat whey is shockingly awesome. It tastes great, is easier on the stomach than cow whey, and has good candida fighting power. The only real downside is price and shelf life, I suggest signing up for Swanson emails and waiting for a good discount (more than 30% off) to buy. Don't stock up, as this stuff has one of the shortest shelf-lifes I've seen in a protein powder. I eat 12g of this a day in a smoothie (recipe listed below).

Swanson Premium Oregano Oil 10:1 Extract

Oregano oil is one of the few recommendations the health blogs get right, it is very effective. Combine it with other candida killing stuff to prevent the candida from forming a strong biofilm. It isn't the most effective candida killer, but it certainly doesn't hurt to add to your diet, so it's an easy addition. I take one of these a day.

Nature's Way Premium Herbal Peppermint Leaf Capsules

Peppermint doesn't really do anything for SIFO, however it's great against SIBO which you might also have. SIBO also tends to emerge in those recovering from SIFO as bad bacteria fills the void the candida leaves behind. For these reasons it's worth taking some form of peppermint, just to be careful. This brand however is overpriced and not very strong, I instead recommend the next supplement.

Swanson Premium Peppermint Oil with Rosemary and Thyme - Enteric Coated

This peppermint supplement is way stronger than the Nature's Way brand one, and the enteric coating ensures it is more effective when it reaches the small intestine. I don't think the rosemary and thyme do anything, but they don't hurt either. I take 1 one of these a day.

Swanson Superior Herbs Milk Thistle - Features 80% Silymarin

This one becomes God tier if you take any of the liver taxing prescription antifungals. Your liver can get absolutely hammered by these drugs, and milk thistle is a great supplement to keep your liver working at it's best. If you don't take any prescription antifungals, the value of milk thistle is questionable, however it doesn't hurt to add. I take 1 of these a day.

Pure Encapsulations Magnesium (glycinate)

Magnesium glycinate has really only one job, make you go. When taking some antifungals, you may find yourself having trouble using the restroom, magnesium glycinate helps with this. Excess magnesium works as a laxative, so take 1 when you can't go.

Swanson Premium Activated Charcoal

Do not take these preventatively, they can mess up your gut and prevent other things from working. However these are nice to have as backup for whenever you get food poisoning. This is because getting food poisoning is a wonderful environment for candida to return, and charcoal puts a stop to that. Take 1 or 2 of these immediately after you start to feel the effects of food poisoning. The next day, take extra coconut, ginger, and probiotics (if you take any) to help your gut biome recover.

Klaire Labs SFI Health Saccharomyces Boulardii Probiotic

Saccharomyces Boulardii would be God tier, however it conflicts with almost every other thing on this list, and all those things combined are more effective than this one probiotic strain. Saccharomyces Boulardii does a great job at killing candida though, it produces C8 (caprylic) acid while it's inside your intestines, which is amazing. Saccharomyces Boulardii dies really easily though, especially to coconut. Thus it's probably best to not bother taking this, unless you have a coconut allergy (like my mom), then it's your best hope. Of all the brands of Saccharomyces Boulardii, this one is the best, both in terms of efficacy and for not having FOS/inulin/acacia gum/chicory root (this stuff feeds candida like crazy, avoid at all costs).

Meh/Mixed

Losing weight

When I first started tracking my weight when dealing with all this, I was 200 lbs. I dropped all the way to 145 lbs in just a few months (I was losing about 5 pounds a week). This did not improve or hurt my candida situation, and was entirely caused by my inability to eat any carbs during that time. I do believe it is very important to have a healthy weight, and losing the pounds absolutely helped me in other ways. However, it had literally no effect on my gut health, so don't think losing weight should be a goal when it comes to candida (especially if you are already at a healthy BMI). However, losing the weight really wasn't hard. If you are having trouble losing weight, cut all carbs from your diet (your body doesn't need carbs) and enjoy the lost pounds. If you find this too difficult, stop being a fricking baby and get it over it fatty.

MCT Oil

My initial research showed that C8 (caprylic) acid was the most important compound for killing candida, so I tried MCT oil to replace coconut oil. This didn't work, coconut oil is way more effective and it isn't even close. However it doesn't hurt to add this if you need more fat/calories in your diet, just know you should combine it with coconut oil, not replace it.

H‑E‑B 15g Protein Nonfat Greek Yogurt – Plain

I tried this yogurt alongside a bunch of yogurts, I found this one just wasn't as effective as other yogurts. Worth trying if you don't like/can't find STRAGE yogurt, but I really do suggest trying that one first.

Higher Harvest by H‑E‑B Dairy-Free Coconut-Based Yogurt – Unsweetened Plain

Just like the other HEB yogurts, this one just wasn't that effective. I assume that HEB just doesn't keep the cultures as alive as other brands like STRAGE, so it isn't as effective. Not bad by any means, just meh.

STRAGE Creamy Dreamy Cream Dessert - Stracciatella

Honestly this is here just so I can b-word about this flavor from STRAGE. This flavored yogurt has so much lemon juice (I presume for freshness) that I can't taste anything else. I'm pretty sure it has the same efficacy as the normal STRAGE (besides the fact this yogurt has added sugar), I just wanted to complain about the taste.

