Synopsis

Months after the sudden disappearance of everyone's most irritating relatives , newly minted Christian Rayford Steele attempts to convert his millennial daughter Chloe to the Christian faith. Meanwhile, Chloe's boyfriend Cameron "Buck" Williams , the host of cable television's most obnoxious opinion program, stumbles across evidence that the elite is lying about the covid rapture numbers.

Soon Buck discovers a plot to exploit everyone's fear and anxiety to establish a one world government, one world currency, and universal social credit system, all under the control of incredibly uncharismatic Antichrist Nicolae "Jetty" Carpathia.

Review

It's hard to explain what makes something look like a "real movie," but this looks like a real movie. The shots are well composed and the color grading feels cinematic without looking artificial. The interiors are gloomy and lived in, while the streets capture a sense of urban blight and despair. Everything feels like a run-down shithole. Finally Detroit's filmmaking tax credit is paying off.

The script also makes major improvements to the novel. The book's biggest flaw was failing to connect the Antichrist plot to the Rapture plot--in the book, the one world government emerges simply because that's the kind of thing those people do. The movie, meanwhile, draws the obvious connection of authoritarians seizing power in a crisis.

The down side of this is that the whole thing is obviously an extremely hamfisted covid metaphor rushed through production during the coofdemic. And because fundamentalists don't understand subtext, covid gets mentioned by name multiple times so you'll be sure to connect the dots. Aside from the name drops it's just a general pileup of every current rightoid grievance with a loose coat of Bible prophecy paint.

• The government fakes additional rapture-like disappearances and tells non-essential workers to stay home (?).

• All of the stats about the vanishings come through a single company called "Dominator Analytics"

• All media outlets, social media, and payment processing systems are owned by the same globalist billionaire who wants to take over the world

• The protagonist googles "Bible prophecy" and all the videos have been removed for violating the "terms of service." Then he gets his account suspended for unspecified violations (yes jannies got called out in a rapture movie)

• Anyone who catches onto all of this gets the treatment.

Actual dialogue

• "It's like, everybody knows there was a second wave, but nobody's actually seen it happen."

• "Welcome to a new reality. A Great Reset."

• "I think these new vanishing counts that we now proudly display on every broadcast are probably fake."

• "The Rapture wasn't debunked. Someone on TV told you it was debunked and you believed them."

• [Of the Antichrist] "I haven't seen anything like this since Obama."

Miscellaneous

• They didn't have the rights to the UN logo (?) so they made their own version with the map at the wrong projection

• The whole thing is narrated by a lispy black guy who's still delivering exposition well past the one hour mark

• This is in the Left Behind (2014) continuity, not the Left Behind: The Movie (2000) continuity. Note that both series recast between every movie. Nic Cage was too expensive so they got church basement DVD actor Kevin Sorbo to be Rayford Steele instead.

• Somebody vandalized a church by scrawling "SCIENCE!!!!" on the wall

• The filmmakers either forgot or retconned that literally all children canonically vanished. The world should have freaked out a lot harder; instead they act like this was maaaybe 3x as bad as covid

• One character is killed by a car bomb (with flashing lights, which is just sitting in the back seat of the car that the protagonists were just riding in and they didn't notice) that goes off only after the other characters have already left the car

• The movie ends with the Antichrist shooting people gangsta style

• One scene after characters discuss the importance of faith even in times of doubt, they dig up the dead grandma's coffin to prove that her body vanished and the rapture was real

Overall this is still an objective improvement over both previous LB adaptations. However, nothing will top the fever dream charm of the classic 80's budget rapture movies. IMO this kind of movie actually gets worse when you do it well. You lose the clumsy earnestness and are left with smugness. !christians

Yes, it has been 1 week since the last thread. Don't question me.

What have you kinosseurs been watching? How was it? Tell us!

Movies:

Wonka (2023) - Saw this one with my mom. It's a really cute family movie! Admittedly there are some deeply Marxist messages, but nothing more than intersecting the convergence of religion, commerce, and police state to protect capital and subjugate workers. Honestly didn't expect to like it, but I couldn't stop smiling. Twinky Tim is really great in this.

Chinatown (1974) - Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown . A classic noir starring (arguably) the best actor of all time, Jack Nicholson. Why did I wait this long to watch it? I though it had Chinese people and avoided it.

