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the dejenerate podcast - mrs peter file 14:20
Jinxthinker found an article about a libertarian mom, let's read this shit neighbor. 24 looks fricked up, obese. Yorkshire Live gets 100 bits for being brave enough to call her a pervert.
1:40 This and her fricked up eczema skin is proof that some women are broken. Unlike Jinxthinker who has clear skin, big muscles, and can hoop the frick out. Jinxthinker talks about how he could have been an NBA player
2:15 we read another story about libertarians. Muslim detected.
3:00 Real talk, jinxthinker saw a dog earlier when he went to the shop. Got some Monsters and gummies. The dog was a ferocious beast and it barked at me, but Jinxthinker don't scare.
3:51 Evidence that the Muslim is a Nazi- he targeted at 10 year old. Can't decided if libertarianism is normalized or if people are getting arrested for it
4:30 Talks about his peepee
5:00 We look at retro-style perfect female AI women. Talks about which tattoos are good ones.
5:50 We have a sexual type conversation. How would you try to get into Jinxthinker's pants. Talks about writing Billie Eilish fanfiction. He's into strong women like an oxen(?). Lithuania sucks.
6:45 Jinxthinker is DTF. It would be cool to have a shotgun. You can put a gun to his head as you are fricking jinxthinker
Punches himself in the chest to demostrate his toughness.
7:55 Continues punching himself and talking about how he's all conditioning. He's a pure warrior. Sidenote about how Greek philosophy is bullshit and the Jews saved Europe from Pythagoras, Euclid, and Cocratese (Socrates).
9:10 I would go on a date with her- points at screen. They could go to wingstop and get boneless wings.
9:40 Jinxthinker would like to go to heaven eventually. Heaven is cool shit where you do Molly with angels and fire SMGs into the air. That would be cool. He gets distracted by thinking about wingstop.
10:40 Talks about his wank.
10:55 Continues to talk about his date. Jinxthinker is very much considered desirable by high IQ women who haven't been de-dignitized by the libertarian men.
11:40 Imagine if you were falling off a building and got impaled by a BBC. That's pretty much what's happening now.
12:10 He was going to have a bath, but didn't.
12:25 He had to insert his card in the shop old style.
12:44 If you think bad things, they are more likely to happen. Tomorrow is egg mayonnaise day with mustard, black pepper, salt.
13:20 Today's dinner was... toast with.... marmalade
13:35 This is why he needs to audition wifes (presumably to be eating better). Zooms in on AI eyes.
!jinxthinkers have you auditioned any potential wives lately?
- usernaw : good drama
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A volleyball coach parked in an unloading zone during a tournament.
Someone snapped a picture and called her out in Facebook group.
Let's see how she responds
Gets into a three-way argument
Argument with a pink-haired lady devolves into who is cuter.
"You're entitled and spoiled" devolves into longposts about who's ugliest
A moid chimes in, and soon Jill is pooping on people's grandkids.
Refusing to apologize and more arguing
More random arguments
I'm sick of screenshotting, but there are hundreds of comments with dozens of people flamewarring. Feel free to click the link for more.
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You, working honestly
Government KING clicking delete on a legitimate email (most work xhe's done this week)
They're too nice
Smartest fed
Dipshit deep dive!
Meet /u/aqua410, Baltimore bureaucrat par excellence
Given the area code and how much she loves her sassy black woman gifs, you'd think she's one herself...
Besides not knowing how to google "metadata", she's doesn't know FB owns whatsapp:
Or why people don't just hack Elon Muskrat out of existence
Life is hard for a black woman in tech
She makes up for that small lapse by being extremely knowledgeable on laws:
Early life
Jews take great pride in being מאמינים בני מאמינים "believers, the sons of believers" - an unbroken lineage of faith in and loyalty to G-d from the times of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
Similarly, this middle aged mammy is unfireable, the daughter of unfireables:
Sadly, they're not supportive enough of her having to... go back to work
She shuffles around lazily between agencies
Deleting every email she doesn't like
Pooping up everything she touches
Unfortunately, the country will fall apart if we can't reach her after 3:30 pm
Weigh in!