Boars Head Sauerkraut ()

Sauerkraut is one of those foods that food blogs and health sites often recommend. I found it did jackshit. It didn't make things worse, but with how god-awful this slop tastes, I suggest avoiding it.

NOW Foods Soy Protein Isolate - Natural Unflavored

Shockingly ineffective, I presume because the soy compounds break down before they can reach the small intestine, as this does work when combined with gellan gum soymilk. I suggest trying soymilk with gellan gum first. Only add this if you want more soy (), or you want a good complete protein powder with no sugars that isn't pea protein.

Meyenberg Goat Milk

Goat milk does work, however the insane price and the really short shelf life make adding it to your diet a huge annoyance. If you have a great source of goat milk, sure, go for it. It just isn't worth the hassle for most people though, just buy goat whey.

NOW Foods Olive Leaf Extract

I tried this, and noticed literally no difference. It might work, but I really doubt it does anything.

Swanson Superior Herbs Olive Leaf Extract

I tried this brand to see if the NOW brand one was just too weak. This one is certainly stronger, but again, it didn't do anything.

Swanson Ultra Alpha Lipoic Acid

This didn't do anything for my candida, it did make my hair have more volume () and nails stronger, which was a weird benefit. However, it didn't do anything candida related. This would probably be more effective if you don't have the same fatty acid conversion issues I have, but still, why deal with the extra step when you can just have an omega 3 supplement?

Swanson Premium Bee Propolis ()

I felt this did literally nothing. Apparently propolis only really does stuff if it's gathered from a local place so it has compounds adapted for your local climate. I have no idea if that is true, because it's shockingly hard to find local beekeepers that sell the propolis.

Swanson Premium Garlic Oil Concentrate - Triple Strength

Another product that I noticed had literally no effect.

Kirkland Signature Organic Ground Saigon Cinnamon

I noticed literally no effect when adding this to my smoothies, then I saw the consumer reports article about how cinnamon has lead and stopped taking it. I noticed no difference.

Central Market All-Natural Smooth Peanut Butter – Unsalted ( TFW Jimmy Carter Marsey)

Most food blogs and many health sites say that you should avoid peanut butter. This is bullshit and Jimmy Carter slander. Digging deeper shows that one source advised against it if you have candida because you might have a peanut allergy. I'm sorry, if you have peanut butter frequently and just now realized you have an allergy; you are a braindead r-slur. You actually probably want peanut butter, because peanut oil blocks iron absorption (good if you have a lot of food with iron like myself), peanuts are a good source of fiber (hard to get safe fiber with candida), and have a nice amount of protein. If you cannot have peanut butter, God has abandoned you, don't blame the candida.

Central Market peanut butter is my recommendation, it tastes good, has a nice amount of oil, has no fillers (frick you Skippy), and isn't expensive.

Sprouts Creamy & Unsalted Peanut Butter

Another good peanut butter if you don't live near an HEB/Central Market. Plenty of oil, no fillers, and tastes good. Do avoid the organic Sprouts peanut butter though, it tastes worse and costs more.

Swanson GreenFoods Formulas Seaweed Vegetable Complex

Another supplement that didn't seem to do anything. It also has a lot of iodine, so that could be a problem. Best to not take this one imo.

Nature Made Men's Multivitamin 50+ Tablets

It's a good idea to get a multivitamin, as your body has trouble absorbing vitamins when you have candida. Also, you will probably be avoiding food sources of some nutrients anyway, such as vitamin C/fruit. However this one just isn't very good, and is the only multivitamin I have found that goes out of stock frequently, which is kinda a pain when you should be taking this daily. I haven't tested many multivitamins, as many have CoQ10, prebiotics, whole foods (some of which feed candida), and iron, which should all be avoided if you have candida. I do have a couple I want to test, but it takes months before I feel comfortable passing judgement.

WestSoy Organic Unsweetened Plain Soymilk

This brand of soymilk doesn't have gellan gum, so it's efficacy is reduced. Shame, as this soymilk tastes way better than the Silk soymilk and is shelf stable.

Member's Mark Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk

Almond milk is a net neutral with candida. It doesn't hurt, it doesn't help. If you want a milk for smoothies and the like but can't/won't have soymilk, this is your best option. This brand isn't any better or worse than others, they are all the same as long as they are unsweetened. I recommend this one because it is really cheap, which is nice.

Blue Diamond Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla Almondmilk

Same as the Member's Mark, what brand of unsweetened almond milk you buy doesn't matter.

365 by Whole Foods Market Unsweetened Almondmilk

The best tasting almond milk I have tried, so my recommendation if cost is no object and you are fine shopping at Whole Foods.

Filtered milk

This is the only product listed here I haven't personally tested. However, if you must have cow's milk, make sure it's the reduced sugar/filtered milk. Galactose feeds candida a lot, so it's best to minimize how much milk sugar you have. Don't confuse lactose free with reduced sugar, lactose free milk merely replaces the lactose with more galactose, which is actually worse.

Bananas

Bananas are a real crapshoot; they are either a net negative or positive depending on how much candida you have in your gut. My recommendation is to avoid them until you don't see any signs of candida, then reintroduce bananas slowly.