THX 1138 (1971) - George Lucas movie which came out 6 years before Soy Wars. Experimental and esoteric scifi (corpopunk?) dystopian movie about drugged sexless humans working in robot factories, slowly regaining humanity. I see what it was going for. Sci-fi bros can't stop jerking off over this, but it was ok. Maybe if you never read book and were in a dorm room in 1997-2009 and this hit your brain, you'd feel like you took a redpill idk.

Dream Scenario (2023) - Nicholas Cage in an A24 movie about a boring evolutionary psychology professor who suddenly starts appearing in people's dreams. He becomes a viral sensation and his life pays the toll. Story explores the theme of regular people stumbling into viral relevancy and the toll it takes on their lives, even when they have pretty much done nothing wrong. Decent laughs and Nic Cage makes a coom face.

Napoleon (2023) - Goddarn this movie was some garbage lmao. Only saving grace was Vanessa Kirby mogging the planet. Napoleon simps so hard he destroys the continent for she . Also wildly historically inaccurate.

Dave Chapelle: The Dreamer (2023) - This one was decently funny. His last special, Dave Chappelle: The Closer (2021) where he just ranted about s. Funny blowback, but unfunny show. This new one was actually pretty funny. Unfortunately he ended it with a really gay like 10 minute stool speech about chasing your dreams.

TV:

True Detective: Night Country - LOL

Reacher - (spoilers, but this show is r-slurred so who cares) Basically his Le Special Investigators Unit did like 3 months on a case 11 years ago and they immediately became family??? Frick this was a mid season. Go back to a small cast and beating up goons in small towns.

The Terror - Just started this one. In episode one, the guys who play Brutus and Julius Caesar in Rome are in a scene where someone talks about "Crossing the Rubicon" Show is pretty good though, will stick with it.

Curb Your Enthusiasm - With news that the new season will also be the last, I am in determined to catch up in time. Just started season 6 when the black family moves in. Already funnier than like all of season 5.

ETERNALLY CUCKED !BONGS LMAO

!kino !chuds

Source: https://archive.li/jLHYX

You can't make this stuff up. Green-skinned people are under attack! The British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) has decided to issue a trigger warning for "Wicked," citing concerns over discrimination against a "green-skinned" people.

The film follows the friendship between Elphaba, a misunderstood young woman with green skin played by Cynthia Erivo, and Glinda, a popular rich girl portrayed by Ariana Grande.

I didnt knew that England was located in planet Namek... Or Azeroth.

KIA Thread https://old.reddit.com/r/KotakuInAction/comments/1h2jz91/wicked_slapped_with_trigger_warning_by_uk_film/

-less fat

-better takes

-not beloved by redditors

I thought you guys liked bad localization that changed the actual content of the story. https://t.co/SnM4JhWZMM

— 𝑮𝑨𝑻𝑶𝑹🐊⭐ (@TheGatorGamer) November 26, 2024

theres like fifty other quote retweets of the original post all making the same "just watch porn gooners" posts

total chud victory

Everything in that trailer is just from the first 20 minutes. After that it's just continuous escalation. Something is always happening. It's always r-slurred and entertaining. Any scene with prolonged dialogue, of which there are few, describes the increasing extent of The Beekeeper's rampage and accurate predictions on what he'll do next based on bee analogies.

The Beekeeper is the ultimate badass. He never runs from danger. In fact he never runs. He meanly struts everywhere he goes. Even in the middle of intense firefights. He doesn't use guns or kill innocents, except when he does. Yes he tortures, but in a very lazy way to let you know he's not happy about it.

His enemies? Everyone! And he beats them all! Some crazy chick with a minigun? He slams her head into a gas pump, wraps the hose around her neck, swings her into side of a truck, and lights her on fire. One legged Maori man? He sweeps the leg then beats him with it.

All of this in pursuit of the dastardly duo Josh Hutcherson and Jeremy Irons, election riggers, who in between doing blow and Asian masseuses made the mistake of driving his elderly black friend to suicide.