Which of the following metaphors best describes the role of HR in an organization?
backbone
visceral fat
metastasized stage 4 lymphoma
- DestoryerCarbine : you could have made this a multiplayer AAT but you didn't. shamefur dispray
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In honor of Civilization week I suggested doing a Let's Play of Dawn of Civilization, a mod for the best installment, Civilization IV. DoC is the spiritual successor to Rhye's of Civilization and turns Civ from a random map game into a total Earth history sim. It is still in development to this day. This is the recently released 1.18 version of DoC with a MASSIVE new world map and several new civilizations.
I want to take a Civilization into space. We will see how long this goes. RfC/DoC is designed to make it difficult to maintain a strong empire throughout history. It is possible I'll shit my pants and my empire will collapse. It is also possible we'll hit a gamebreaking bug or a broken turn at some point. Either way let's fricking go!!!!!!
I asked !g*mers for a vote:
Wait wtf, a tie Between China and Rome
I'll guess I'll have to change my vote to be a tiebreaker.
We will miss out on seeing the expanded Bronze Age and early game but I think this will be more exciting. China is more about casually expanding and fighting a shitload of barbarians. Rome is poised to conquer the world.
Playing on Monarch/Epic
You'll notice that we're currently the "Italic Peoples", and an independent city called Melpum is in the north. Right now we're looking at the "Stability View", the blue overlay is our Core region. We want as much population as possible here. As Melpum is in our core it will not be indepenedent for long.
When the settler unpacks his bags our southern neighbors say hello. I have a bad feeling about these fellers
Roma is founded. We're going to start with a Ballista, Rome's unique artillery.
Our first settlers on boats go down to found Rhegium at the southern tip of our core, putting us in range of the Greeks. Sometimes the Greeks settle Rhegium or Messana, but since they didn't, we get a settler to do so.
Diplomatic overview of the region. We are the "Roman Republic". The icons to the right show if we have a trade connection, the religion, their attitude towards us, and stability. Greek City States are stable, Carthage is very stable. All civilizations are currently pagan, which functions basically as No Religion, but of slightly different stripes. The Greek City States and us are Olympian, while the baby sacrificing Carthaginians are Baalist.
Most of the pagan distinctions are cosmetic, but it's possible to win a Pagan Religious Victory. Our victory conditions are as follows:
The third condition is unique to Olympianism. The Baalists have some other shit.
It's very possible we could hit this victory on accident. Some people believe if you hit X victory and Y victory later, you didn't actually get Y victory. Either way, I don't really want a Pagan Religious victory, they're lame.
The Historical Victory for Rome is as follows:
Two of these goals will trigger a Golden Age. I'm going to attempt for the first two at least. The "Late Antiquity" goal I'm less concerned with. It's a little RNG dependent on how China, Persia, and India are doing across the world. My goal is to go into Space, but just for keks it'd be fun to hit a Historic victory on the way. If not, oh well, I just want Romans on Mars.
The opening text talks about our "superior political system" as the Roman Republic. I'm going to throw that out the window.
We get a free revolution on the first turn (otherwise it would take turns of Anarchy to change civics). I'm switching to Deification, there's little point to continue running Animism other than that Deification is unstable when paired with a Republic. We're changing that to to Despotism, giving us the "whip" population rush that you would normally get from Slavery in vanilla (since an autocrat can Get Shit Done). With Slavery and Redistribution we have a very stable civic combo.
Since we switched to Despotism, we are now the Roman Kingdom.
Mediolanium (formerly X Chucks Melpum) joins Rome in the next turn. Brennus of the Celtic Chiefdoms (Gaul) greets us, his flavor of Paganism is Druidic. They are backwards as shit you'll note in the score disparity. The Celts are a new civilization in the expanded 1.18 map, previously they were represented entirely by Barbarians and Independent States who were much more hassling. We're going to leave them alone in Gaul to hug trees or whatever for a while.
Many later spawning civilizations get an Advanced Start to get the ball rolling. Due to Rome's unique power of Infrastructure (giving a production boost to any buildings already built in Rome) we're focusing on getting buildings up.
The Roman Legions can build Roman Roads too, this is cool as heck and will help our workers out.