Bad

Chobani 14g Protein Non Fat Plain Greek Yogurt

Chobani yogurt has an additional culture that most other yogurts don't have, L. Rhamnosus (). This strain seems to be a favorite for candida, and I found that candida likes to feed off of this strain. Avoid all Chobani yogurt, and not just because Chobani yogurt sucks.

Higher Harvest by H‑E‑B Dairy Free 12g Protein Yogurt – Unsweetened Plain

For whatever reason, this specific HEB yogurt gave me severe bloating. If I had to guess, I'd say it's the corn starch. Avoid.

Blueberries

This is when I realized the low FODMAP diet is bullshit, not because sugars aren't the problem (they often are), but because the source for FODMAP is a complete sham. You will often see blueberries as low FODMAP, but according to actual data, they are quite high in fructan which I'd hardly consider low FODMAP. Best to avoid fruit until you start to recover, and avoid berries most of all.

Cranberries

Despite having less fructans than blueberries, I found these had the same issues that blueberries had with functionally no difference.

Disastrous

Lactose free milk (doesn't matter what kind)

Lactose free milk is something I saw some sites recommend, and shows the person (or AI) writing that article is a moron. Lactose free milk is the single worst milk you can have. This is because galactose is one of candida's favorite sugars, and lactose free milk has a ton of galactose due to the galactase enzyme they add. This enzyme turns the lactose into additional galactose, which is horrible if you have candida.

Central Market Icelandic-Style Skyr Low-Fat Yogurt – Plain

For whatever reason, this specific yogurt gave me extreme issues. Problems literally lasted a week. Caused by the unique strains added to this yogurt that normal yogurt does not have. Avoid at all costs. I have no idea if other skyr yogurts also cause the same results, no way am I testing that though.

Levels Grass Fed Whey Protein Powder, Vanilla Bean

This cow's whey gave me a great deal of issues. I am unsure if it was the stevia, the monk fruit, the cow whey, or something else. All I know is that it gave me issues, best to avoid. I de plan to test unflavored hydrolyzed whey at some point, as it would have less milk sugars and no fillers. However hydrolyzed whey is very expensive, and I am happy with the protein powders I use already.

Anthony's Organic Pumpkin Seed Protein Powder ()

I actually have tested pumpkin seed protein and I am pretty sure it's fine. However this specific brand should be avoided at all costs. I bought some to try and it was horrid, the seeds were burnt cause it to be bitter, and it gave me mild food poisoning. I reached out to the company and they offered a refund and then ghosted me lmao. Thankfully Amazon got me my money back, but I would avoid this brand at all costs after they pulled this nonsense.

NOW Foods Betaine HCl

HCL is one of those things many sources recommend, and I have to disagree. Despite not having enough stomach acid, HCL gave me nothing but issues. It gave me nausea, and burning stool. That's not to say it can't work for some people, but I'd look at other things first and only use this if you have actually been tested for stomach acid levels and don't have enough.

Swanson EFAs Black Cumin Seed Oil

Black seed is another often recommended cure for candida. I found it made it worse, not better. However black seed did help me sleep better, so do take a look at taking some if you have insomnia.

Sadaf Black Seed | Nigella ()

Some sources say the food version of black seed is easier on the stomach so I tried some. Nah, still gave me issues, did taste nice though.

Swanson Ultra Zinc Carnosine - Featuring PepZinGI

Some say candida is caused by zinc and copper deficiency, what they don't say is that if you are not deficient taking zinc or copper will just make your candida worse. Candida uses these minerals to build biofilms, avoid.

Swanson Ultra Albion Copper

See the zinc entry above, avoid.

Florastor Probiotic

I have tried many Saccharomyces Boulardii probiotics, this is literally the only one that made things worse. They claim to use a potent patented strain, that in reality, I think is shit. They add lactose and claim they add it because it's vital for efficacy, I have a sneaking suspicion it's because the strain is so weak it would die without the sugar. Avoid, take a different Saccharomyces Boulardii probiotic if you want to go that route.

Swanson Probiotics Lactobacillus Rhamnosus with FOS

I have a feeling that Lactobacillus Rhamnosus feeds candida, I can't be 100% certain because I have really only tested 2 things with this strain, however both made my candida worse. This product also has FOS, which will make your candida worse, avoid.

NOW Foods NAC

NAC is something a lot of people recommend, however I believe recommending this is borderline negligent and potentially dangerous. NAC does work, but the side effects are too numerous to ignore. NAC causes extreme changes in mood, it causes your heart to be taxed, and seems to be potentially addictive. I took this for only 3 days and noticed these effects near immediately, and thus stopped. Concerningly, I noticed minor withdrawal symptoms after I stopped taking it. If there is only one takeaway from this post for you, it should be this: AVOID NAC AT ALL COSTS.

FOS/inulin/acacia gum/chicory root

These are found in a wide variety of products, from probiotics to protein bars, so make sure to read ingredient labels to avoid these. These are all prebiotics that feed candida and over bad stuff like crazy, if you find you can't have chicory root, this is most likely why. Make sure to avoid these, the effects don't last awhile, but they are potent.