All of this culminates in the ultimate twist. Josh Hutcherson is the son of the female president of the United States. This is revealed with an incredible musical sting after her phone call with Josh ends with someone calling her Madame President. Of course, The Beekeeper must now go and shoot her

But what about diversity? This is a 2024 movie afterall. Don't worry, we got white scam call centers modeled after Jordan Belfort telling people to redeem card. We got a fat black FBI agent. We got aforementioned crazy chick with a minigun and one legged Maori operator.

The Beekeeper wastes no time. The pacing is breakneck and the plot is insane. I can't emphasize enough how fast paced this is. The bad guys don't get away. They die so Statham must then fight new, more powerful bad guys. And yet you always know who the Beekeeper is fighting, why, and where they are fighting. Unironically skillful storytelling/filmmaking.

Is there anything comparable? I mean based on the trailer this is clearly John Wick right? But remember that's just the first 20 minutes and then it becomes it's own insane thing. I think the best comparison here would be Evil Dead 2 but for action movies. It starts with the quick recap of the traditional action movie. That ends and now there's 90 minutes left for it to go insane.

Overall 9/10 Would recommend

Only interesting part was when the cute blonde foid fricks Space Aladdin twice, with a space cocaine break in the middle (space cocaine not available on redgifs). This is to remind you that it's not TV, it's HBO (max).

The Spacing Guild just got back from their peepee flattening appointment and now you want them to fold space?

Ragnar touches his forehead and burns a guy (not all the way to death this time) for Sol the Emperor. A Bene Gesserit tries to use The Voice to make him commit Canadian healthcare but it doesn't work. Also one of the Bene Gesserit younglings drinks poison and dies (oops) after vagueposting. This is probably the titular Prophecy, but I wasn't paying attention.

I can't wait till it's over, just another 28 minutes

5/5

https://boards.4chan.org/tv/thread/206271254#p206271254

https://boards.4chan.org/tv/thread/206281664

Shadow with a gun in ‘SONIC 3’ pic.twitter.com/wYQQcjjniU

— DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) November 25, 2024

House edgy finally getting their own movie

!kino !poll_voters

Years after witnessing the death of Maximus at the hands of his uncle, Lucius must enter the Colosseum after the powerful emperors of Rome conquer his home. With rage in his heart and the future of the empire at stake, he looks to the past to find the strength and honor needed to return the glory of Rome to its people.

Has anyone seen Gladiator 2 yet? I haven't seen this and I probably won't anytime soon but if I had to guess one of the bulletins at top is most likely relevant to the plot of the story.

So what's everyone in !kino watching this week?

Season 2 is over.

Did you watch it?

It's very small but I think the best part is that they made the helmet technologically advanced, more so than all previous iterations on screen. It's a blink and you miss it moment. The guy puts the helmet on and it seals into place all over moving towards the head, shrinking and sealing into place.

‘POOHNIVERSE: MONSTERS ASSEMBLE’ will begin filming in March.

The movie will see Pooh, Tigger, Pinocchio, Bambi, The Mad Hatter, Peter Pan and Tinkerball team up to kill their remaining survivors.

In theaters next year.

(Source: Deadline) pic.twitter.com/vMMG68z4yD

— DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) November 21, 2024

The episode opens up with two drunk people making out in front of a church. The two drunk people keep making out then topple over one of the gravestones. The scene then builds up to the couple having s*x in various positions until the man is humping a statue of an angel which falls over and causing a cross to fall upside down and be hit by lightning which causes it to burn green and zombies to rise out of the ground in the cemetery and eat the naked couple who also becomes zombies.

Now here is the problem. The entire animation is cutesy top down view zombie fighting bullshit that lasts for like 7 minutes that would be most enjoyed by a 13 year old or a family watching the silly movie. They got that silly animation to instead an 18+ rating where you can't put that animation up for your teen kids to watch because of the unnecessary gratuitous s*x at the beginning of the cartoon.

It was s*x that added nothing to the episode itself in terms of value or plot that couldn't have been done just by a couple making out and desecrating the wrong grave.

Pointless s*x that raises the age rating and turns a show that you could watch on the tv at home into a show that you can only watch hiding in your room in your own privacy.

A waste of customers.

Modern media needs to fix this issue and realize that lego for adults with porn in it is a stupid idea for a full budget production when common sense dictates the core audience would be everybody who likes to see something silly on their screen.