We have settled our core. Padua is a little cramped, but it will make a fine production city with exclusive access to Clams and makes for a strong chokepoint (soldiers can't move around the marsh to the south). The Carthagians didn't settle Iberia yet so we have it to ourself, and we found our first city outside the core in Tarragona. The Green means this is a historical expansion area, which is a little more forgiving than just settling randomly. The key is we want the population in our Core to exceed any settlements outside of the core. If the population outside the core exceeds we get an overextension penalty.
This is of course a very stupid representation of early Rome. Rome did not just pack their bags and peacefully settle the north and south, nor Iberia, but remember that we're simulating the history of the entire world here and have to fast forward through some shit.
We negotitate for Open Borders with the Greeks so our ships can pass through and meet Cleopatra.
"Your head would look good at the end of a pole" indeed
Then we meet Darius of Persia
The Persians are the first with a true nonpagan religion, Zoroastrianism. They naturally founded it, hence the little star.
The foreign advisor notes that all my new friends around the Mediterranean have Shipbuilding which gives them access to War Galleys. These are going to btfo my pathetic little galleys unattended. If I want to conquer shit other than stupid Gauls I'm going to need their boat technology and they are all willing to trade it. Cleopatra, being a dumb foid, has somehow failed to research Writing which is a mere 380 beakers compared to Shipbuilding's 252.
This is an okay trade, just a bit in her advantage.
Now she likes us a little more!!!
Pretty sweet random event, Padua gains a cultural boost
Borders are expanded, not much we can do with that now, but still neat. Saves us from needing a monument or temple.
We meet Buddhist Ashoka of India from a scout in Greece
and even more surprisingly, a still-alive Assyria. I would have expected them to be rekt by the Persian Empire by now, but apparently they signed a peace treaty. Notice in the diplomatic overview that they are the first Unstable civilization (the red dot on the blue thing turned down). This is also another new 1.18 civilization, probably why there's such a generic introduction.
It looks like they might hold Jerusalem. We could open borders/trade, but there's little point to and it risks annoying Persia.
From our exploring, the Mediterranean World looks like this:
We have enough of an army to launch an invasion once we get some ballistae and warships up. We'll have to skip the Punic Wars for now because Greece is the most valuable target.
Speaking of which, they've stirred up some shit
("declared war on !" I think is an independent state, or an unknown civ)
This is probably Alexander the Great.
Unfortunately for Alex, now my waifu is asking nicely for help
She even spots me some cash, she's so cool
Due to my simping, the war effort must move faster than anticipated. One of our precious galleys narrowly escapes a Greek ship. I was hoping for two ballisate, but we have one at least, and enough Legions to fill up our boats, with a War Galley fresh from Tarragona.
It begins
Oh but wait, while we're gearing up for our first great conquest Hannibal "Cute twink" Barca needs to come by to tell us we should have a turn of Anarchy to completely change back our entire political system and lose the advantage of rushing units. I am suddenly tempted to start the first Punic War instead. Telling him no grants a diplomatic malus.
On the plus side, he apparently somehow got roped into this war with the Greeks too, so he FINALLY allows for open borders. But now I'm suspicious he's talking to Cleopatra too
Yeah, no, not happening
Athens falls with a couple casualties. Shortly after, the Greek City-States collapse into a series of Barbarian and Independent states. Losing a capital deals a massive blow to a Civilization's stability - it's not guaranteed to destroy a Civ by any means, but if the Civilization is already overextended, screwing up their economy, pissing off the world, and losing military battles they're toast . This is the first collapse/civil war seen this game, and it will make mopping up the rest of Greece a bit easier.
Athens is BEAUTIFUL. With three Wonders, it is VERY profitable and will get us a Great Merchant or a Great Prophet pretty soon. This is going to put us in a much more favorable position for our future conquests.
We have an idea on where we stand. We are behind only Carthage and Persia on tech. This is good - China and India isn't past us. Persia has researched Nobility first and gotten a free general from it, oh well.
Greece is conquered. Unfortunately, some butthole appears to have razed the independent city of Sfard. A Persian swordsman is standing right there, so I'm blaming him. Darius is beginning to piss me off. The "Pax Romana" historic goal requires 4 cities in Anatolia and now we only have 3. We'll have to resettle somewhere.