Smoothie recipe

A smoothie is a great way to deal with candida, here is my recipe that I have modified to be as effective at suppressing candida as possible (ingredient order is the order I put them in the blender carafe, yes it matters):

50g of spinach (use a scale)

25g of protein powder (I use 13g of pea protein, and 12g of goat whey, but feel free to use whatever you like. I suggest avoiding flavored powders and incomplete proteins though.)

2 cups of soy milk that contains gellan gum (can swap for almond milk, but soy is better)

1 tbsp peanut butter (make sure it's well mixed, you want a good amount of oil, but make sure to leave some for when you get to the bottom of the container)

optional 1 banana (only add if you know fruit is fine, fruit can make candida worse at the early stages)

Blend together at a high speed (too slow and the spinach won't incorporate properly)

That's it, pretty easy and effective, take with coconut and ginger for best results.

Frequently asked questions:

Will I be able to go back to regular foods? Probably. Once I started getting my omega 3 levels up and taking coconut regularly, I was able to go back to eating like normal with only a couple exceptions. I still avoid food with FOS/inulin/acacia gum/chicory root, and I can't go crazy with carbs (150g a day is about my limit, but you shouldn't be eating more than that anyway tbh), but otherwise I am able to have food with no issues.

How long does it take to recover? Impossible to say, as it depends on what the underlying issue was. I found it took about 3 solid months after taking omega 3 for me to be able to eat normally again, and I predict it will take about 8 months for my gut and muscles to go back to normal. However, it only took about a week for all my symptoms to go away without eating carbs, so if you plan to stay keto you should recover pretty quickly.

How does one get candida? No one quite knows yet, I suspect I got mine from taking antacids for too long, being born from c-section, and not having enough omega 3s, but it's impossible to be certain. We might know in a decade or two, but it's still a mystery for now.

Why did you bother writing this? Honestly, I doubt anyone here will find this information useful, but you never know. The main reason was because all the articles and blogs talking about candida are comically wrong and I wanted to call them out. Many still tout the low FODMAP diet, probiotics, and prescription drugs, which I found made things worse, not better. If even one person finds this post helpful, mission accomplished, as even one post like this one would've saved me a year of issues.

Why do you not recommend probiotics? (This is for you, @MouthFarting). As emerging studies are starting to reveal, the bacteria and fungus (you have both, and hundreds of kinds!) in your small intestine are specifically adapted to you as an individual. What this means is that any product with probiotics you take will not be as effective compared to instead supporting what you already have, due to both decreased adaptability and variety. This is why coconut is so powerful; it kills bad stuff while also feeding good stuff at the same time. These native probiotics were given to you by your mother via natural birth and breastfeeding. This means if you were only fed formula and/or born from c-section (I was born from c-section, and always had digestive troubles even at a young age) your native gut biome is at a disadvantage and needs help. Giving probiotics to infants (Visbiome has a specific product for infants that is very promising, doesn't help us adults though lol) can prevent this, but giving them to children and adults won't work the same way. We aren't exactly sure why this is the case, but we know very little about the small intestine anyway.

What about poop transplants? (@AnnoyinTheGoyim) This is a real thing that seems to work for some patients, and do nothing for many others. The main reason seems to be, as explained above, that transplanted poop just can't adapt to the small intestine as they have an outsider's disadvantage. Theoretically a transplant from your mom might be more likely to work, but that carries all sorts of practical complications and is untested at scale. It's also worth keeping in mind that we do not know much about the small intestine, we have hundreds of strains of bacteria and fungus in our gut, but scientists still don't know just how many and we don't know most of them. This is because 99% of all the total bacteria/fungus in our small intestine are from only an estimated 40 strains, yet those remaining hundreds of strains seem to have an outsized impact. We simply do not have the cowtools to examine these strains in detail before they break down and die. There is also a deep concern that just putting things in peoples butt without knowing exactly what we are doing could create the next Ebola or aids, which is probably best avoided. So, for now poop transplants are a rare procedure used sparingly, they will most likely be replaced with a potent suppository or enteric coated oral capsule once we identify and isolate more strains.

Any other tips? Buy a food scale and bathroom scale, seriously. Keeping track of exactly what you eat and how much you weigh is super helpful, helped me a lot when testing various things. I also suggest drinking filtered water and avoiding fluoride toothpaste, new studies are showing that fluoride causes havoc on your gut, and is probably one of the main causes of candida in the US. Switching away from fluoride toothpaste helped a ton, though it took months to notice. Finally, avoid consuming tea tree oil, it's toxic, yet some toothpastes have it and some sites recommend it anyway...

Sources

Below are the various studies, sources, and papers I used to help find what items deal with candida, keep in mind that just because it is a study does not mean it is 100% accurate. However these studies do help shed a light on not just what works, but why it works.

https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/10.1161/circ.148.suppl_1.14841 good study on why current RDA for Vitamin D3 is bupkis.

https://journals.asm.org/doi/10.1128/aac.02323-19 explains why Gellan Gum might be a super useful tool for delivering stuff to the small intestine intact.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10302699/ a general-purpose study, the parts talking about omega-3, vitamin D, and vitamin E are particularly intriguing.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10113668/ a study talking about the antifungal effects of stevioside (a compound found in stevia).

https://www.niaid.nih.gov/diseases-conditions/card9-deficiency the reasons why some people develop candida and others don't is still largely unknown. However CARD9 might be one of the causes, this page is a good starting place for learning about the genetics side of things.

https://lpi.oregonstate.edu/mic/other-nutrients/essential-fatty-acids#sources in my opinion, this is the definitive resource for learning about essential fatty acids. It explains how each works, and also breaks down what foods have good amounts of each kind. Most sources only give total amounts of fatty acid, so having a source that breaks down the amounts into specifics is invaluable. The link should take you straight to the sources of fatty acids section, which is a great place to start imo.

https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/condition/familial-candidiasis/ another basic page that just explains that sometimes recurrent candida seems to be genetic, also a good starting point for learning about the genetics side of things.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8893526/ study that tested the antibacterial and antifungal abilities of 10 essential oils, useful when looking at healthcare and beauty products to buy.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9357398/ this study tested the biofilm disruption capabilities of essential fatty acids and how that compared to just using fluconazole. Really shows how important the biofilm is when it comes to killing candida.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10820302/ you might be familiar with the low FODMAP diet, this study helps show just how bullshit that diet is. Mainly because the group that lists what foods are low and high FODMAP does not provide hard data or any actual evidence that the foods they test are high/low FODMAP. Turns out a lot of that data is wrong, as this study shows. The most interesting example found in this study is that brown rice is actually higher FODMAP than any other kind of rice tested (4x more fructan than the 2nd highest rice).

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559102/ while it turned out fructose was not the issue, this study does help shine a light on how genetics plays a big factor in all of this.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9631991/ a good summary on the efficacy of fluconazole, and how the standard 3 months prescription is simply insufficient for dealing with fungus.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31215785/ another general-purpose study about candida and how diet plays a role.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10865912/ it turns out candida is a huge problem for those with artificial implants, as this article elucidates.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7161696/ a neat paper about how candida operates and a good insight into how and why it's so dangerous.

https://www.acpjournals.org/doi/abs/10.7326/M22-3469 a doomer study that proves that candida is becoming more common, concerningly we don't know why.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coconut_oil#Composition_and_comparison the Wikipedia article for coconut oil is surprisingly detailed and provides a nice breakdown of the ratio of different fatty acids in coconut oil.

!effortposters

Literally took months of work, even if I only wrote this in a day.

@TomfooleryButNewYear

You wanted to know about supplements, this probably isn't exactly what you are looking for, but do check out black seed oil, coconut oil, ginger root, vitamin D, and www.swansonvitamins.com (not sponsored lol, they just have great prices and save me literally hundreds of dollars. Do wait for sales, they have them all the darn time and are often 35% off all Swanson brand stuff or higher.)

@KILL_EVERYONE

I await your upmarsey, even if you won't read this.

@Qar

And here is your effortpost, enjoy and don't forget to not vote!

https://www.vice.com/en/article/us-senator-wants-americans-who-use-deepseek-thrown-in-prison/

!codecels

!aichads

And in my heart there is COOM.

I am a HEDONIST. ALL IS NOTHING COMPARED TO MY GLORIOUS COOM.

If cooming has billions of fans (it does), then I am one of them. If there are only ten coomers, then I am one of them. If there is but one coomer, then that is me. If there are no coomers, then that means I am no longer on Earth. If the world is against cooming, then I am against the world.

If think about it, cumming is literally the PERFECT hobby. You don't need anybody else to do it. You don't need any "thing" else. You don't even need your clothes. It's just you and your body and coom. It's like a connection with god. Maximalism through minimalism, or vice versa.

I coom to genocides and abuse neighbor I desecrate the sacred. I blaspheme and spit when I coom then I coom some more. I'm an untrollable maniac if we're talking about the C*M scale hard peepee BBC porn human trafficking nigguh I corrupt the next generation by spreading drugs and STDs all around them.

You don't know what's made me coom so don't try me. This new generation of coomers annoy me. My generation is the one of true SOULFUL gooning. Everything else is just an imitation. Real shit, you think it would be a good business to open up a longue where I don't sell any drugs or alcohol, just provide calm music, chilled water, and a table where distinguished folks can talk about the finer aspects of gooning. What stroke you use, what new kink you've developed, if you're sick of one kink just keep GOONING until a new fetish lights your fire. TRUST THE PROCESS.

And you'll have some of the most amazing cooms imaginable

And to the admins of this shithole site: Yes this is an effortpost because you best believe I was gooning HARD when I wrote this. Headset on, "open video in smaller tab" shit nigguh I took my fricking shirt and pants off for this shit, we don't take half measures when it comes to gooning. I'm trying to start a C*M gang, you interested in signing up?

I GOON when reading the Bible

I GOON when I'm eating

I GOON when I'm on the phone

I GOON whenever I have even a vague sexual thought or my hand happens to brush upon my peepee. That's enough to derail my entire day with just coom. As you can imagine, it gets hard to deal with all the laundry when you COOM so much but I've learned to just keep a lot of towels lying around the house. Goon and wipe yourself as you see fit.

By the end of my reign, you'll be calling me Satan's Nightmare.