This was the easy part. Now we have about 30 turns to finish several buildings for "Bread and Circuses". I need the Law and Currency technologies for this (mainly Currency, but Law will help). A Great Person is due in Athens in 10 turns, it's a coinflip if I'll get a Great Prophet or a Great Merchant, the prophet would get me Law and the Merchant would get me Currency. I may hoard cash at 0% research funding and 100% fund research after I know who I'll get.
For Pax Romana, I think Carthage may control the Levant, so we're gearing up for some Punic Wars to take both the Levant and Africa. I'll need to settle somewhere in Anatolia to rebuild the city that got rekt and colonize Iberia and Britain. Finally I'll need Egypt, the New Kingdom of Egypt is a bit unstable so they might collapse, that way I won't have to betray Cleopatra
but on the other hand she built the Parthenon so it might be advantageous to
her as soon as possible.
For the final technology condition, Architecture and Politics are the most in danger of getting researched first by another civ. Persia is closest to this, and they are prosperous and super stable. It may be worth an incursion into their lands to frick them up if we don't get spread too thin.
The Religious Victory doesn't look like it's at risk of hitting. We are going to control 7 wonders probably eventually, but if I don't build many more temples we should be fine.
Ok join me next time if you feel like it These were like barely that many turns but I felt the need to explain my opening moves and now it's almost time for bed
EDIT:
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I’m wearing the Green Square to honour the National Day of Remembrance for the Québec City mosque attack and Day of Action against Islamophobia.
— Wab Kinew (@WabKinew) January 29, 2025
The remembrance of this terrible tragedy, this unprovoked attack on a place of worship, call on us to specifically condemn… pic.twitter.com/Ir4hrCeNE5
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An Indian travel vlogger visited Nigeria and she never wishes to visit again. She gave some reasons here. pic.twitter.com/saiIi4HNe8
— Lord Immy Kant (Eastern Exile) (@KantInEast) January 31, 2025
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this thread caught my eye so i had to look
sure emough:
OP post is
She is the definition of independence. When the world tells her to shrink, she chooses to expand.
Muscle mommies do not ask for permission.
They take what they deserve.
btw this is the same guy that huffed nitrogen
You forgot to mention that they are great cuddlers
posting
All these women are fat nowadays
Muscle mommies is the kind of thing that looks great drawn
Haters to the left
this post sums it up
Porn Addition: The Thread
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Netflix + Amy Schumer + fake pregnancy = PURE KINO
@JimieWhales love sucking peepee and feeling superior too white girls
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Two genders confirmed canon in the lego universe.
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Most Based Comments
Basedness: 🔥🔥🔥🔘🔘
Come back after you graduate high school. Lol (78)
Basedness: 🔥🔥🔥🔘🔘
Tolerance is for putting up with a bad smell, or physical pain, not the existence of gay people or other ethnicities. (413)
Basedness: 🔥🔥🔥🔘🔘
Forget the politics, the stuff she's saying about your relationship should be enough to drop her NOR (3521)
You people are sick who would drop your family over differences in opinion (-100)
Angriest Comments
Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡
Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡
Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡
Biggest Lolcow: /u/Lopsided_Purchase235
Score: 🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮(+0🐮)
Number of comments: 10
Average angriness: 🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘
Maximum angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡
Minimum angriness: 🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘
NEW: Subscribe to /h/miners to see untapped drama veins, ripe for mining!
autodrama: automating away the jobs of dramneurodivergents.
Ping HeyMoon if there are any problems or you have a suggestion
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EDIT: OP IS A MOID!
No drama but it just seemed funny to me, like why are you humblebragging on Reddit to a bunch of minimum wage wagies?
Also what the frick is up with that house? Why does it have two garages?
https://old.reddit.com/r/Homebuilding/comments/1hgjwyz/we_are_almost_there/
OP also sucks at parking:
https://old.reddit.com/r/HummerEV/comments/1g343jk/i_pulled_the_trigger_this_weekend/
She posts to /r/ebayselleradvice so I assume she's a stay at home wife with a rich husband.
She really loves humblebragging
And she has some Karen story that I didn't read:
https://old.reddit.com/r/Diesel/comments/1eb968p/i_know_we_all_have_had_bad_experiences_at/
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No it's not about ketamine.