Original post in /r/protonmail, where the CEO responds to the controversy:

https://old.reddit.com/r/ProtonMail/comments/1i1zjgn/so_that_happened/

Excerpt from Yen's comment:

This is not going to be a popular opinion, but on the specific issue of antitrust, Democrats fell short. In 2022, we campaigned extensively in the US for anti-trust legislation. Two bills were ready, with bipartisan support. Chuck Schumer (who coincidently has two daughters working as big tech lobbyists) refused to bring the bills for a vote. In the aftermath of this failure, great people like former Democratic rep David Cicilline left congress, leaving few strong voices for antitrust left in the Democratic party. In the meantime, at a 2024 event covering antitrust remedies, out of all the invited senators, just a single one showed up - JD Vance.

Redditors:

Today /r/privacy, in a removed post, Redditors continue to seethe.

https://old.reddit.com/r/privacy/comments/1id1lo5/proton_ceo_responds_to_backlash_after_his_post/

One particularly amusing comment chain where people are scarmbling to find a service that isn't in the hands of a chud:

https://old.reddit.com/r/privacy/comments/1id1lo5/comment/m9vi9tu/?context=8

Sardines with more soyseethe:

https://old.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/1i2q6a9/comment/m7gq8v5/?context=8

🚨BREAKING: Chinese national who organises pro-Palestine rallies at UCLA, Liu Lijun, has just had her visa revoked

The Trump admin isn’t playing about. pic.twitter.com/DdozRjzE6n

— Inevitable West (@Inevitablewest) January 31, 2025

!asians is that at least like a Uyghur name? Do Uyghurs look different then Han?

Okay so this is just a full on Chinese. Weird!

bottom text

i havent posted in a while but my favorite event happened again, the independent thinkers at the `farms decided to discuss an article headline, from "instant update news"

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/fake-im-human-too-trans-activists-outrage-after-gynecologist-refused-to-see-them.210851/

"I'm Human Too!" - Trans Activist's Outrage After Gynecologist REFUSED To See Them

The local transgender farmers are not happy

"erm... do you have a source??"

"looks real to me"

!nonchuds !chudmoment @The_Homocracy @BWC @pizzashill discuss

!r-slurs !alligatorfrickhouse

https://old.reddit.com/r/southafrica/comments/1icoigf/trump_administration_halts_hiv_drug_distribution/m9sh17q/?context=8

Most Based Comments

Basedness: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔘

Man, someone woke up and chose drama today (-36)

Basedness: 🔥🔥🔥🔘🔘

Definitivamente making la gran uruguaya my go to now. Thanks bud (-13)

Basedness: 🔥🔥🔥🔘🔘

It's not drama. I want to avoid places that don't align with my values. If the president gets to do that why can't I? (38)

Your choice to do so isn't drama.Your choice to engage in a discussion about it with Internet strangers on an anonymized site? Drama.But I could be wrong! Let's see if I'm wrong. (-20)

Angriest Comments

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

Are you people for real? Jackson Heights suffers a lot from illegal immigration. 🙄 (-17)

Are immigrants the one raising our tax code, allowing racism to run rampant, spreading lies, releasing violent criminals, firing hardworking people because they're uplifting minority voices, defunding federal organizations which directly led to a plane crash and deaths of civilians, increasing tariffs that will only harm the average person, etc? (13)

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

It's not drama. I want to avoid places that don't align with my values. If the president gets to do that why can't I? (38)

There are many things this President has done or gets to do that you will never be able to.I expect this to be a controversial statement in true Reddit fashion.EDIT: never change Reddit, I was talking about the fact that he got away with felonies, being a male feminist, a libertarian, an open racist, and somehow becoming President while simultaneously being the dumbest person I have ever had the displeasure of listening to more than any human deserves. Knew you guys would take it the wrong way and come with the pitchforks. (-11)

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡🔘

As recently as last year Dan Cathy has publicly opposed marriage equality. (7)

So what? Why don't you go ask the local mosque if they approve of you? I don't care who approves of me or not. And doesn't matter if they oppose gay people being married, who cares? When I was a hateful leftist I used to say oh don't eat Chick-fil-A. I don't do that anymore. I eat Chick-fil-A. It's a great company. You know they just shot and killed an ex-muslim in Sweden? Sweden a progressive, western country. We need to take control of our borders and stop our country being overrun by people who hate us. (-4)

Biggest Lolcow: /u/weirdscienxe

Score: 🐮🔘🔘🔘🔘

Number of comments: 3

Average angriness: 🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘

Maximum angriness: 😡😡😡😡🔘

Minimum angriness: 🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘

NEW: Subscribe to /h/miners to see untapped drama veins, ripe for mining!

autodrama: automating away the jobs of dramneurodivergents. Ping HeyMoon if there are any problems or you have a suggestion

A volleyball coach parked in an unloading zone during a tournament.

Someone snapped a picture and called her out in Facebook group.

Let's see how she responds

Gets into a three-way argument

Argument with a pink-haired lady devolves into who is cuter.

"You're entitled and spoiled" devolves into longposts about who's ugliest

A moid chimes in, and soon Jill is pooping on people's grandkids.

Refusing to apologize and more arguing

More random arguments

I'm sick of screenshotting, but there are hundreds of comments with dozens of people flamewarring. Feel free to click the link for more.

!nonchuds !lgbt !cuteandinvalid FRICK ICE AND FRICK TRUMP

In honor of Civilization week I suggested doing a Let's Play of Dawn of Civilization, a mod for the best installment, Civilization IV. DoC is the spiritual successor to Rhye's of Civilization and turns Civ from a random map game into a total Earth history sim. It is still in development to this day. This is the recently released 1.18 version of DoC with a MASSIVE new world map and several new civilizations.

I want to take a Civilization into space. We will see how long this goes. RfC/DoC is designed to make it difficult to maintain a strong empire throughout history. It is possible I'll shit my pants and my empire will collapse. It is also possible we'll hit a gamebreaking bug or a broken turn at some point. Either way let's fricking go!!!!!!

I asked !g*mers for a vote:

Wait wtf, a tie Between China and Rome

I'll guess I'll have to change my vote to be a tiebreaker.

We will miss out on seeing the expanded Bronze Age and early game but I think this will be more exciting. China is more about casually expanding and fighting a shitload of barbarians. Rome is poised to conquer the world.

Playing on Monarch/Epic

You'll notice that we're currently the "Italic Peoples", and an independent city called Melpum is in the north. Right now we're looking at the "Stability View", the blue overlay is our Core region. We want as much population as possible here. As Melpum is in our core it will not be indepenedent for long.

When the settler unpacks his bags our southern neighbors say hello. I have a bad feeling about these fellers

Roma is founded. We're going to start with a Ballista, Rome's unique artillery.

Our first settlers on boats go down to found Rhegium at the southern tip of our core, putting us in range of the Greeks. Sometimes the Greeks settle Rhegium or Messana, but since they didn't, we get a settler to do so.

Diplomatic overview of the region. We are the "Roman Republic". The icons to the right show if we have a trade connection, the religion, their attitude towards us, and stability. Greek City States are stable, Carthage is very stable. All civilizations are currently pagan, which functions basically as No Religion, but of slightly different stripes. The Greek City States and us are Olympian, while the baby sacrificing Carthaginians are Baalist.

Most of the pagan distinctions are cosmetic, but it's possible to win a Pagan Religious Victory. Our victory conditions are as follows:

The third condition is unique to Olympianism. The Baalists have some other shit.

It's very possible we could hit this victory on accident. Some people believe if you hit X victory and Y victory later, you didn't actually get Y victory. Either way, I don't really want a Pagan Religious victory, they're lame.

The Historical Victory for Rome is as follows:

Two of these goals will trigger a Golden Age. I'm going to attempt for the first two at least. The "Late Antiquity" goal I'm less concerned with. It's a little RNG dependent on how China, Persia, and India are doing across the world. My goal is to go into Space, but just for keks it'd be fun to hit a Historic victory on the way. If not, oh well, I just want Romans on Mars.

The opening text talks about our "superior political system" as the Roman Republic. I'm going to throw that out the window.

We get a free revolution on the first turn (otherwise it would take turns of Anarchy to change civics). I'm switching to Deification, there's little point to continue running Animism other than that Deification is unstable when paired with a Republic. We're changing that to to Despotism, giving us the "whip" population rush that you would normally get from Slavery in vanilla (since an autocrat can Get Shit Done). With Slavery and Redistribution we have a very stable civic combo.

Since we switched to Despotism, we are now the Roman Kingdom.

Mediolanium (formerly X Chucks Melpum) joins Rome in the next turn. Brennus of the Celtic Chiefdoms (Gaul) greets us, his flavor of Paganism is Druidic. They are backwards as shit you'll note in the score disparity. The Celts are a new civilization in the expanded 1.18 map, previously they were represented entirely by Barbarians and Independent States who were much more hassling. We're going to leave them alone in Gaul to hug trees or whatever for a while.

Many later spawning civilizations get an Advanced Start to get the ball rolling. Due to Rome's unique power of Infrastructure (giving a production boost to any buildings already built in Rome) we're focusing on getting buildings up.

The Roman Legions can build Roman Roads too, this is cool as heck and will help our workers out.

We have settled our core. Padua is a little cramped, but it will make a fine production city with exclusive access to Clams and makes for a strong chokepoint (soldiers can't move around the marsh to the south). The Carthagians didn't settle Iberia yet so we have it to ourself, and we found our first city outside the core in Tarragona. The Green means this is a historical expansion area, which is a little more forgiving than just settling randomly. The key is we want the population in our Core to exceed any settlements outside of the core. If the population outside the core exceeds we get an overextension penalty.

This is of course a very stupid representation of early Rome. Rome did not just pack their bags and peacefully settle the north and south, nor Iberia, but remember that we're simulating the history of the entire world here and have to fast forward through some shit.

We negotitate for Open Borders with the Greeks so our ships can pass through and meet Cleopatra.

"Your head would look good at the end of a pole" indeed

Then we meet Darius of Persia

The Persians are the first with a true nonpagan religion, Zoroastrianism. They naturally founded it, hence the little star.