Introduction
In the west, Kpop is typically derided. Oftentimes this is because it is creatively bankrupt and consists of cookie cutter songs and artists. Other times it is hated for the immaturity/insanity of its western fan base (teenage girls, trannies, and neets.) Still more people hate it because of the oppressive nature of its industry. Whatever your reason, it is clear that kpop is slop. Goyslop, if you will. However, it is Goyslop of the highest order. Made to be agreeable to the largest audience possible's most base instincts. This combined with the nature of the industry (more on this later), means that it is ripe for drama; and yet I very rarely see kpop drama on this site.
Typical kpop fans
Now I don't like Kpop, but the drama potential of kpop became apparent to me a few weeks ago when I stumbled upon the news of Newjeans trying to cancel their contract. I spent 3 days gorging myself upon the news and it's associated buildup. To be frank with you, I became addicted to kpop. Not the music of course, but the drama surrounding it. I had a desire to post about Newjeans and share that delicious drama with you all; However there was a massive amount of background information to sift through and organize. I realized the full deets would require a series, and when I realized that, well, I started seeing DC in my eyes.
However, I am lazy. I don't want start a full series if it won't pay off, so I figured I would create a prototype, a pilot episode if you will. If you all enjoy this post, and I get my goombling funds, then I'll begin work on the Newjeans saga in earnest (with a few filler episodes thrown in, of course)
First off, a few warnings and disclaimers:
1. A lot of kpop groups have minors in them. I will be posting images and videos of various kpop groups throughout this series. If you see next to an image or video, that means it contains someone who is CURRENTLY a minor. You have been warned.
2. Kpop sucks from a musical standpoint, but it has ear worms. I will link to songs, concert performances, and music videos as part of this series, but I would avoid listening to the music if possible. Otherwise you'll end up like me and have Crazy by Le Sserafim stuck in your head for two weeks, a fate worse than death. Songs that I think are a big risk for this will be marked with a next to the link.
An example of these two points:
(Pictured above: 5 Korean shaman perform a sissification ritual on their unsuspecting male audience)
(The shaman's evil chant)
3. As I said earlier, I just started my research about a month ago, so I'm very likely to get things wrong. This will be compounded by the fact that the really juicy shit is found on Korean sites and forums, so I will either use Google translate, or the translation of random freaks on the internet. if I do get something wrong, don't worry, it's working as intended
Without further adieu,..
...Let us go down...
... The K-hole
The Drama
If you've made it this far and know anything about kpop, I'm sure you're wondering why I used an image of Twice. It's because they tangentially relate to this story. How? Well to understand that you need to know who/what JYP is.
Background
Jin-Young Park
JYP stands for Jin-Young Park, a South Korean singer who rose to prominence in the 1990's and parlayed his success into his own media conglomerate, which he humbly named JYP Entertainment (hereafter JYPE). JYPE is one of the 4 major companies that dominate the South Korean music industry. Their most successful artists are Twice, Itzy, and NMIXX (no not the sex cult).
For years JYPE has tried to break into the American market, with only middling success. Their most recent attempt was actually about a week and a half ago when Twice released a comeback that featured Megan THEE Stallion on the title track. One of their recent schemes has been to launch Kpop style American groups under a brand new division, JYP USA.
Strategy - Twice feat. Megan Thee Stallion
Now something you need to understand about the kpop industry is that in a weird way, it's almost like professional sports, having the following things in common.
1. Opportunities and success are largely based on God given talent. (If you're not a slim rice foid who can dance/sing/rap better than everyone else you don't have a shot.)
2. The window of opportunity is very slim, If you don't make it big by 30 you probably never will.
3. At the highest levels, there is a LOT of money at stake. (For example, the exclusive contract Newjeans is trying to get out of likely has a penalty of $200-400 million.)
For these reasons, kpop idols go through a sort of training period before they actually are put into a group and debuted. The idols essentially drop out of school and join a training program, where they learn how to sing, dance, rap, and be charming in front of a camera. Just like young athletes and their coaches trying to make it big, these schools have a very "whatever needs to be done attitude" to training, with horror stories abounding. This is considered standard practice in the industry, meaning that almost every kpop groups you see was carefully planned out years in advance.
JYP USA planned to continue this proud gook tradition with their flagship girl group VCHA, a group formed in 2023 from the winners of a web show A2K (America2Korea) on youtube, where JYP himself selected members to form an American kpop group. However, they ran into one small problem: The breakable American spirit.
The Lawsuit
Kiera Grace Madder, 17, (stage name KG Crown) was one of the lucky girls who won A2K and had her dreams come true of becoming a pop star. At least, that is what she thought before entering into the Korean style training system. In May 2024, after enduring months of abuse, KG decided she couldn't take any more, and requested out of her contract. JYP USA refused, citing. that she owed them over $500,000 for training and production costs. Seeing no other option KG filed a lawsuit on December 7th in the state of California to terminate her contract. The complaints of abuse are summarized below:
Now the interesting thing here is that none of this is illegal in South Korea, where JYPE is based. A court there ruled that idols were contractors and not employees, meaning that they were not entitled to protections granted to employees under South Korean labor laws. However, VCHA was based in California, which not only has strict labor laws, but EXTREMELY strict child labor laws, due to the history of child actor abuse in Hollywood.
The general consensus online seems to be that most of the allegations of abuse will go nowhere, but the complaints regarding working hours, denial of profits, and the $500,000 debt are likely to be decided in KG's favor due to California Labor laws.
The Reaction
/r/kpop reacts
IG post
https://old.reddit.com/r/kpop/comments/1h94lj7/vcha_kg_posts_an_instagram_story_update_regarding/
JYPE response
https://old.reddit.com/r/kpop/comments/1h9w7w1/jyp_usa_issues_statement_regarding_the_lawsuit/
/r/kpop_uncensored reacts
IG post
Summary of legal complaint from KG
JYPE response
https://old.reddit.com/r/kpop_uncensored/comments/1h9w3k1/statement_from_jyp_usa_on_vchas_twitter/
Random gook reaction (translated by /mu/, retrieved from desuarchive):
Twitter Reacts
Based Twice fans reacts to calls for a boycott, VCHAcels sneed
to be clear we have been boycotting for months because jyp is a zionist and the company has continued to do collabs with zionists and are continuing to boycott now also because of the recent news with vcha and jype's mistreatment of its artists
— JYPE FILES 📌 (@jypefiles) December 9, 2024
Outro
How this will all play out remains to be seen, the most likely course of action in that JYPE realizes that this whole thing is poison to any future attempts to gain a foothold in the American market and just cuts the mayofoid loose without retardedly trying to recoup its "debt".
If you enjoyed this post let me know and I will begin work on the Newjeans saga.
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Unrelated:
https://fordauthority.com/2025/02/ford-rival-jeep-rolls-out-in-vehicle-pop-up-ads/
frick stellantis, they're going bankrupt. also harrison ford takes massive peepee
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I bet whoever made this is really embarrassed now.
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Right off the bat, I'm American, and this is just my best guess, but I've been talking to and hearing a lot of Americans say stuff like "oh if it came to it it would be over in a day" or some stuff like that. WRONG
We. Would. Not. Be. Able. To. Stop. The. Bombings.
I don't think most Americans consider how much easier fighting a war is when you can identify your enemy by skin color and language, you guys speak English (mostly) you have basically the same demographic makeup as the US, basically what I'm saying is that you are the platonic ideal for a partisan guerilla campaign.
You can't buy KN03 in Canada because the government is worried people would make black powder with it. Americans have nothing to fear from !leafs bombing them.
I can pretty much guarantee that the first thing the Canadian military high command does is erase all records of who is in the Canadian military, hide all of their leopards, their jets, their stuff that is on par with US military tech in bunkers in the Northern Territories and destroy the fricking maps, you won't be using them for a while, but they're nice to have around if needed.
No. We haven't even destroyed the long gun registry 20 years after a court ordered it to happen.
The Canadian military will then systematically erase any identifiable signatures it has, servicemen and women will burn their ID cards, their uniforms, bury caches of small arms, explosives, anti tank weapons, anti air rockets.
Lmao no. Most CAF members have little to no real training. They don't have the ammo needed to train. Heck they got rid of post basic training! !burgers that right leafs go to basic and then "learn on the job".