The foreign advisor notes that all my new friends around the Mediterranean have Shipbuilding which gives them access to War Galleys. These are going to btfo my pathetic little galleys unattended. If I want to conquer shit other than stupid Gauls I'm going to need their boat technology and they are all willing to trade it. Cleopatra, being a dumb foid, has somehow failed to research Writing which is a mere 380 beakers compared to Shipbuilding's 252.

This is an okay trade, just a bit in her advantage.

Now she likes us a little more!!!

Pretty sweet random event, Padua gains a cultural boost

Borders are expanded, not much we can do with that now, but still neat. Saves us from needing a monument or temple.

We meet Buddhist Ashoka of India from a scout in Greece

and even more surprisingly, a still-alive Assyria. I would have expected them to be rekt by the Persian Empire by now, but apparently they signed a peace treaty. Notice in the diplomatic overview that they are the first Unstable civilization (the red dot on the blue thing turned down). This is also another new 1.18 civilization, probably why there's such a generic introduction.

It looks like they might hold Jerusalem. We could open borders/trade, but there's little point to and it risks annoying Persia.

From our exploring, the Mediterranean World looks like this:

We have enough of an army to launch an invasion once we get some ballistae and warships up. We'll have to skip the Punic Wars for now because Greece is the most valuable target.

Speaking of which, they've stirred up some shit

("declared war on !" I think is an independent state, or an unknown civ)

This is probably Alexander the Great.

Unfortunately for Alex, now my waifu is asking nicely for help

She even spots me some cash, she's so cool

Due to my simping, the war effort must move faster than anticipated. One of our precious galleys narrowly escapes a Greek ship. I was hoping for two ballisate, but we have one at least, and enough Legions to fill up our boats, with a War Galley fresh from Tarragona.

It begins

Oh but wait, while we're gearing up for our first great conquest Hannibal "Cute twink" Barca needs to come by to tell us we should have a turn of Anarchy to completely change back our entire political system and lose the advantage of rushing units. I am suddenly tempted to start the first Punic War instead. Telling him no grants a diplomatic malus.

On the plus side, he apparently somehow got roped into this war with the Greeks too, so he FINALLY allows for open borders. But now I'm suspicious he's talking to Cleopatra too

>Will sign Peace Treaty

Yeah, no, not happening

Athens falls with a couple casualties. Shortly after, the Greek City-States collapse into a series of Barbarian and Independent states. Losing a capital deals a massive blow to a Civilization's stability - it's not guaranteed to destroy a Civ by any means, but if the Civilization is already overextended, screwing up their economy, pissing off the world, and losing military battles they're toast . This is the first collapse/civil war seen this game, and it will make mopping up the rest of Greece a bit easier.

Athens is BEAUTIFUL. With three Wonders, it is VERY profitable and will get us a Great Merchant or a Great Prophet pretty soon. This is going to put us in a much more favorable position for our future conquests.

We have an idea on where we stand. We are behind only Carthage and Persia on tech. This is good - China and India isn't past us. Persia has researched Nobility first and gotten a free general from it, oh well.

Greece is conquered. Unfortunately, some butthole appears to have razed the independent city of Sfard. A Persian swordsman is standing right there, so I'm blaming him. Darius is beginning to piss me off. The "Pax Romana" historic goal requires 4 cities in Anatolia and now we only have 3. We'll have to resettle somewhere.

This was the easy part. Now we have about 30 turns to finish several buildings for "Bread and Circuses". I need the Law and Currency technologies for this (mainly Currency, but Law will help). A Great Person is due in Athens in 10 turns, it's a coinflip if I'll get a Great Prophet or a Great Merchant, the prophet would get me Law and the Merchant would get me Currency. I may hoard cash at 0% research funding and 100% fund research after I know who I'll get.

For Pax Romana, I think Carthage may control the Levant, so we're gearing up for some Punic Wars to take both the Levant and Africa. I'll need to settle somewhere in Anatolia to rebuild the city that got rekt and colonize Iberia and Britain. Finally I'll need Egypt, the New Kingdom of Egypt is a bit unstable so they might collapse, that way I won't have to betray Cleopatra but on the other hand she built the Parthenon so it might be advantageous to her as soon as possible.

For the final technology condition, Architecture and Politics are the most in danger of getting researched first by another civ. Persia is closest to this, and they are prosperous and super stable. It may be worth an incursion into their lands to frick them up if we don't get spread too thin.

The Religious Victory doesn't look like it's at risk of hitting. We are going to control 7 wonders probably eventually, but if I don't build many more temples we should be fine.

Ok join me next time if you feel like it These were like barely that many turns but I felt the need to explain my opening moves and now it's almost time for bed

EDIT:

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

@kaamrev

the United States shall promote the resettlement of Afrikaner refugees escaping government-sponsored race-based discrimination, including racially discriminatory property confiscation.

A foreign billionaire has seized the United States government.

— DCCC (@dccc) February 3, 2025

Is he a foreigner from Canada? Or Africa?

Bonus video here's Elon with his McLaren F1 and his ex wife of his child

Another gigachad with perfect genetics (5' tall fat Asian man with autism)...

Musk and his minions march on

You read it right. If you are interested, drop a time you'll be free in the next 12 hours.