This war would not look like anything the US has ever seen before in its history, this war would look like car bombs in Des Moines Iowa every day, Police Stations being shot up in every state of the Union, political assassinations.
Canadians allowed themselves to be disarmed (at least the lefties did). They don't have guns to shoot with.
/u/Grotesque_Bisque You're a moron jacking off to fantasy
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We're playing the turboneurodivergent Dawn of Civilization mod for Civilization IV that replicates world history. !g*mers
Last time, on LPC4DoCF, the Roman Empire had started to fracture. It's 624AD and after a barbarian onslaught, the Kingdom of France declared itself independent. We reconquered Clermont and spared them. Egypt and the Levant have seceded and joined the rising Abbasid Caliphate. Not on our watch
First and foremost. Per @Ubie request I am starving the Irish to death. They get one cow pasture as a food source until I build a mine for them to toil in and the rest are to work directly on building boats until they perish.
Our stability is now Shaky now that the Golden Age is over and done with. Expansion and Economy is not negative, but not good. Foreign is bad of course (it always is) and Military is suffering a little because of our barbarian wars. Domestic is our only saving grace as we have compatible, modern civics and Catholic religious unity.
We have room to expand. Obviously. We just lost most of our eastern territories
Most of my army in this territory got evacuated to Knossos in Crete. I don't have means to transport them yet so they're on a little island vacation for now.
A long time ago I conquered the Kingdom of Nubia, rivals of Aksum. Aksum were pretty ungrateful little b-words about it, but it's been good land and it's now really paying off for me. Nubia did not secede, so some of my troops were able to evacuate there. This gives me an opportunity to quickly retake Egypt from the south.
First turn and with our cavalry we've already retaken Waset, the holy city of Islam. Easy! Muslims btfo
Oh wait
Oh holy mother of Christ
I now know what it feels like to be on the other end of a "Stack of Doom"
Our reinforcements land, but it's not enough. I'm going to die
But suddenly they pull back. I send my spies to take a look.
All the beautiful Roman Roads we built are being used by the enemy, and apparently they got distracted by Persia. Thank the Lord. This will give us time to retake Egypt and regroup our army.
One of our missions to the Mande finally succeeds, so we have another Catholic civilization along with us and the French.
St. Peter's Basilica in Roma serves as the Apostolic Palace from the base game, which is basically the religious medieval U.N. We control the Pope basically, so we have influence over diplomacy in the Catholic world. Since there's actually a Catholic presence in the world now, we can put something to a vote. We call for a crusade against the Abbasid.
Neither of them want this, but with our control over the religion they don't actually get a say. The crusade is on.
We can even team up with our ancient frenemies of Persia. We've always been in something of a cold war with them, but Turkey is a bulwark to Greece, so helping reinforce their cities is in our interest. Plus our espionage network in Dorylaion has been pretty valuable
Our espionage reveals that after some butting of heads their military strength is about equally matched with Persia, overall. And we are way stronger than them in totality They just have their army consolidated.
FINALLY the lazy butt Persians research Civil Service and cause us to fail the third Historic condition. Reminder this is intentional, I want a Space victory.
Civil Service was the only technology I had available to research at this point so it's about time.
We've helped them out so much that they're now pretty advanced, technologically ahead of schedule and researching stuff we don't have. With our spies in Dorylaion we can just steal anything they discover thoughbeit
By the time the Arabs return with a host of Ghazi we're ready for them, we've retaken Egypt and reinforced the army. They have a slight terrain advantage but we can soften them up with our gunpowder artillery
We're victorious With a Great General too
After having researched Commune we can now have this guy build an "Armory" as well to speed up production. Roma is still benefiting from the Flavian Ampitheater so we're going to build on there and churn out superbombards and supercavalry
^^^lol he's clipping into the background
Harun al-Rashi is now willing to sue for peace. He's willing to offer us Jerusalem unharmed or even convert to Catholicism. Some intriguing options here but no
We're conquering these frickers and taking Mesopotamia.
We're going to have more problems to deal with though
The Moors are about to spawn in Iberia as well.
I haven't seen one of these unique civ spawning warning messages yet, I think they only show for civilizations in your vicinity (maybe I missed the French one?). It doesn't really make sense here if the Arabs hadn't conquered North Africa and the Umayyad Dynasty don't exist. but whatevs the messages are really cool
Regardless, we're about to be beset on both sides by muslims
As well as Christians
Again... Muslim control? but again
I have an army in the west ready to fight these both the Spaniards and the Moors, but... I'm going to let them go
In fact...
France is mechanically capable of becoming a vassal now, but capitulation is tricky. You need to batter an enemy into submission in a war until they feel it is hopeless. Unfortunately we don't have much room if France has two cities - if we conquer Bordeaux and besiege Paris and they refuse to capitulate, we're kinda stuck.
Right now they won't voluntarily swear fealty because we're "too powerful". Pretty sure they will still capitulate if forced.
Spain is still in the "Rise of the Spanish" and can develop for now. When the "Rise of the Spanish" event is over I might invade and try to get them to capitulate. If they go to war with the Moors first I'll join them. The Moors usually build an Islam specific wonder in Cordoba, if we can capture it it would rule.
So for now I'm going to let western Europe secede and develop independently, and the Catholic world are now all my friends
I liked Tarragona but the Silver mine it had is now exhausted so it's less valuable anyway. The one thing that sucks is that muslims now control the Strait of Gibraltar and west Mediterranean, so our mobility is reduced.
I'm focused on eastward expansion instead anyway.
We liberate Ohrmazd-Ardashir from Arab control for our Persiabros.
Gets us some brownie points, and the city was outside of our expansion zone and not really that desirable. If the map is coherent at all, yellow is a "Contested Zone" while red is strictly foreign. Agarum is the furthest south in our contested zone. The Abbasids are willing to surrender it peacefully at this point.
England is about to split. We'll gonna let them go too.
We're back to Stable. The economy has been a rollercoaster with our conquests but this has been offset by trade route buildings that start becoming available around medieval times. Most notably we now actually have Good Relations and positive foreign stability I didn't know such a thing was possible. I guess all the liberation has worked out
Before there are more European powers on the map, we may as well invade France now. The only other European nation is Spain and they don't like them that much, so they won't be annoyed.
Charlemagne probably thinks we're schizo
Success! France will now capitulate.
The Kingdom of France is now the "Province of Gaul". They are our semi-independent b-word, we can direct their research, they join our wars, and we can sometimes demand resources. With Bordeaux they will still be able to colonize. We'll just have to help them out in technology a little.
The Mali Empire will voluntarily vassalize as well, but unfortunately for our Malibros we don't really want them. There's only room for five vassal civilizations. We do want to maintain good relations though when the slave trade starts tho.
Spain has declared war on the Moors, so we'll take our army from France and join them to retake our western territory. They didn't get a chance to build any wonders, oh well.
We might as well make this into another crusade
IT'S ON
Reconquista time
As we retake land we start to get overextended. Time to whip neighbors and enact population control
Cordoba is defended by a Great General, Abd al-Mu'min. This is the first time we've actually gotten to fight one in combat.
Morocco goes down
And frick it, let's go take Hungary too, there's a nice gold mine
Right after Morocco's defeat this crazy b-word declares war on me
Apparently Spain is dead set on completing the Reconquista and Catholic Roman controlled Cordoba isn't good enough.
She's very stubborn and refuses negotiations even after I retake Tarragona and pillage the heck out of her land.
Only after taking her capital and forcing her to relocate her palace to Santiago does she surrender.
I was going to liberate Cordoba anyway She is now a vassal with France as the "Province of Hispania".
Islam has been thoroughly BTFO. There are no more muslim states in the world. The Moors are dead and the Arabians collapsed when Turks took Mecca. We now control from the Strait of Gibraltar to the Sudan and Iraq, with two vassal provinces.
We're Solid stability but getting a little too big for our britches and risking a correction. Fortunately I have a couple Great People I've been sitting on who can trigger another Golden Age should it be necessary.
Other rising threats are coming - I think the northern Italian city states are going to attempt to split off around 1100AD, and the Ottoman Empire is going to reconquer all my middle eastern gainz around the 1200s.
We already have technology to start exploring the New World but the Aztecs haven't even been born yet. That will have to wait until 1300~. I want Roman conquistadors